Writing and Reading Erotica

This week there was an article on BBC Radio Four’s “Woman’s Hour” about female writers of erotic or pornographic (depending upon your personal views) novels.

The programme referred back to an interview in the 1990s with Erica Jong – author of “Fear of Flying” and “Any Woman’s Blues”.

She explained how she thought some women had seen female sexual liberation as a panacea when, in her opinion, true liberty came from enjoying your own company and developing a strong sense of self-esteem. She talked in length about how some women involved themselves in sexually free relationships, thinking that this was going to give them the release from mundane middle ageism, only to find that such a desire for mind-blowing sex became a bondage  - not a freedom.

I would concur!

Actually, it’s not quite as simple as that, but for me there’s definitely some truth in the need to like yourself, enjoy your own company and make sure that it’s this, not an attachment to another human being, that truly liberates and makes you feel free.

Having said that, there is also a huge amount of freedom from being sexually liberated; the empowerment and enlightenment felt from this can’t be underestimated.

The topic then concentrated on writing and in particular the issue of women writing erotica.

The two guests on the programme, Louise Doughty and Nichi Hodgson  - both of whom write erotica – had a very stimulating discussion about the merits of female writers of erotica, about the failings of “50 Shades” and how much of the issue regarding female sexual liberation was about economics. They suggested that the real fantasy of “50 Shades” wasn’t the sexual excitement but more to do with the fact that the lead character was obscenely rich!

That reminded me of a comment from Victoria Coren who once wrote that the main attraction in Christian Grey from “50 Shades of Grey” was that he allowed his partner to eat anything she wanted – and that was the real attraction.

Again, I would concur.

The economic issue is huge – one that is too huge and requires a post of its own, as does the whole issue of finding yourself and being comfortable with who you are.

For now, I want to concentrate on my personal experience of writing and reading both erotic and pornographic stories.

As both Louise and Nichi said, there’s a considerable amount of dross in this area. Some of the writing is over-laden with explicit adverbs and graphic scenes that end up feeling functionary rather than fantasy or arousing.

Essentially it all depends on your frame of mind. If you are in a moment when you want to be sexually aroused or stimulated, you can be so – even if the writing isn’t particularly good. I have strong memories of lying in bed, listening to erotic writing being read to me, and feeling completely overwhelmed by a desire to replicate what was being read.

Other times, when I’ve been alone and in need, yes need, of an orgasm, I’ve deliberately chosen some pretty crass writing to get me in the mood, ready for a dildo to help me on my way.

There have been other times it’s been the other way round when I’ve read something that has aroused me and I’ve reached out for assistance – either from the vibrator or the real thing – to bring me to an orgasm.

The point is if you are inclined to be aroused by reading, then it really doesn’t matter what you are reading as long as it brings forth the desired effect. Personally, I’m aroused by erotic rather than explicit graphic descriptions. This is probably because I love the feeling of closeness and oneness in sexual liaisons more than the actual act of having sex. It’s the feeling of togetherness in penetration more than the penetration itself that does it for me.

When reading, I like a sense of mystery, of creativity – of writing that allows you to bring in your personal experiences or imagine situations that complement what you are reading.  As one of the women on Woman’s hour said, the possible difference between porn and erotica is the artistry – how sex is used in writing. Is it used to power the story on (in her opinion, erotica) or is it merely there for its own sake (porn)?

But where I really get turned on is when I am writing.

And it’s this that links directly to what Erica Jong was saying about finding yourself and being happy with who you are as a person.

For when I’m writing about sex, about female sexuality and sexual emancipation for women – that is when I feel I am being really me. That is what I miss about being me when I’m not writing.

For many years, I lay in a wilderness of sexual antipathy. It wasn’t until I met someone who enabled me to feel sexually liberated that I started to write about it. When that happened, I really do feel as though I found my voice and thus found my self-esteem, my value and my worth.

The writing that I did may not have been the most eloquent. I too was probably highly guilty of the overt and over-use of the adverb. My literary illustrations of thrusting cocks oozing with wonder juice and vaginas cascading with enthusiastic gushes were probably highly corny but that didn’t matter. What mattered was how I felt when I was writing. What also mattered is how my readers might feel when they were reading it, and if they were turned on, then my own arousal was increased.

