Oxytocin Again

Isn’t life strange? As soon as I mention a word in my writing, it suddenly appears once more in an article in the newspaper this week. Clearly this has nothing to do with me and evidently this word is an important word, even if my spell check does not recognise it as a valid one in the English language.

The word I am talking about is ‘oxytocin’.

If you can bear it, check out the Wikipedia page for the word.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin

(Just on a slight aside, I am intrigued about the link with orgasms and the fact that oxytocin is released after the “distension of the cervix and uterus during labour”. Perhaps this might explain the vaginal orgasm once and for all. Perhaps oxytocin could be released with stimulation as well as distension which could explain how the vaginal orgasm works – or am I clutching at straws?)

Oxytocin is the “cuddle hormone” or the “love hormone” and according to another site, it looks as though you can actually bottle it up! Seriously – let me have a few bottles please, now!

http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/

But truthfully, this is an important hormone and as the previous blog explained, it is the possible cause of us females getting rather emotionally attached to the cocks that we are inviting into our moist little pussies. It is also associated with bonding, with production of milk for feeding and various other things of equal significance.

If you read no other link on this page, then read this one.

http://www.reuniting.info/science/oxytocin_health_bonding

Unbelievable! A classic case of using science to benefit one forthright opinion; in this case suggesting that oxytocin can help to maintain monogamy as long as you don’t have orgasms because there is such a loss of oxytocin once the body has climaxed. Personally, I disagree with this completely. As I said, I feel very cuddly after orgasm. So if I can only maintain good oxytocin levels through these suggested ways, then all I can say is bring on the polyamory and copious orgasms.

As with most things where science and sex combine, it appears that the jury is still out in relation to the longevity, purpose and effectiveness of oxytocin. There is, however, no doubt of its existence.

In the Guardian today, a man who appears to have a hugging phobia (is there a word for such a thing? – haphephobia apparently) decided that he needed to overcome this in order to meet and greet people at his wedding, all of whom would probably be smothering him with unwanted embraces.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/sep/02/hugging-cuddle-fear-workshop

One paragraph amused me particularly because it interests me how someone can be so intimate about certain things which I or others may find unacceptable, whereas they cannot bring themselves to touch another human being, even one that they are developing a life-long relationship with.

Here he explains the difference between his partner’s inhibitions and his own.

“I put this down to our contrasting hang-ups. She's just as buttoned-up as I am, but in different ways. For example, I'm a reticent hugger but an impressively liberal farter, whereas she enjoys cuddling but won't admit to ever having done a poo in the same postcode as me. She'll often entertain herself by attempting to make me to snuggle on the sofa with her, while I have fun trying to make her say the word "labia" out loud. It's a perfect Tetris puzzle of inhibition, and it works.”

Prior to this he mentions how he cannot bring himself to face his partner in bed. I suspect that they are back to back sleepers; no spooning required!

But pray tell me, why do people think it is more appropriate and intimate to fart in front of their partner than give them a hug? Jeez, you must love me if you are open enough to drop one in the middle of watching television, or worse, in the middle of the night whilst asleep! What an honour!

Anyway, putting all that revoltingness aside, this man decided to enrol in a Cuddle Therapy session. I am constantly amazed at how people make money these days. Here I am, with a mass of utter brilliance to impart upon the world and as yet, no avenue to do so. I have books in my mind, I have theories galore, I have far more life-changing thoughts than  just hugging to spread, but no, people decide that they want to join up to cuddle therapy to change their lives. If only they knew why they wanted to overcome their fears rather than just having a quick fix of one element of their instabilities, then they might make a breakthrough in life.

The writer, Stuart Heritage, finally did make his breakthrough though, after hours of touching strangers’ hands and faces and even bottoms. The whole session culminated in a mass hug where arms and hands and all manner of bodily parts, apart from the sexual organs, were in contact with everyone else. And it seemed to do the trick.

“I lost all concept of time. By the end, I wasn't even sure if I was awake or asleep. It was simultaneously one of the most intense and relaxing things I have ever experienced. Either I was getting in touch with myself, or someone had spiked my tea with Rohypnol.”

