Quote of the Week

"It is with our passions, as it is with fire and water, they are good servants but bad masters"

Aesop
Showing posts with label female orgasms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label female orgasms. Show all posts

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

The Sex Researchers



So what did I make of the sex programme on Channel 4 recently?
Well, it was certainly refreshing to watch an entire hour of television scheduling that was concerned with the female orgasm. Let’s not take anything away from the fact that Channel 4 at least tried to consider this most important of issues.
Being a bit of a researcher myself, albeit from the comfort of a sofa or desk, I was already aware of some of the content, including the hysteria treatment and the outcomes regarding the alleged purpose of the female orgasm.
However, there were a few snippets of new things in there too.

So having watched it, what did it tell us?
·         That there is such a thing as the female orgasm – yes, I think they have probably agreed on that at least
·         That there is no purpose to the female orgasm other than enjoyment – more on this later
·         That women are more easily aroused by less overt sexuality than men – so why do we still have this nonsense that a man thinks about sex more frequently than women, or is that a different issue?
·         That there is still no real agreement about the position or even the existence of a G-Spot – can this really still be under negotiation? I’ll bloody well prove it exists to anyone who wishes to watch
·         That women are aroused through clitoral stimulation –Mmmmm. Yes, I worked that one out in my teenage years
·         That the clitoris actually extends further than its head which could explain vaginal orgasms – yep worked that one out too

And beyond that did we actually learn anything at all?

I’m not entirely sure that we did. And in that list above is there anything that you did not already know?

And what of this research? The couple from the USA, William Masters and Virginia Johnson allegedly discovered that there was no biological or physical purpose to the female orgasm. However what happened after their research? Did nobody query their findings? Did everyone simply accept that this incredible thing that happens to our bodies is simply ignored as being unimportant because it certainly seems that way to me.


And what of this whole thing about women being aroused by fairly insubstantial stimulation. What about that? Surely this should be excellent news to all those who are interested in female sexuality. Guess what girls – we appeared to get excited about watching animals fucking. Something actually happens within our vaginas that shows arousal – did anyone explore or even mention the erection that takes place inside a woman? A mere mention of the thickening of the walls of the vagina is not good enough. There is an erection taking place in there, and it remains there, as far as my personal experience is concerned, for much longer than a male erection.

For instance, I have just been wonderfully aroused and I am now sitting on a cunt full of erection. Must go and do something about that!

Returning to my point, isn’t the fact that women are so readily aroused open up all sorts of doors, or fannies, for further exploration? Doesn’t it say something about the brilliance of the female sexual mind that can transfer the subtlest of images into something that makes you want to fuck like crazy or finger yourself to climax or even better grab the most wonderful person in your life and demand a healthy dose of cock?

This is HUGE!
This tells us that there are far too many women suppressing natural and instinctive feelings and thoughts about their sexuality and doing precisely nothing about it. What a bloody tragedy? What can we do to empower these women to wake up to this fact and do something about it? What can we do to spread the word about this and tell these blokes all around us that we really are sexual beings and they don’t have to do too much to get us going?

Far too frequently, people ignore the most important sexual organ in the body and it appears that the woman’s brain is clearly a force to be reckoned with as far as brilliant sex is concerned.

The programme missed an opportunity here to say this. If there has been so much research on sexuality, on the female orgasm, then why are we still having debates as to whether it exists or what its function is? Why are we not concentrating on the very good news that women are clearly sexual animals that have a healthy and natural attitude to sex and yet still feel somewhat subliminal in the way that sexuality is portrayed as a man’s thing?

The programme also missed another obvious element of the female orgasm. There was not a single mention of ejaculation. Not one single word. In all the fucking that we watched, in all the finger stimulation not once did the camera capture a seepage from the cunt or even mention the possibility, and yet this is such an integral part of sex for some of us.

And if these sex researchers put their minds to it, have they not reconsidered not only the purpose of the female orgasm but also the purpose of the spunking too?
And another thing, where does all that juiciness come from? Has anyone ever tried to get to the bottom of that one?

The problem with sex research is that it has been limited to a certain aspect of sexuality and never seems to look at the whole thing – holistically, and once hypotheses have been founded or unfounded, then the whole thing seems to grind to a terrifying halt, and meanwhile there are women all over the world who still hide away from their own wetness and still feel ashamed at the arousal they seem to get from the softest of images.