And that is how it’s been with me. I write because it empowers me. I write because it makes me feel alive – and those two statements are true of all my writing, not just what I write in the world of sexuality. However, because sex is so personal and so vital, the writing that I have done on this blog has felt, possibly selfishly and self-indulgently, to be more about me than anything else.

The reality is that being sexually active makes me more willing and able to write about and talk about sex but in times of celibacy, my voice is still there and I damn well ought to use it.

The irony is about freedom though. Writing about sex frees me. It makes me feel liberated. It makes me feel ME. In order for me to be truly me, I probably need and want sex as it’s because of my experiences of sex that I’ve felt a need to convey a message to others who are either without sex or enduring lackluster, tedious and uninspiring sex. Sex and, more importantly, the feelings associated with having sex with someone that you really adore being with, enable me to be me.

Now returning to Erica Jong, does that make me dependent on another for my freedom and for my happiness? Or is it just a reality that it takes two to tango?

I know I felt at my most liberated when I was writing frequently about sex and for me, the stimulation to write came from being stimulated sexually by another person. Therefore, is there that possibility that I am actually reliant on another soul for my sexual liberty, and if that is the case, how can it be true liberty?

The other reality is this. It’s the economy stoopid!

Those who are economically independent do have the freedom to be sexually liberal and liberated. Without that economic freedom, can you ever really and truthfully be free to be the sexual person that you know you are?

For me, I will try my hardest to get back to writing about the important aspects of sex and female sexuality.

I started this blog many years ago. There’s still an ostrich-like approach to sex and particularly towards female sexuality. There’s still no absolute agreement about female ejaculation. There’s still feminists who think that female sexual liberation means that you can’t possibly enjoy watching pornography or who think that valuing your own body means that it should be hidden with your sexuality suppressed and not flaunted. (I’m being a little disingenuous and facetious here, of course).

But the simple message is that sexuality is about you, and because of the nature of the glorious beast, it’s about someone else too, but you can’t enjoy that someone else fully unless you are content with yourself – and that contentment comes from economic liberty as well as a confidence in your own self-worth.

To any reader of this post, please remember, these are my initial thoughts on a subject that I may well return to. I mean to cause no offence to anyone. I am merely clarifying my own thoughts in my own way, and what I write here today might be different to my thinking in a month or a year’s time.

Enjoy your sexuality today. I mean it. I’ll try and enjoy my own.

August Sexual Snippets

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sharing me

Sharing Me

There is a video of me in glorious anticipation of climax, opening my legs with a camera significantly poised to capture the moment when I emit my fuck juices.
There’s nothing strange about that really, especially as it is a piece of film that only two people have seen; the model and the photographer.

When I was posing for this video shot, there was slight trepidation in that I was a little concerned that I might be struck with stage fright. I know that I can cum and gush forth some serious amounts of fluid but when it was almost demanded for posterity sake, then given the incorrect circumstances, it could backfire and nothing would happen.

Of course, this didn’t happen. I did gush and in a pretty incredible but not unusual way. And the reason that I could cum in such watery quantity was down to the relationship and the relaxed state of being with the photographer, my lover. I didn’t feel that there was any demand on my performance. The filming was very much part of the arousal, and anyone who has not filmed themselves during sex should damn well get on and do it.
If you happen to find yourselves aroused by watching two or more people revelling in the human bliss of their sexuality, for it is this more than the aesthetics of beautiful bodies that turns me on, then you really must work with your partner on getting yourselves on film.

I never thought that I would actually enjoy being filmed. As I have mentioned before, many years ago I was asked to do some topless modelling, but never in my wildest dreams did I consider that I would have the gall to have my pussy photographed.
Of course, there was also a time when I really couldn’t see how anyone would want to photograph this monstrous hole, full of all collection of innards that I had no desire to see or touch for myself, let alone consider it to be horny for anyone else.
Yet gradually, with absolutely no demands or expectations from another person, I could see its value. I think it helped that I took photographs of myself, and this is a factor that hasn’t really been explored.