He had experienced the beauty of touch, and whilst I mocked the whole therapy agenda previously, I didn’t really mean it. If it does help people to see the brilliance of touch then so be it, if that is the only way to find out.

Personally, I prefer a more human and real response in order to get my oxytocin rushing through my body. I don’t really want contrived hugs because for me, I am not sure that I could ever feel particularly wonderful hugging for the sake of it. I can actually empathise with the writer because sometimes an unwanted hug is extremely intimidating.

But what this man discovered, and hopefully will be able to put into his own life, is that hugging is important, hugging is vital, human contact is the greatest of levellers, the best antidote to depression and anxiety and is actually needed more by some of us than anything else in the world, including orgasms. And for any regular reader knows, that is a big thing for me to say.

Human touch is the most wonderful experience when it is between people who have affection for one another. Hugging as a welcome releases all sorts of tensions in me. Hugging as a goodbye is a promise for next time. Hugging before sex accentuates my desire. Hugging after sex makes me know that what I have just received is being shared and acknowledged and that the intimacy between us is as strong as ever.

But of course, not all hugging is sexual. Hugs from friends and family when you are in need are as vital as any words of solace. Hugging a pet can even be reciprocal dependent upon the mutt you are with. Hugging someone who is usually reticent to take part in physical contact can be most pleasurable when you can feel the inhibitions running away from them as they accept your embrace.

Even cold-hearted Cameron probably wants human touch – after all, it was he who told the world to go and “hug a hoodie”. Mind you, he has probably reneged on this over the last month. Allegedly, the full transcript of this speech has been removed from the Conservative Party website.

But the main thing that struck me about this article, apart from the mention of oxytocin, was the fact that we really are in a world where we have forgotten the instinctual and the social; we have turned away into the insular and the inclusive. We ignore the very thing that would make us feel better and be better people. We do not embrace. We do not value human touch, possibly because we are intimidated by it, possibly because we fear that human touch will automatically send some signals to another that we want sex, which we may well do, but not all of the time.

I know this may sound one-tracked, but I do think that people are reticent to be communicative with their hands, arms and mouths in the form of hugs and kisses because their actions will be misinterpreted, and this is also down to the fact that we have such an unhealthy view of sex and sexuality. Obviously, this is not always the case, but we are sometimes so oblivious to our very obvious human needs and our instruction in brainwashing about what is right and proper and appropriate has advanced to the extent that we can no longer even greet one another with this simplest of human touches.

The evidence is there. Oxytocin is prevalent in all people and can be increased with touch, even touch that is not of a sexual nature – re-read the monogamy and no climax bollocks above.

Can you imagine how much better the world would be if we were a little more intimate with one another, if we were a little more considerate about spreading a hug and increasing levels of oxytocin? Just think how much money could be saved by regular hugs rather than reliance on Prozac and the likes? With no antidepressants to bombard us with, these great capitalist pharmaceutical companies may have to lower their prices of HIV medication in Africa to make their money.

But then again, I was always a hopeless optimist.

Orgasm in the Mind

So why did I feel so vindicated by the Daily Mail report earlier this week?

What was it that made me feel so smug?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2031498/Sex-Why-makes-women-fall-love--just-makes-men-want-MORE.html

Well, in honesty, it made me feel that I wasn’t quite so stupid and wasn’t quite so weird as I and others sometimes assume that I am with regard to my sexuality and feelings when making love.

For those of you who do not want to bother looking at the link, this article explains some differences between men and women when it comes to sex and particularly to orgasms.

It explains the stages of orgasm for a woman. It also explains how complicated we women are with 30 different parts of the brain are involved in orgasm – told you we could multi-task!

It says that there are stages to the orgasm; that it involves brain power, the sensory cortex which receives messages from other parts of the body and how the main climax is probably controlled or supported by the hypothalamus, which controls temperature, hunger and thirst.