There was one other element of the programme that somewhat got my back up. There was talk of the G-Spot and the clitoral orgasm. It turned out that feminists of the 70s were rather perturbed by this bollocking rubbish about there being a G-Spot. Why? Because apparently one needed to rely on a bloke to get to the spot and hit it (or touch or tickle) in order to achieve this very different sort of orgasm.

Marches were arranged, probably the forerunner of the SlutWalks where feminists decried the whole notion of a G-Spot because of this involvement of the man. They argued that the clitoral climax was the most significant because of the fact that it could happen as a DIY. Those girlies didn’t need a man and they did not like the idea of an orgasm being reliant on the fingering or the cock-shoving of another.

Talk about cutting your nose off!
Had they not considered the fact that they could get their own fingers up their cunts with the infamous beckoning motion? And if they didn’t want to do that or didn’t want to be reliant on a man, then why not ask their female buddies to have a go? It still exists whether it be touched by a male or a female. Personally I think the males do it rather well with the longer and stronger fingers.

And anyway, even if it is better for a man to stimulate the G-Spot, so bloody what? Surely the ultimate pleasure of climax far outweighs the alleged reliance on another to help you to the place?
Madness!

.................................................................................

In looking at this whole programme and researching for this article, I came across a couple of comments within the newspapers and blog-sphere that I would like to now pay a short amount of attention to.

Here is the first one, taken from the Daily Telegraph after the transmission of the first programme. It starts by saying “The past, in the end, is an innocent place.... how comically naive they (the research outcomes) are revealed to be”.
Are they naive? Wasn’t there something in that hysteria treatment? Wasn’t it true that the research on arousal pointed to what we still haven’t fully accommodated about female arousal?



The article goes on “What can one do but shake one’s head at its bumpkin ignorance, and congratulate oneself on having had the wisdom to be born in a spotlessly enlightened time like the present?”
The writer is joking isn’t he?

No apparently not. He continues. “Such was the self-satisfaction that washed over me as I enjoyed The Sex Researchers, the first episode of a documentary series reminding us how hopeless previous generations were about sex, compared with today, when we all know everything and are sexually fulfilled”.

So he is joking then. Phew!
Only he’s not. He seriously seems to think that all of this research is a done deal, job completed and we can steer well away from the complex issues of female sexuality for good.
I wonder if he has ever experienced a torrent of female ejaculation. Do you think he would be so smug and complacent if he had and there was no valid explanation, scientific or not to account for this wonderful phenomenon?


Here is the next one

Written by a woman, is it going to be any more enlightened?
Here is a great quote.
“Meston [one of the researchers] wants to find out why women don’t have more orgasms, which seems to me to be a futile project; I’m not sure that most of us feel such a lack and, even if some do, it’s hardly a matter of life and death”.

Well I would actually be very interested in why I do have lots of orgasms. And why after having so many orgasms I still have an insatiable need for further ones. I mean once I am in a sexual zone, there is no stopping me. Once I am aroused, I am aroused. Even feeling like a hopeless mess cannot take away from the physical feeling between my legs.

It’s all just pointless titillation to some.

The final clip comes from Dr Petra Boynton who is writing prior to watching the programme, hoping that it will provide interesting viewing and also give some sensible credence to those in the field who are genuinely dedicated to learning about sexuality for the benefit of our poor, confused race.


My only hope is that Dr. Petra and her colleagues take on board some of my points regarding next steps for research and also this whole issue about the female ejaculation, and maybe Mr. Bod from the Daily Telegraph will realise that we have hardly scratched the surface on the knowledge, the experience and the amazing diversity of sexuality that we haven’t even begun to consider.

Thursday, 2 June 2011

The Architect

He needed a walk. The stuffiness of the office had finally got to him. The last client had been on the phone for an hour and a half, picking over every single detail of the design, despite the fact that they had already discussed the timber framed staircase in full the previous day. It was lovely to be able to develop a home for someone but he sometimes wished that the people that he was designing for were a little more creative themselves.

Thank goodness he lived so near to places of natural beauty where he could just walk away and be with himself and his thoughts, shutting out the rest of the world and simply enjoying the freedom of his own creativity.