Once more, I have spoken before about it being quite a turn on to photograph yourself to see how your body works, what it looks like and therefore how arousing it could be for another but I haven’t seen it as part of a preparation for a filming session with a partner or lover or indeed on a professional basis.

And I really want women to feel comfortable and I really want women to feel the fascination and the joy and the liberty of being filmed, whether it be still shots or moving images.

When I set my sideline company up, I will have to explore this further.
I had, somewhat in jest, suggested that I set up a company that photographs women and their cunts so that they can see the natural beauty of a swollen pussy. The women would probably have to play with themselves so that I could get them to see a before and after shot, and I’d really want them to see the mass of pink beauty that they are capable of thrusting forward to the opening of their cunts. I’d like them to see the amazing creation that can be seen once they part their labia and delve inside.
This in itself is a worthwhile cause. Women do not know their own bodies, I am sure of that and this would be one way of realising that what they feel when they make tentative moves to pushing their fingers inside them is not weird or unusual. It is what women are like and it is what heterosexual men adore when they plunge a gloriously erect cock inside, feeling those immense amount of silky folds wrapping all around their hard one.

However, in consideration of what I said earlier, I also think I should be showing women how to photograph themselves. I can demonstrate to them, and explain precisely what I have done with photos that I have taken of myself. We could collectively discuss ways of turning our men on through photographing our aroused pussies, and I would actively encourage this as a way of enabling them to feel comfortable and aroused when they choose to be photographed by their partners.

I’ll never forget the first time I photographed my pussy. I was really turned on for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, I was planning to share these photos with my lover. I knew that he would be excited by the prospect of seeing my cunt on film but that wasn’t the real issue. He can have a look at the real thing whenever he wants to. He can slide his fingers, cock or tongue in whenever he feels he would like to.
The real issue was that he would be aroused knowing that I was doing this, knowing that I had developed so far in my sexual awareness that I could be turned on purely by knowing that he was going to receive a photo of something he was already familiar with!
The excitement and the arousal was in the ‘doing’ even though one of us wasn’t present.

I was also turned on by taking a photograph of my pussy because it was only then that I could really see what was so fascinating for my lover as he lay between my legs, moved my labia apart and watched in awe as my erection turned and twisted the lively mounds of skin around.
I could, for the first time, see what he saw, and that excited me.
I was excited by my own sexuality, and if that sounds peculiar then think again. In order to be fully sexual, in order to make the most of the very best thing in life, I do think you have to be comfortable and aware of yourself as a sexual being. Looking at yourself is part of that. Men have the opportunity to see and handle their bits in the course of every day life. Women don’t.

Returning to the video of my and my cummy cunt.
It is the most fascinating video, and though I say it myself, far more fascinating than some of the videos you see on the porn sites. There is nothing wrong or weird about being turned on watching yourself in an aroused state. If you watch porn on a semi regular basis, then in many ways, it is actually better to watch your own arousal because you can absolutely remember that moment when you are so horny that you can hardly breathe.

The video is so carefully taken that there is a close up right inside my pussy. You can see the openings and the layers of deeply coloured skin that has clearly been ready and gagging for a fingering. My lover’s fingers manipulate my organs and then retract to see the effect of his wonderful touches, and then, there are clear, dark holes that appear and open, emitting that beautiful fluid and very clearly coming from some secretive and special places that are definitely not the pee hole.
As a scientific study it is fascinating. As a piece of erotica, it is beautiful. As a porn film, it is horny.

I wish I could see this clip now. I would live to remind myself of both the moment of filming and the incredibly intimate moment of viewing it for the first time. The awe and fascination on both of our faces was divine.

At some point, these amateur sex movies are posted onto sites around the world to share with other people. Some of these people are clearly exhibitionists, possibly hoping for a break into the allegedly profitable porn business. Others are just exhibitionists who simply like sharing their sexuality. I sincerely hope, though I am not naïve enough to think this is the case, that all those who I view have given consent to their presence on porn sites. I really would hate to be watching someone who simply squirms at the thought of their sexuality on display.
So, I have to ask the question. Am I comfortable with the thought of my cunt been shown on the internet for the whole world to see?

