From the Sublime to the Ridiculous

From the Sublime to the Ridiculous – but which way round?

Sex is important. I think we have that one well established. It seems to inspire plenty of comment when there is an article about sex in the media, and yesterday was full of it.

Of course, every day should be full of it because it is such an important subject, and even if you choose abstinence, it is something that everyone has considered at some point in their lives.

So why are we still so confused by this essential part of life? Why does it have such complicated responses and views? Why do people find it so difficult to differentiate between loving intimacy and the physical act of sex? Why is there so much contradiction?

To illustrate the latter, let us look at two aspects of sexual entertainment; burlesque and lap dancing.

Both are currently in the news, both are rising in popularity and trendiness, both serve a purpose in the sexuality stakes, yet one is deemed as an acceptable, jaunty amusement and the other is a seen as a societal horror.

If you go to any local press website and review the last six months of stories, you will probably find an article or three about planning permission problems for lap-dancing clubs. Even the national press over the last year has carried a fair proportion of these stories, where local residents complain about the increase in ‘adult’ clubs and feminists worry about the exploitation of the vulnerable.

Liberal minded councillors are thrown into some sort of moral dilemma, juggling the rights of the individual to self-express and the needs of the community as well as a heavy dose of political correctness that usually sways them into the defensive.

It always amazes me how these clubs apparently get planning permission as long as they are not situated in close proximity to a school.

Why is this the case? Do they think that children only congregate at schools and are oblivious to their local surroundings at all other times? If a club was set up in the middle of nowhere, you can bet that children would still notice it. Thankfully, children still have their eyes open in a willingness and enthusiasm to learn about their world, so they would notice a club wherever it was placed.

And whilst we are on this subject, isn’t the objection regarding the proximity to children more about the adult inability to explain sex properly to children. Isn’t it about our hang ups and not the kids?

Before I go any further, I must reiterate that I regard sex as something for adults. I am appalled at the sexualisation of young people; something that I will comment on in the next post. However, we do our next generation no favours whatsoever by pretending that sex does not exist. Believe me, they know it is there and our inability to be honest and straight forward about sex makes the children all the more curious. We should explicitly tell these young people that sex is the most exhilarating, fascinating, brilliant and special thing in life, which is why it should only be entered into when the mind, body and spirit is ready for it, i.e. it is NOT for kids.

So, back to the Lap Dancing clubs; the scourge of local councils across the country. Should they allow these clubs to flourish? Is it not a safe place for those in “the trade” to sell their wares rather than endure the dangers of street prostitution? And there lies another myth – the two are not connected. Lap dancers titillate. They do not all offer anything other than a healthy dose of voyeurism. There are some that will do “extras” but in the main, they are just there to excite and energise the customer into feeling a little horny, enabling them to legally do something about it.

Lap dancing does not equate to free sex for all, or even paid sex.

Here, I return to one of my favourite subjects – female sexuality. The simple fact is that people cannot believe that women actually enjoy their sexuality and enjoy displaying their sexuality and their bodies because it makes them feel good. Nobody seems to understand that some of these women are doing this because they find it empowering to be so forthright and proud of their bodies.

I wish I had had the sort of sexual mentality that I have now when my body was more beautiful. I would happily cavort around a pole, simulating fucking, exciting the onlooker if I felt completely comfortable with my body being able to be appreciated by others.

Whether the clubs are just basic lap or pole-dancing places or whether they are offering something a little more sensational, they are frequently seen as tawdry, tasteless and corrupt places.

Quite frankly, in a contemporary world where full blown hard-core sex is but a mere hit of a mouse away, the lap dancers are incredibly tame.

Of course, there is a huge difference between the two dimensional viewing on a flat screen and having a curvaceous beauty feeling her tits in front of your face, but as was the case with “dirty mags” from decades ago, the cunt stays firmly out of reach or view, and even when they are on show, it is only that. A punter who gets too near or too frisky is soon given a metaphorical dose of cold water.

So why the concern about these clubs?

Well, I am beginning to wonder whether it is something to do with class and social stratum. You see, it seems to me that lap dancers are seen as unseemly whereas the increase in burlesque dancing is seen as a humorous, harmless bit of fun.

And who is involved in this increase in the art form that is burlesque? Well according to the radio yesterday, it could have something to do with posh birds wanting to flaunt their fun bits as part of a middle class jocular sauciness.

Tell me, why is a nubile beauty turning herself around a pole or serving drinks with her nipples hanging out more horrendous than a fit young Sloane sticking a pair of purple hearts on her tits, swinging the twiddly bits around and around?