He climbed the hill, towards the copse and walked swiftly through the woods and down to the beach on the other side. The tide was out and there were still people amusing themselves in the eclectic way they do at the seaside. A few children were splashing around in the sea. Two youngsters were engrossed in pool-life spotting, darting around from discovery to discovery, sharing their finds with wide open mouths of astonishment at the extent of life forms they were finding. Their mother looked on in satisfaction.

Two twenty somethings were lying together. She was resting her head on his stomach, whilst he read from a book. Was he reading to her or silently absorbing the words in the way that she was doing with the rays of the sun? They looked relaxed, together and within their own space.

Old Henry was there with his dog, not on the beach due to the seasonal canine restrictions; a heavy price for Blue Flag status for local dog owners. It didn’t really seem fair. He sat on his folding chair, viewing the scene before him and waved a glimmer of recognition to the local architect as he passed.

A woman was having a heated discussion with someone on her phone. Did people never switch off? Couldn’t they just come along to the shore and click the ‘off’ button on their damned phones just for once? Was she working or having an argument with her lover? He wasn’t near enough to tell, and besides, he had come here to be alone; alone with the waves and the sun and the warmth and the openness.

Having walked the length and breadth of the beach, he climbed to the terrace where he knew a friendly face would serve him his afternoon tea; iced tea today for the heat of the day was still very much in existence and he fancied something cool and refreshing.

He loved this cafe. It wasn’t like other seaside cafe’s. There was no large advertising of local ice-cream, though they sold it. There were no smells of fatty foods cooking, although they had a decent range of snacks available for the beach dwellers. But best of all was its setting, carved out of a natural cave in the sandstone with an arched decking that was terraced and rounded to disguise its unnaturalness. And there were settees; proper relaxing seats for the visitors, with cushions. None of your plastic chairs here.

He sat with his tea and looked at the other customers; the usual crowd of holidaymakers delighted at this curvaceous cafe, all involved in conversations of sorts. And then he noticed a woman at the far end of the terrace with a sketch pad on her lap, pencil in hand, looking down to the young couple on the beach.

He noticed how she watched them, moving her head slightly as she did, surreptitiously marking her paper with a defining line here and there, almost subconsciously whilst maintaining a dual glance at both subjects and her own artwork.

He gazed at her for the entire length of his tea. She was so absorbed in her work that she did not notice his fixation.

She was about his age, tall, slender, blond with cropped hair that defined her elegant features so beautifully. But it was her eyes that drew him. They were startling; so focussed, so determined to capture every essence of the people she was drawing, darting around and yet simultaneously staring. How did she do that?

Every so often she would turn the page, as though she was doing two drawings at the same time. Perhaps she was. Perhaps she was also looking at the woman with the hysterical phone conversation. It sounded as though that was becoming quite heated now, but looking once more at her gaze, he was confident that her only interest was in the young couple whose bodies were semi-entwined.

His curiosity overwhelmed him and he was keen to view her sketches. He finished his tea and meandered over to the railing that gathered the end of the terrace together. He leant over and looked at the beach, deliberately standing in her way. He then turned with both hands on the metal rail, observing the fullness of his handiwork. He was rather proud of this unique design of his. It had really worked.

Noticing her slight irritation, that he had deliberately induced, he politely apologised and moved to the side. She smiled her gratitude and continued with her work, only she was now looking at the architect too.
He resolutely stood his ground, as though in battle. He was determined to see what she had drawn.

“Beautiful day!” he said. “Perfect light for work?”
“Yes it is” she responded. “Just sketching really but it is quite a spot for observational artistry!”

He decided to be forthright.
“Your glass looks as though it has been empty for some time. Your subject matter must be engrossing. Fancy another?” he said with a beautiful smile.
She looked up at him and he suddenly felt as though he too was a subject of work consideration rather than a human being with a friendly and courteous offer of a drink. How strange!
She eventually returned the smile. “I would love one please; an espresso?”

He wandered back to the cafe and ordered two, returning swiftly to his new acquaintance. He placed the coffees on the table and extended a hand of greeting.
“Cam. My name is Cam. Cam Leaworth”
“Pleased to meet you, Cam. Jenny. Jenny Dale”. She took his hand and comfortably shook it.
“Are you responsible for this place?” she asked.
“I’m impressed” he said. “How on earth do you know?”
“It’s an unusual name. I noticed it as I was walking through the High Street. Not sure why but it just stood out. Mind you the office stands out, your office that is. It caught my eye; a beautiful front. And then I noticed the engraving in the rock at the side of the cafe. Subtle, but I noticed it nonetheless.”