Yesterday, I was in horny mood having read some papers and had some thoughts. So I visited youporn and got off on some sites of women squirting their juices. It really did turn me on to see their excitement of one another and also the quantity of cum that they were emitting.
I noticed that these clips had been seen by millions, and that prior to my visit, there had already been over 2500 hits on that one clip on that day.
That’s a lot of people surreptitiously watching porn, methinks!

The clip of my cunt does not show my face. The sound could easily be muted to drown out my moans of ecstasy and even if they could be heard, you couldn’t identify it as me, so in many ways, I should actually be fine about it, especially as it could be used to dispel the myth that the only thing women emit during sex is piss.
But I am not sure I am ready for that.

Now here is the most bizarre thing. My lover has told a friend of his about this clip – purely in the scientific sense of course. He jokingly asked how I would feel about him sharing this with his friend, and I took him literally. I actually thought he was asking whether I minded.

I wouldn’t want him to share it with anyone, and he wouldn’t do that but in some ways, it bothered me less that he would share it with a friend than if he had asked to put it on a website. That is somewhat bizarre because the friend in question already knows, I assume, that the film is of me, of my cunt. Would he be able to look me in the eye having seen my pussy in action?
Well again, the answer to that rather lies with the person involved. Some people simply would be too embarrassed but with others, people who frequently look at porn, people who certainly seem to be very comfortable with their own sexuality and those of others, it really shouldn’t be a problem.

There is no secret between these two men as far as my sexuality is concerned. There is no secret between these two men that they are both deeply sexual beings who fully acknowledge and sometimes discuss their love of all sexual things, so in many ways, even though it was mentioned in jest, it really doesn’t bother me – if I could get a guarantee that the new voyeur would still treat me in exactly the same way as he would had he not seen my aroused state.
And there is another thing, if I am happy to be watched by this man having sex with my lover, then why should him seeing an erotic, scientific, horny piece of artwork be a problem?

I was thinking about this. People who have had sex with someone can still talk to them and have ‘normal’ relationships. I have quite a few close friends who I have fucked or at least been very sexually intimate with them, and I do not consider this as a problem when we meet so why should a friend of a friend have a problem with knowing that I am sexual?

My lover has also shown me photos of his ex-partners. I suppose that may not be ideal as these people do not know I have seen them in their sexual prime but it is not going to effect or alter the way I feel when I meet them, just because I have seen them naked or semi-naked in photos that were taken to celebrate the specialness of the time and people involved.

I am actually not an exhibitionist. I still find it difficult to believe that my cunt is worthy of public viewing or small private, intimate viewing. Although I have a fantasy about being watched having a glorious fuck with my lover, I am still far too vain to not be worried that I am overweight. I don’t actually want to be seen in the state I am currently in but there is a part of me that really does not have inhibitions about sharing me, sharing this part of me, and maybe that makes me a little odd!

What I definitely do want is the opportunity to partake in more filming. I want every single aspect of my sexuality and every aspect of our joint sexuality captured in film for eternity, or as long as people want it. I want every new sexual act to be filmed as well as the basic love making that we enjoy. (I don’t actually think our love making is in any way ‘basic’). I want to see his face as he puts his whole hand in my cunt. I want to see him putting it in there and I want to see the instant reaction of my pussy when he moves it out. I want to see him fucking me in all different positions, and I want to be filmed splashing my cum on every part of his body.
I want to film him jerking off with his fingers in my cunt whilst he does it.
I want to film him sticking his cock in my mouth whilst I squeeze his balls as tight as I dare.

The joy of sex is in the act and the togetherness. Photography and filming merely enhances and savours those moments.

As for sharing, well – let’s just say, I’m not ruling it out.