It also states that orgasms numb pain and that there are specific sensors within women which means that when they have an orgasm it triggers a particular hormone called oxytocin, otherwise known as the cuddle hormone, which is why women have this hopeless sense of ‘lurve’ when they have sex.

As for a man, they do not tend to have this hormone working in the same way during sex. His main hormone is dopamine, not oxytocin. Where a woman has an influx of loveliness and a desire for cuddles, a man, through the dopamine is thinking only of pleasure.

It is interesting to see the difference between these two hormones. Perhaps this is where the Mars and Venus differentiation comes along. However, I would like to suggest that those who get the very best out of sex are in some way managing to get both hormones working simultaneously. Perhaps this is what happens when people who have strong feelings for one another receive the absolute climax of Satori when they are making love, in that they somehow share and balance the effects of oxytocin and dopamine. Perhaps scientists could tell me whether there are certain males that have higher levels of oxytocin and certain females who have a healthy dose of dopamine that is higher than the average woman.

These are vital components of life that need yet more exploration to finally come to terms with what this sex malarkey is, and what it does to our mind, body and soul as we partake in this divine physical act.

However, there is another point. Did I and do I actually need scientific evidence for all of this? Isn’t it mind-blowingly obvious to anyone who has experienced the pinnacle of sex? That is partly why I feel vindicated because I could have told these scientists precisely what I think is happening in my brain during sex, if only they had bothered to ask.

To me, it seems perfectly clear and logical that these processes are taking place in my body when I am having sex. It makes perfect sense to me that once I have reached a certain point, I need a hug, I need a cuddle as much as I need a cock penetrating my very needy cunt. It seems perfectly obvious to me that other parts of your body send messages to the brain. It is perfectly clear to me that if I am kissed in a tender and specific way my orgasms are intensified and rapid. It seems perfectly clear to me that the reason I get an orgasm from giving some fellatio is because my body is working in harmony with my mind. My mouth is telling my brain that I am enjoying myself – there is the dopamine, and that triggers the watery movements in my body without any penetration from any part of the body getting anywhere near my pussy.

This happens. It has happened to me and if only people knew their bodies, knew the potential of sexual experiences and were prepared to share this knowledge, then we wouldn’t even need the scientists. It should be as obvious as the knowledge that if we put water into our mouths we will prevent dehydration. It should be as clear as the need to put clothes on your back in cold weather. It should be taken as a known that the processes involved in sexual enjoyment are as natural as wanting to eat when you are hungry.

But of course, there is a difference. We can survive without sex but we cannot do so without food, water, shelter and clothing. Not that we want to survive without sex. I don’t want to. But I will, if necessary.
The difficulty in making people aware of this is probably a political one. Not everyone can have sex in this way because they do not get the opportunity or meet the right people. If they realised just how potent and brilliant this sex was, there may be a revolution from disgruntled people who feel as though they are entitled to something that they have not experienced. There could be all out anarchy, and those of us who do know this and have experienced it might be under all sorts of pressure to share our knowledge, knowing that we cannot possibly have these experiences through a strained and unwanted sexual experience.

Sex is complicated. We know that.

The point is that people underestimate the importance of sex and that is why there is still so much mystery around what happens to us physically and emotionally during sex. And that is why the scientists involved in this research get so much publicity; not because they have discovered anything different to those who are sexually enlightened already know, but because it appears that our poor society needs the credibility of facts in order to make things a reality, when the reality is there irrespective of the scientific validation.
It’s all a bit sad really.

The article continues to explain how regular sex can stave off early onset of dementia. How? Because sex somehow manages to ensure that our brains keep on reproducing cells. The more sex you have, the more brain cells are produced.
Vindicated! Bring on the cock please. I want my brain cells working perfectly. It also makes me wonder whether my best pieces of writing have come about once I have been saturated by glorious orgasms. Makes you think really.

The article also explains how sex produces higher levels of serotonin (you don’t say!) and that the limbic region of the brain, associated with pleasure, is working on full gas when having sex. It tells of endorphins being released during sex that clear the mind and negate depression.