He laughed with embarrassment.
“It’s supposed to be so subtle that people don’t notice. My little voice of egotism; just a small signature as part of the price of the design. I want to live forever somehow!”
“And why not?” she said. “All artists, whatever their field should mark their work and be recognised for their sensibilities. I would never dream of selling some of my work without signing it. I actually want people to know who I am, what I do, and yes, live forever too in my creations”.

Cam sat down nervously. For some reason he was really embarrassed by Jenny’s discovery, and yet, why should he. As an architect, as a designer, surely he was as entitled to mark his work in the same way that an artist or a photographer marks theirs.
Jenny was correct.

She put him at ease and they ended up talking seamlessly for half an hour. He discovered she was from London and was touring the area as preparation for a new exhibition she was mounting later in the summer. She had been approached by a studio in Limehouse that was re-launching and had specifically requested some of Jenny’s work. She wanted to have something quite different to show and thought that reflective summer scenes were the order of the day, though her specialism was people. What she wanted to do was capture the ease and contentment of the summer sun without necessarily popping a great ball of orange in the corner of her pictures. She wanted the magic of the summer to be seen in the form of relaxed bodies at one with themselves and possibly others too.

This was an open invitation for Cam to be bold and ask about her current subject matter. He looked down to the couple who had now moved and were gathering their belongings together for a swift exit from the beach.
“Were they interesting? Did you capture their mood today?” he asked.
“I think so” she said, and promptly showed the current sketch to him, with the woman’s eyes closed in contemplation as her partner read from his book. The curves of the bodies fascinated him; so defined, so light. He loved curves.

He stared at her work for a long time, saying nothing. The youthfulness had been captured for sure. He noticed how Jenny had drawn the roundness of the young woman’s breasts as they surreptitiously escaped from the vest that she was wearing, but it was so subtle and yet so perfect. He looked at the way she had formed the legs, arched with a delicate etching of the foot as it slid into the soft sand. In fact, the foot itself seemed to capture the real essence of the summer, irrespective of the rest of the picture.
He commented as such and saw that Jenny was radiant in his observation.

“Is this the only one?” he sneakily asked.
“Yes” she said. “I’ve just been concentrating on them. Goodness knows how they would react to this rather intrusive voyeurism if they knew”.
“And what have you ascertained about this couple?” he asked.
She looked at him suspiciously but somehow decided this was a man to be trusted, she thought.
“They are together, emotionally. I would say that they had been together for a year or so. She’s a teacher and he is an architect!” she laughed. “They live near here and have escaped for a few hours. They make love frequently. You can tell by the way they mould their bodies together. There seems to be balance in them. I like that. And yes, they epitomise the freedom of the sun”.

Cam knew that there was another picture, looming beneath the one that he was viewing. He could see the faint outline but Jenny was not forthcoming, and he decided not to pursue it.
“I am so sorry. It is getting late and I have disturbed your work for too long. I have another client coming to the office in half an hour so I had better get moving. It’s been lovely to meet you, and good luck with the exhibition”.
“You haven’t disturbed me at all. I’ve enjoyed our chat, and I’ve enjoyed sharing my work; not something that I usually do so early in the proceedings” she said.
“It’s been good” and with that she extended her hand to him.
“Oh and if you are in London over the summer, do drop by to the exhibition. I’d like you to see the finished product of those two” she said as she nodded her head towards the couple who were now walking hand in hand off the beach.

“Listen” he said. “Are you staying in town? I’m free in a couple of hours and I would really love to talk some more. This has been too brief. And it is always good to discuss art with a fellow artist”.

“I’m staying at the Hillcrest. Why don’t you come over for a drink after work?”

He smiled and walked back to the office, having agreed to meet in the lounge that overlooked the estuary.
...........................................................................................................

The next client was far more agreeable than the phone call from the Stairs man earlier in the day. This woman, another elegant lady of similar age to himself, had recently come into some money and wanted a complete overhaul of her downstairs accommodation. She liked the idea of a totally open plan living space, with a study off the main room as the only boxed off area – apart from a downstairs toilet and wet room. She had decided on a sloped roof of glass and full floor to ceiling glass doors out onto a terrace designed with three cascading and connected water features. She had also requested a rounded work surface in the kitchen; something that very few people requested but automatically engaged this particular architect. He loved curves wherever they were.