Censorship

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Thinking of pornography

So photography and Zenpuss. Hopefully, a reasonable combination.
Let us look at photography in greater detail. And I am going to talk about pornography/photography. Because in many ways, the word 'pornography' suffers the same social distaste as its sister (!) word that I discussed in the previous blog. How many other words are out there under the disdainful cloud of public miscomprehension I wonder? Maybe we could go out and search for these words and rescue them from the tawdry demise.

Now many people would argue that one of the most beautiful sights in the world is that of the human, natural form. Why is this the case? Well, in itself, I actually think we are a beautiful species. We walk around zoos and look at all these animals in their wonderful, unrobed natural state and never, ever consider popping some panties over their bits as they freely pee for public view. A few little children may giggle, and their adults companions avert their eyes as the mammals mount one another in full glare of their little darlings but let us not forget, these are animals, who are working from their instinctive intelligence and performing according to a specific need of theirs. They don't worry about who is watching. I know. They do not have the brains and the intelligences of us human counterparts, but bear with me on this. We, as a species of animal, were once in this natural, raw state, where our sexuality was as instinctive as the giraffes and the zebras. I wonder when we decided to run into the cave to have sex rather than do it outside infront of other human beings? (Interestingly, there is an article discussing stone age sexuality which suggests that they were ‘the oldest swingers in town’ and certainly did discover recreational sex way, way before some people have previously thought. It was assumed that their sexual acts were merely performed for procreation. The article goes on to suggest that monogamy only became established “as hunter-gatherer societies took up agriculture and settled in houses, allowing the social roles of men and women to become more fixed”. Now this is definitely worth a blog later).

Gradually as the world moved on, and the functions of the brain became more refined, we developed other intelligences, other senses, other emotions and ultimately social taboos. (I realise that I am jumping around rather here, and need to get back to the point!). What I am trying to say is that we were once exactly as other animals; free to pee in public, free to have sex as and when our instinct told us to do so. We may not have developed the emotional and spiritual aspects of good sex at this point, but that is how it was. And jumping ahead again, we now find ourselves in a society when we do not express ourselves sexually in front of other people. We may kiss or hold hands. We might even have a little grope 'behind the bike sheds' or in the shadow of a backstreet building. But we do not have sex in front of other people. By this statement, I am not advocating this as a required day to day occurrence. I don't actually want to watch everyone having sex but I would quite like to see some people doing it, when I choose to, when I feel that it is going to turn me on and excite me.

And this is where the issue of pornography enters into the discussion.

Pornography. What is its actual meaning? The word itself derives, as with many of our language, from the Greek for prostitute ‘porne’ and writing ‘grapho’ – writing about prostitutes. So it already has a social complication. People are fine with writing and recording but they may not be as comfortable with prostitution, and many are certainly not comfortable with recording via photography. And those of us who have enjoyed posing for a few tantalizing photographs or video clips, have we been prostituting ourselves for the satisfaction of being recorded in our full, natural, glorious and sexual state? I don’t think so. The dictionary definition is ‘sexually explicit material whose primary purpose is to cause arousal’. Well that isn’t so bad, but now have a look at this other dictionary definition. Pornography is “obscene writings, drawings, photographs or the like, ….. those having little or no artistic merit”. Yet again, we are into the very negative interpretation of the word. Who the hell has made the judgement that photographs or pictures, words on a page, erotic sculptures and artefacts have no ‘artistic merit’? Our history, our treasured art throughout the world is full of images of naked people. Picasso, Michelangelo, Degas and Dali – they all produced the most wonderful, beautiful, sensual images of men and women; pictures of women splayed on chairs, displaying their sexuality for everyone to see. Do these masterpieces have no artistic merit? I don’t think so. Do we honestly, in our prudish manner, imagine that these pictures, statues etc were produced without the ‘primary purpose to cause arousal’? I don’t think so either.