Now that really is immoral!

So now we turn our attention to the burlesque.

On the radio yesterday, there was a discussion about this very subject, where the contributors discussed whether this form of entertainment, and indeed exercise, was an abuse of women, or an exploitation or an empowerment or an objectification or a titillation. They discussed whether middle class and educated women should know better than to even contemplate taking their clothes off in public whilst others were intrigued as to why or whether women liked to watch other women peeling their clothes off.

On this last statement, this is probably something that makes burlesque allegedly more acceptable than lap dancing, i.e. that the voyeurs are women as much as they are men. But if I am honest, I would be equally comfortable sitting in a lap dancing club than watching a group of women performing their corseted strip. In fact, if I am completely honest, I would actually prefer to be entertained in a lap dancing club. The mere fact that I am not supposed to enjoy such activities makes it even more exciting and makes me even hornier. I’m not strange, I don’t think. People are turned on by the naughtiness of it all.

Perhaps burlesque dancing is on the increase because of this very fact; that people feel it is a bit of naughtiness and that excites them.

So we are back to our relationship with sex once more.

Taboo stature tantalises and raises those cocks and moistens those cunts far more than something conventional, accessible and acceptable.

Let’s just look more about this idea that women like looking at other women undressing.

I do.

I’m not a raving dyke but I have always been fascinated in the female form. In communal changing rooms, I have always looked, ever since I was a young girl in the school PE changing rooms. It has always seemed a pretty instinctive thing to me. There might have been times when I have been embarrassed by my need to look or have averted my eyes so that others didn’t see me looking, but I have always done it.

The thought of watching a woman strip in front of me, especially if I can grab hold of someone’s cock whilst watching, is an extreme turn on. The thought that a woman is comfortable enough with her body to want to strip is adorably empowering and excites me incredibly.

I want to be part of their sexual empowerment by enjoying the view!

So please can someone tell me why the burlesque version is more acceptable than the lap dancing?

It is all about sex. If anyone tries to tell you that burlesque dancing is not about sex, then please rid them of their pathetic excuses. It has to be about sex. It may not be the most sexually exciting thing in the world but I would place money on the honest dancers saying that they get a sexual thrill from removing their clothes and entertaining others by doing so. And guess what? The lap dancers would say the same.

Actually, I find it somewhat offensive that people suggest that learning to do burlesque is a choice whereas serving in a lap bar is exploitative. Why can we not accept that women can make these choices because they are enjoying their sexuality and part of that enjoyment is seeing the pleasure of other people in their sexuality?

It seems that some in this society do think that one (burlesque) is sublime and one (lap dancing) is ridiculous.

What I think is both sublime and ridiculous is, with the former a hint of changing attitudes to sex, and with the latter a disbelief that we still haven’t got to grips with our attitude to sex.

We need a rethink and a very swift one at that. We need to realise that women performing in lap bars are just as entitled to express their sexuality as posh birds learning to flaunt with a boa.

We need to get to grips with our attitude to sex and what we want to impart on the next generation. We need an honesty about sex and an understanding that sexuality and horniness comes in a range of forms. We need to realise that women are sexy and are finally waking up to the fact.

We need to stop contradicting ourselves about sex to the point of making us, as a society, look ridiculous.

Bring on the burlesque, lap up the dancing clubs. Get out there and dispel some myths.

Enjoy – as long as those councils allow you to do so.

Celebrating Couples

“I’d like to know who has been creaming up your panties! What or who got you all juicy today?” he said.
“You did!” was her response, “And I did!” she continued.
“How was that possible? I’ve not been anywhere near you?” he retorted.
“Because I have been fucking you all day in my mind, waiting for the opportunity to come here and have you for real. The anticipation is here on my panties to see!”

Oh the joyous and sometimes very necessary pleasures of a mind fuck. Nothing can ever be as sensational as the real thing but anticipation of this sort is a very perfect way to spend a day.

“Who was that man you were talking to today? Did you want to fuck him?”
“No, but I seriously wanted to grab his arse and have a good old fondle, and I would have quite liked it if he had felt the need to smooth his hands over my tits, but no, I didn’t want to fuck him.”

“That woman is a goer and she is giving you very clear signals that she wants you to go and stick your cock up her fanny”.
“Do you think so?” “Should I do it?”
“She looks pretty fuckable to me!”
“She looks pretty fuckable to me too!”