The phone rang. It was Gemma.
“Good day?” she asked.
“Wonderful day” he responded. “James Allcock came back again to nearly ruin it with yet another new design feature to add to his already over complicated stairwell but then I went for a walk and cleared my head and things got steadily better from there.”
“Good” she said. “I like you being clear-headed. I like that you manage to maintain that and know when the time is right to just switch off. When are you finishing? Can I phone you later this evening?”
“Yes, later. I’m actually going out for a drink in a short while, and will possibly go for a meal as well.”
“Okay. Anyone I know?”
“No”
“Well have fun and I will catch up with you later”.
“It’s an artist, Gem. A travelling artist. She draws bodies. She’s good!”
“Okay”
“She’s warm and interesting. She has a very good eye for human form”
“Tell me more?”
“I will. Later.”
“Bye gorgeous. Enjoy”
“Will do. Oh Gemma? What are you wearing?”
“Jeans, white t-shirt, blue scarf..........”
“And?”
“Your favourite pair – the black lacy ones with the shiny bottom. Have fun tonight!”

........................................................................................................

Cam locked up and made his way towards the Hillcrest. He actually liked this hotel more than any other in the town. It was the bay windows really; more curvature and he loved to sit here just looking out over the town and across the estuary. He often chose to take clients here when he really wanted to win them over. It was the icing on what he hoped was his already immaculate and professional cake.

Jenny had changed into a full length white skirt with a laced bolero over a white vest. She looked stunning, and fresh. He was delighted to see that she seemed to have a couple of sketch books with her. Perhaps she was going to share her work with him.

He walked towards her and she stood up as he approached. He took her arm and gently kissed her on the cheek. She responded with a smile.
“Drink?” he asked
“I think it is my turn” she responded. “Wine, beer, G&T?”
“I think I will go with the last option please – ice and a slice too.”

She returned with two tumblers half full of alcohol with a tonic bottle between them.
“I fancy the full force of the gin this evening” she said, laughing aloud and popping her head to one side.
“Good for you” he said. “Me too!”

And so the evening began. And so it continued. They talked effortlessly about all manner of subjects from philosophy to art, including the philosophy of art. He explained why he had decided to live in this place, what it meant to him, how he loved to escape into himself and nature, what he wanted to do once he retired, how he intended to fulfil himself with all the reading and writing that he had postponed for way too long. He discussed with her his ambition to set up a trust for those who would benefit from a financial support as they developed their own creativity. He explained the apprenticeships that he had developed within the company that bypassed the usual mechanisms for becoming an architect. She talked about her personal journey through life; her career as an art historian and how that developed into becoming a full time artist.

They talked about places they had visited in Europe and further afield. She mentioned her love of South America, and how she hoped one day to have a house in Bolivia. It was her place where she felt more at one with herself than anywhere else in the world. He talked about Africa; about the setting suns and the smell of reality that he felt there.

She drank rather a few too many and so by the time they departed to the Amelie Bistro, she needed a helping hand to guide her along her first tentative steps. They laughed and smiled together as they walked the short distance and found a table by yet another bay window.
He noticed that she clung affectionately to the two sketch books that she had with her, holding them like a cared for child, reluctant to allow them to wander off.

After they had finished their whitebait starter, she leant down and placed one of the sketchbooks on the table.
“Open it!” she said, and gently pushed it towards his side of the table.

The first page, as expected, was the drawing of the young couple on the beach with a few additions from what he had seen earlier in the afternoon. Jenny had completed the splay of the woman’s arm, and it certainly did capture the warmth of the day and the total relaxation that this young thing was clearly enjoying. The arm flopped casually and yet protruded out with extended fingers that invited the viewer to look and wonder at just what she was pointing at and why she was so relaxed and calm in doing so. The woman was not looking at anything particular, and yet you were drawn to her hand movement in exactly the same way as you had to her feet diving into the sand; all pointed, extended and yet no sharpness whatsoever.

He studied it for a long time, in silence, perusing the beauty. She did do the bodies justice indeed.

She looked at him as he quietly continued searched every stroke of her pencil to the point of precision that she had manufactured. It was a beautiful drawing.