This is all so obvious, it is hardly worth repeating and hardly worth reporting, only clearly the world has not fully acknowledged this.

However, there is one section that is worthy of note, even though for me it is perfectly obvious too.

It states that the mind plays a key role in achieving orgasm, particularly for a woman.

“The scans show that, during sex, the parts of the female brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety and emotion start to relax more and more, reaching a peak at orgasm, when the female brain’s anxiety and emotion are effectively closed down.”

Again, you don’t say!

Sex is that vital to me. Anyone who knows me intimately will know that I am a far more compliant and sensible human being when I have regular sex. Without it, I am a bumbling idiot most of the time apparently. Without sex, I have fear, anxiety and destructive emotions. Bit of a Catch-22 really because who wants to fuck a dysfunctional woman?

I suppose the moral of this piece of scientific research is this. Fuck a woman and you fuck their minds too.

Beware!

But seriously, this is good news and needs to be spread far and wide; that sex is a combination, that orgasms are real (for women) and that the world can have decent sex if only they were prepared to take this sort of research as the truth.

In fact, this sort of research vindicates in other forms of relationships too. If you do have the knowledge, the experience and the potential to spread a little happiness further than society seems to think that you ought to, then perhaps you ought to do just that and have sex with multiple partners, safely of course; only be mindful of what is happening to your brain and others when doing it. At this rate, a sexually enlightened woman could be falling in love all over the place, even if it is only for an instance. But a man, according to this research, has the potential to spread happiness without having the complications of having their minds fucked, as long as they are high on the dopamine and do not have intense levels of oxytocin.

Perhaps it is a man’s world after all.

We abuse sex in so many ways. We dismiss it as a physical act when clearly at its best, it is far more important than just that. We do not use knowledge and experience of sex wisely. We do not embrace its qualities and we do not realise just how much this experience can overwhelm.

Sex is very, very complicated and yet simultaneously is as natural and uncomplicated as feeding and drinking.

It shows that sex can be on many levels. It can be a quickie, a physical pleasure, a delight but it also comes with mind manipulation, naturally, without the words, without the adoration. It makes me think that sex should not be entered into lightly and making a decision to have sex with someone that is going to be a regular thing should be carefully considered, if the research and my experience holds true.

Sex, in its brilliance, is totally about the mind as well as the body, and with this potent combination, there is the absolute in spiritual awareness. Your soul can be completely fulfilled by this wonderful, wonderful experience.

Another article mentions another fairly obvious fact, as far as I am concerned.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1387451/New-study-shows-women-pathways-sexual-pleasure.html

In this article, which complements the previous one, it states that women have two pathways of sexual pleasure. It states that when a woman masturbates they get a different type of orgasm than when they are with a partner or a lover.

I really did not need to read this to know it is true.

I masturbate regularly, to get me to relax and sleep, alone.
This masturbation is pleasant but it is incomparable to the sort of sex that I want and enjoy with a lover. It is almost like a halfway house, knowing that it is important for me to orgasm regularly but equally knowing that it is not engaging my brain in the same way and is certainly not releasing those oxytocin hormones. Dopamine could be at the forefront of wanking for a woman, even endorphins but it is not engaging my mind in the same way that I do with a lover.

In fact, there is a third way too. I do not have to be physically present in the same place with my lover to have a screamingly good orgasm. If I am talking on the phone whilst masturbating, if he is talking me through an orgasm whilst simultaneously knocking one off for himself, then the orgasm is far better and far more intense than if I was just wanking alone.

This research seems to  suggest that this is not merely an imagination of mine either.

Back to the mind – that vital component to good sex.

So, there is the research. It is good to see the research. It is even good to see it reported on in THAT newspaper but it is one’s own experience that really tell the truth that a thousand pieces of scientific research merely confirm.

Enjoy sex, know what it is doing and remember, which of course you will be able to do because once you are at it regularly, you are reinventing yourself with all those lovely fresh brain cells.

Has anyone done any research on the sexuality of the most brilliant minds in history, I wonder?