“Hello darling? Had a good day?”
“Yes thank you. Missed you incredibly this morning, though, sweetheart. Had a raging stiffy with nowhere to put it, and then this woman came into my room and just looked on in amazement as she saw my cock in its fullest glory. Had to fuck her!”
“Of course you did. Get any photos?”
“Of course – to add to the collection. I think we’ll put this cunt right next to that cock that you fucked last week in Vienna.”
“Mmmm that was one big cock!”

“What’s on television tonight honey?”
“Nothing worth bothering about – shall we get youporn out instead?”
“Ah yes. I found a really good video there whilst you were at work today. It’s of three women squirting over one another and a bloke trying to fuck them all simultaneously; cock in one, fingers in another, tongue in the last one. And all of them were ejaculating as he manipulated them to orgasms. Fucking marvellous!”

And so it goes on. Conversations that sexually enlightened couples ought to be having across the nation, beyond the seas to other continents and with other people.

It should not be read as shocking. It should not fill the reader with fear. It should not bring forth the oppressive state of antagonism. It should not trigger cries of infidelity and disgust.

As I said, the conversation continues.
“Would you mind if I spent the night with that blonde that we met yesterday?”
“Why? What has she got that I haven’t got?”
“Just a different cunt and a very expressive mind!”
“And my mind is still as expressive as ever, in your opinion?”
“Of course, sweetie. I just feel a desire to fuck this woman, to lie in bed with her and to feel how that feels”
“Okay but I will want to know every last detail, even if she has a better cunt than mine!”

Competitive states are hard to eradicate when they have been ever present in one’s life but that should not prevent someone from trying.
In fact, these sorts of challenges are the very thing to nurture someone’s growth whilst simultaneously revealing far more consideration, love, affection and understanding of another human being than most can ever begin to contemplate.

“I kissed a girl, and I liked it!”
“Good for you, my darling. How did that come about?”
“We were just talking, and she reached out and grabbed my hand. I was so turned on that I just clasped her face in my hand and rammed my tongue down her throat before she had time to think! Once she had got used to the idea that I was kissing her, I released my hands only for her to grasp my face in exactly the same manner. It was sensationally sexy and urgent!”
“Did you wank one another off?”
“Well we couldn’t do that where we were, so I suggested that we went to my car. We drove up to the hilltop and had some sensational snogs. I was desperate to move my fingers over her thighs and to feel how hot she was but was a little timid. She eventually pushed the palm of my hand right onto to her unopened jeans zip which I naturally took as an invitation to delve further!”

Isn’t this allegedly what every alpha male dreams of? Seeing his woman all hot and bothered for another woman, with the delightful prospect of being asked to join in?

“I’m frightened”
“What are you scared of?”
“I’m frightened that her cunt is more enticing than mine. I’m worried that you’re pretty bored of mine which is why you are spending so long with other cunts”
“Honestly, the two are not connected. Your cunt, your mind, your spirit is still as valuable and vivacious as it always has been. I want you as much if not more because of the time I spend in other cunts”.

If the fear arises, there is no point in pretending that it is not there. Acknowledging the darker side, even if there is nothing that you or anyone else can do about it, is a vital part to the honesty of partnership.

“Happy 25th Wedding Anniversary darling!”
“Why thank you sweetheart. I cannot believe that we have maintained such a healthy interest in one another all this time!”
“What shall we do to celebrate? Invite the neighbours round for a foursome? I want to show them the video that we shot last week. Great squirts from the two of you.”
“And the sperm shower was pretty horny as well.”

Nothing HAS to be straightforward. Boxes and constraints can be broken. Relationships and the make-up of established coupledom can be challenged. There is always another way.

In many ways, this would be my ideal way. Like many other stupid women before me, I cannot seem to rid myself of the shackles of conformity completely. I still feel as though I need a special person in my life but maybe that is nothing to do with conformity and more to do with what feels real at a certain moment in time. Maybe what others see as the conformity of a life partner or something like that, is actually just a way of being that fits in with one’s hopes or even needs for life.

The only reason that this sort of living fails is because onlookers cannot cope with the alleged complexities. What about the children, for heaven sake?

Let’s change the last set of quotes slightly.
“Happy 25th Wedding Anniversary darling!”
“Why thank you sweetheart. I cannot believe that we have maintained such a healthy interest in one another all this time!”
Door to the bedroom opens.
“Happy Anniversary Mum and Dad. Got you something special this year as it is your 25th!”
“Wow – tickets to the ‘Hands on Burlesque Show with Front Stage Passes!’
You shouldn’t have spent so much but what a perfect way to celebrate the longevity of our sexuality – with others!”