“But that is not the real story” she said quietly.
He looked up at her questioningly. She nodded down at the sketch as a signal to turn the page.
As he did so, he had a certain tremble of expectation but could not ascertain why but he knew he was about to discover a little more about this beautiful woman in front of him.

The young couple lay in exactly the same position as he had seen them on the beach. Her feet were dancing in the sand as before. Her expression on wonderment was as evident as ever. Her hands were extending above her head and pointing too in the opposite direction to her toes. The man was lying beneath her, with a book in his hand, to the right of his body, displaying his torso, just as he had seen him do so for himself. He followed the lines of the man, something that he had not done previously. He looked towards the head and noticed for the first time a shocking portrayal.

The man was him; Cam, only a version of him that was thirty years younger. It was as though she had surreptitiously sneaked into his house and dug out some old photos. He glared at her in astonishment, and she smiled serenely.
He returned to the picture.
Tracing his younger form along, he came to the woman’s head lying across his stomach. He looked at her face, and colour drained out of him.

It was Gemma.

This woman, whom he had seen with his own eyes and had made no connective recognition with whatsoever, had turned into his lover. He looked once more. It was her delicious hair, her deep and passionate eyes, the shape of her nose, the angle of her chin.
It was Gemma!

Once more he looked over at Jenny in a stupefied amazement. Okay, she could use her imagination to reconstruct his younger form but how the hell had she managed to paint a picture of Gemma.

With the inability to speak he looked towards the drawing once more. He followed Gemma’s head, down her body and saw with instant recognition the folds of her body, the deep colour of her naked nipples, the spread of her fine legs, the dark etchings of her pubic hair, the ampleness of her breasts, the relaxation of her hands as they felt the sand trickling through.
He had made love to this women so many times, and he recognised instantly the post-coital expression on her face, on her body, within her soul.
He looked down at the younger version of his own body and saw his cock, dribbling with exposed seamen, limp after exhaustive fucking, his pubic hairs flattened by passion. He looked again at the book and noticed for the first time, that it was not a book but a magazine with the timid lines of a female body on the pages.

The young couple on the beach had been transformed into two people, basking in the summer sun, having made love. She was pointing to nothing because there was nothing in her mind other than the overwhelming sensation of perfection. Her feet were slipping into the sand as her startled and delighted face was about to slip into a slumber of its own.

“They’re beautiful aren’t they?” interrupted Jenny as his eyes firmly stuck to what he saw in front of him.
“Who are they?” he asked slowly.

“They are whoever you think they are. They are the young couple on the beach. They are you and your lover. They are me and mine, now and then, before and in the future. That is what art does. It searches into your soul. It moves you to an unworldly domain. It matters not who they are but what you see in them, how you interpret their being, and even that doesn’t matter too much either. It is all ephemeral. When you look again, you might see another person, an old lover, a new one. You might see yourself as a voyeur rather than the subject. But what I am sure you do see is a feeling, a passion that in some ways only the nakedness of the body can portray”.

Cam looked at her in silence, inviting her to say more.

“I look at people. I paint them; I draw them – as they are. But what I really like to do is strip them bare so that they can see themselves anew. That we all can. I want to do more but it is somewhat difficult to get volunteers. So I have to imagine. I would love to have asked this young couple to follow me to a deserted part of the beach and strip naked, make love and then lie in the sand, just as I saw them doing. Only what I have done is eliminate time. They made love earlier in the day, I am sure of that. All I did is put their afternoon siesta on the beach into a time immediately after they had had sex, so that I could try and describe through my work the brilliance of the mind and the soul after sex, on a sunny day that shows what summer should be about.
Do you understand?”

Cam was speechless. It was all so beautiful. It was all so surreal and he still looked down and saw himself and Gemma but also now saw the young couple too, and even saw Jenny without the mane of hair that was spread across the man’s body. In his mind, he cropped it for himself and saw her lying there, with the clothes that she was currently wearing, cast aside by her feet. And the man became a woman, and the other body changed to take on a female form, and then it returned to being him. It was him and Jenny lying there. It was the two of them, embracing the sunshine, embracing life.

.........................................................................................