Russell Brand opens his Booky Wooky with a scene from his confinement in a sexual addiction treatment centre. When he had arrived, the counsellors at the clinic had removed his copy of the Guardian because it had a photograph of the Venus de Milo. Bizarrely, they had allowed him to retain his copy of The Sun without removing the page three ‘stunner’. Now isn’t that a weird thing but it could further my argument about the true state of the art of pornography. Maybe these ‘sex experts’ realized that that the curvature of the statue, the life-like folds of the layers of muscle and skin on the stomach, the pertness of the breasts, the looseness of the clothing around the lower body were all far more tantalizing, arousing and exciting than the day to day big knockers on Page Three of the red tops. Maybe, the slight sight of the buttocks defined by that vertical line draws you to the linen drape and entices you into ‘thinking’ about what might the artist have seen on that day. What beauty lay beneath that piece of cloth? Isn’t this the tantalizing issue? Isn’t the arousal sometimes, in what we cannot see? These counsellors at Russell’s clinic clearly thought so. I am totally convinced that Mr. Brand, like many Essex and other boys, would certainly get off by looking at the tits as seen on page three, but the point is, he could equally have been aroused by the beauty and the definition of sexuality as seen through this image of Aphrodite. In our society, one is defined as pornography, albeit it mild, and one is defined as an internationally accepted thing of significant beauty. Yet, I strongly suspect that there was more sexual arousal, more expression of excitement in the making of the statue than the quick snap of the blond, boobed bombshell.

And why do I come to this conclusion? Well, I have visited a range of sites recently to have a peep (deliberate use of the word) at some naked bodies. I have looked at men with huge dicks, women touching themselves intimately. I have seen women with their hands cupped over another woman’s breasts, holding their tongues tantalizingly close to an erect nipple of another. I have seen men pushing their sizeable cocks into a woman’s shaven pussy, whilst she has her tongue sliding into her female partners cunt. I have seen women pouring juices out of their very needy and excited bodies. I have seen women’s faces splashed with cascading cum. Do these photographs excite me? Are they there for the purpose of causing arousal? Well of course they are. They are pornography, and they work for me. As I look, I can feel that familiar sensation growing within me; that bruising urgency of arousal that requires me to direct my hands to stimulate my clitoris or to finger my g spot until I too cum with a glorious gushing of my own sexuality. And yet, the real excitement is possibly in the ‘now’ when the photograph was taken. I am more excited by the fact that these people, who were posing for the photographs, were in a moment of extreme excitement when the photograph was taken. The real turn on is that. I am looking at their well-defined bodies, and enjoying their form, their features, the sex of it but I am also celebrating their moment of energy and vitality when that ‘now’ event took place. I know from experience how it feels to be photographed in some of those situations. I know what it is like to have someone snapping away as I gush. I know what it feels like to have a camera pointing at my cunt as I splay my legs and open my hole so that the folds of my skin, the redness of my desire, the wetness of my wanting can be seen by the photographer. I know all about the excitement of having a wonderful cock inside me and having a clear image, taken for prosperity, capturing the moment when I could feel that warmth of two bodies rubbing together and enjoying one another’s needs. The end product of the photographs is wonderful. They certainly are produced for the main purpose of arousal but the real arousal comes from the taking, from the actual moment, from the ‘now’ when it happens. Maybe this is why there can never be an exhaustion of wanting more images. I can look at many photos of cocks. There is a world wide web full of them. And yes, they can excite me. But nothing, nothing excites me more than the cock that is in front of me when I choose to take a photograph of it. I can look back at those photographs and get the whole flavour of the day, of the cock, of the sexual urgency and lust of the moment.

So my opinions of pornography have changed. Or have they? In reality, maybe I was always suppressing a desire to have a look. Maybe I have always had a need and a desire to look another people’s bodies. Maybe there are plenty of other people out there like me. The art of pornography is all about recording the sexuality of the moment from which others can take pleasure. As long as people are consensual then what can possibly be wrong with this? We have beautiful bodies. Like the animals in the zoo, we have nothing to hide. Some of our bodies may be less conventionally beautiful than the alleged ‘perfect ten’ but we all have a body that is sexual in form, and we should celebrate this as and how we choose.
I am very conscious that this discussion is just a starting point. I am aware that there is probably gross naivity in its writing, and it is certainly not the end of my blogging on pornography. I would like to explore this subject in far greater detail and have far more personal experience of it too.