Farfetched? Why should it be? Once more, people are seemingly terrified or horrified at revealing themselves as sexual beings to their offspring but why is this the case? Not talking, not discussing perpetuates myths such as sexuality being something that we should hide and shield away from the world. In the honestly and value of family life, why should there be the old conformities there as well? Why shouldn’t people be honest about their sexuality with their children to the point of freeing the offspring too?
Freedom, liberty and all of that is so vital in life. Why on earth should expected norms of behaviour not be confronted on all levels.

The openness of a marriage or a relationship could extend to those involved within, including the children. If children accepted from an early age that their parents were sexual beings and that sex was an integral part of life that could not be lived without, then it would make life far less complicated than its current stringencies of brushing things under the carpet and avoiding the tricky situation of the potential for wandering eyes and roving hands.

How I would love to say to my children “Really sorry I cannot be with you today but I really need to go and make love to my gorgeous lover, who in turn really needs me to fuck him.”
The response would be “Fine – see you later!”

And it is not to say that this sort of openness is devoid of problems. Green eyed monsters could still emerge. Fear of loss and separation are never likely to be deleted permanently. People do fall “out of love” or move forward in a way that might leave a once dearly loved person behind. Nothing can staple one human being to another. Nothing can ever make that complete tie; not a marriage service, not a wedding band, not a spoken statement of love and affection.
Why can the world not see this?

“I kissed a girl.... It felt so wrong......It felt so right....... hard to resist, so touchable.......not what good girls do..... hope my boyfriend don’t mind.......just human nature”

I think we would dismiss these writers and the singer at our peril.
Katy Perry looked stunning and extremely fuckable in a plastic outfit that must have taken hours for her to put on. It looked like something out of Dr. Seuss meets Karma Sutra but it was a real turn on and I am sure my need to wank that evening was to do with watching her bopping away in that outfit.

But it wasn’t just thinking of her alone. I was extremely turned on by the fact that she regularly fucks Russell Brand. In fact they have decided to get married later this year, allegedly in India in latex costumes.
I’m not completely sure that I would want to fuck Russell either though I do think he is extremely horny.
I am completely sure, however, that I would like to watch them fuck one another. My pink bits are rouging up at the very thought of it.
Even better, I would be more than happy for them to watch me fucking my lover and I would happily suggest that we help both of them out of their rubber dresses in order to free their sexual organs for a right seeing to.

Horny people deserve horny people to horn off with.
Simple minds should have simple minds to fuck. Complex minds should be enriched by the complexities of another complex mind.

“Don’t they make a nice couple?”
What an ineffectual, stupid comment when nobody can really get into the mind and soul of one person let alone two working together.
“You two look good together. It looks right.” And looks assume every other connection?
But having been critical of such naive and pathetic statements, Katy and Russell do look good together. Yet I am far more concerned with their minds right now.

If I could give them a wedding gift that would ensure that they celebrated their silvers in 2035 it would be this. Read all of the quotes (embellished and made up) and see if this is the type of relationship that you want.
The very best wedding present that you can give to one another is to respect and value the freedom and the liberty of one another’s sexuality. Be mindful of one another’s needs and be prepared, at times, to compromise for the sake of something greater than individual desire. That is the Zenpuss way, I hope.

There is no reason why a relationship such as this cannot last a lifetime as long as they are mindful of one another. Is there really a possibility of these two remaining completely faithful to one another, and yet is it faithless to fuck another person if that has always been the understanding of those involved in the first instance?

People like Russell Brand and Katy Perry have the opportunity to reclaim coupledom and make it something that is devoid of the negative undertones of constraints and chastity belts.
I am not making any assumptions here and I would hate to offend them if they had indeed chosen exclusivity but it seems to me that there are two enlightened human beings here who are respected by generations of folk, and it is people like this who can put a new slant on being a couple.

Being a couple can still mean a commitment to one another that is genuine and expects longevity but it also respects sexuality and the nurturing of that. It appreciates the reality of living and loving. It still values one person, one love by not expecting exclusivity rather than demanding it.

I would like to think that Katy and Russell will consider this openness as part of their marriage. I can honestly think of no greater appreciation of one another than to respect the individual’s right to express themselves sexually without fear of repercussion or loss of a partner that they care about.

Loosening the shackles of expectation and conformity has to be a way forward.
I am so utterly overwhelmed and excited by the fact that I can have these conversations with my lover, even if they sometimes challenge me to the point of those very fears and anxieties that I wish to keep at bay.

Coupledom is not a heinous nightmare if it is rescued from its current form. Today, I celebrate the couple of celebrities who are embarking on a commitment to one another in their own quirky way, and if they want anyone to celebrate with them, well I know a man and woman who can!