They finished their meal, more silently than before. She had evoked all sorts of thoughts in his mind, simply by undressing the couple on the beach. Not simply really though. He had to imagine too. And imagine he had done so.
Perhaps he was thinking back to Gemma’s panties. Perhaps he was thinking of Gemma’s cunt. Perhaps he was wondering what Jenny’s pussy was like. Had she shaved it in the same way that she had done so with the hair on her head? Did she use those delicate fingers of hers to pleasure herself as she was travelling? Did she fuck herself like Gemma did? Could she bring herself to orgasm with a flood of emotion and moistness? Did he want to find out? Was she wanting him as much as his cock was suggesting he wanted her? Did he really want her just because his cock was erect?

.........................................................................................

They walked back towards the hotel. He reached out and caught hold of her trailing hand, and she smiled up at him. Further along the track, he brought his arm around her shoulder and she reciprocated by folding hers around his waist.

“A night-cap? Or a ..............?” he said.
She laughed quietly, dislodging herself from him and walking up the steps to the hotel.
At the bar, he ordered a whisky for himself and a brandy for her and joined Jenny in the curvature of the window, dressed in starlight that was unimaginably clichéd.

“No sex” she suddenly said. “Not yet anyway”.
He nodded in agreement. At that particular moment, he didn’t want it either. He just wanted to enjoy the fullness of the moment, the anticipation, the excitement. And then all he wanted in a short instance was Gemma; her golden hair, her curved body, her open legs that clambered wide for stimulation.

“I have really enjoyed this evening Jenny. You have opened my mind. I like women who can do that for me. I have loved being with you, talking to you, watching you, watching me as I fell into the imaginations that your drawing opened up”.
“I’m glad that you feel that way!” she said.
“By the way” she continued. “It was you; what you saw in that first instance. I had drawn what I thought would be your face a few years ago. But I have no idea who the woman is. I feel as though I would like to meet her.”
“For what purpose?”
“I think we probably both know the answer to that.”

............................................................................................................

He didn’t call Gemma that night. It was too late really by the time he had got home, and although he wanted her desperately, he also wanted to be free with his own thoughts right now.

It was relatively early in the morning when he reached out and sent her a text.
‘I need to talk to you. Phone me when you can. Missing you. x’

A few minutes passed and the familiar ringtone blasted into life.
“Hello gorgeous” she said. “How are you?”
“Fine” was his response as ever. “Fine”
“How’s your pussy?”
“Oh straight in why don’t you?” she responded, giggling.
“I don’t mind if I do” he laughed.

They talked about some mundane things that never really feel mundane and about the news from France that day: sympathisers with Spain’s failing economy. All manner of eruptions taking place in Marseilles and Perpignan, of all places. They discussed the state of the weather and the patterns of sleep that both had had. They talked about the newspaper article that she had just finished, and he had corrected half way through the night.
And then he told her about his evening.

“She wants us!”
“Us?”
“Now, now, dark one!”
“Just asking!”

“She wants us! She wants to draw us! In my fantasies, I had always envisaged someone taking photographs of us. I had never allowed myself to imagine that an artist would want to sit and draw us!”
“What precisely does she want?”
“Well, Gemma, use your considerable imagination darling!”

He continued and told her about the conversation. Jenny loved drawing people. She had this new exhibition that she had to do some drawings for and the theme was “Summer Enlightenment”. She was going to be one of four contributors and she wanted something different. She particularly wanted to draw bodies enraptured with one another, exacerbated by the freedom of the summer. She wanted to draw people making love, and although her imagination was bloody brilliant and he felt as though she had captured the essence of summer love-making in the drawing of the couple on the beach, she felt that she really needed to see people making love to get the fullness of the image that she wanted to convey.

He told her about the drawing and that he had seen himself and her in an instance. He explained how Jenny had seen it too, in his reaction and how she had suggested to him that perhaps he wanted to see the image of him and Gemma because he really wanted that to happen; i.e that she would watch them as they made love, drawing every step with intricate detail.
He had tried to be coy though he thought that she had recognised instantly his utter desire to fuck in front of an artist.

“So how do you feel about it?”
“You know how I feel about it. Isn’t it along the lines of my very favourite fantasy?”
“Exactly so!” he responded. “I am surprised at myself really as to how excited I am at the prospect”
“Is that to do with your feelings for Jenny too?”
“Partly, though I am not sure whether anything will happen there. I reckon she is probably more likely to want to fuck you, but we will just see; we will go into this without any expectations, other than the utter delight of having someone in the room with us as we make love. Oh and she was quite clear about that. She said she could easily have found a couple of people who would fuck for her. What she wanted was to see the soul of love-making. It had to be, for her, two people who knew each other well enough, had a passion for one another as well as having a passion to display their feelings and would not be intimidated by another human being in the room. I told her that I thought we fitted the bill.”
“And when is this going to happen?”
“Weather permitting............................”

...............................................................................................

Gemma arrived at the station four hours later. As requested, she did not go and meet Cam but walked straight to the hotel where she was greeted by a slightly nervous Jenny immediately.
“I think I am sitting in your window” she said as she moved to take Gemma’s extended hand and a kiss on the cheek.
“Not at all” Gemma responded, “though it is a perfect view from here”.

They talked for an hour about many of the subjects raised between Cam and Jenny the previous night, without getting onto the subject of artistic voyeurism. Finally Jenny brought the conversation to its obvious matter.
“So Cam told you about my request? It may sound very strange and I do hope you didn’t think I was being too forward with your man!”
“He’s not my man” said Gemma. “He’s my special one. Our relationship is special; unique even and I love him dearly but of course I did not think you were being forward. Honestly, even if you were, that is none of my business”

“So have you ever done anything like this before, or is that too forward? Oh my goodness, I am sorry for asking”

“Don’t apologise. If we are going to do this, we need to be open and honest. I need you to know that everything should be spontaneous. I need to know about you as much as you need to know about me. I need to know whether you have done anything like this as well.
“In answer to your question, the answer is no, and yes. We have never made love in front of an artist willing to capture it for us, for you must know that you are doing us a favour as much as we are for you. However, we have had sex in front of other people once or twice but it was quite recreational, I suppose – lovely, different, but not, I think the sort of sex that you are looking for”

“I’ve never done this before”, Jenny announced. “I’ve never had the guts to ask but there was something about Cam that made me do so. Is that okay to say?”
“Of course it is” Gemma smiled knowingly.
“But I have done drawings whilst I have been making love, only it is a bit of a passion killer when your mind is not completely on the job. I have drawn sketches of my partners’ genitalia. I have a strange passion for drawing genitals; male and female”.
“Not strange at all. I have a passion for looking at genitalia, male and female. It is the most beautiful thing in the world; both. In fact, I have a desire to enable women to be more familiar with their pussies. I want to photograph them so that they can see the essence of themselves in the beauty of their form. That is similar to what you are doing in some ways”
“It is, it is!” said Jenny excitedly. “Part of the ‘Summer Enlightenment’ exhibition is precisely that. I want women to know their bodies and to glorify in the magic of summer sex”

“And how will you feel about watching someone else make love? Have you thought about that?”
“Honestly, I think I might be pretty aroused. I confess that I am already feeling a little aroused at the prospect and we haven’t even started yet!”
“And how would you feel if one of us was so aroused by you sitting there with your sketch pad that we invited you in? How would you feel about that?”
“I don’t know” said Jenny. “I honestly don’t know”
“Well, I know that I would be extremely excited” said Gemma. “Obviously, in the first instance you want to capture the love-making, but if you ever feel a need to stop because you are so aroused then do so. Just as we will not hold back with our love-making, then neither should you hold back if you are turned on. Whether you want to masturbate, strip off, join in with him or with me, that is up to you, and I want you to know that both of us will be happy with whatever happens”.

At that point, the architect wandered into the room. He embraced Gemma and kissed Jenny on the cheek.
“Have I interrupted at a vital point?” he asked.
“Not at all” said Gemma. “I was just discussing options with Jenny; ones that we discussed this morning.
“Right then, “ he said “ all good and relaxed.

They talked some more and then the three of them got in Cam’s car and drove off, passed the copse, passed the beach, through the valley and down to the woodland at the bottom of the hill. They walked along the cliff top and dropped down to the bay below. Not a soul was there, other than three excited and stimulated people.

“I’m going to sit here for now” said Jenny.

Gemma had already removed her clothes and was wandering towards the shore. Cam followed her and Jenny already had her first sketch taking form as the lovers silhouetted with their feet in the sea, and Cam’s cock moving into life at the mere tenderness of the touch of hands and the thought of what was to come.
She felt down and took his cock in her hand as he threw his arms around her and kissed her with a passion and desire unadulterated.

His nakedness was so liberating, more so because it was being viewed.

She wanted to kneel down in the water and take his cock in her mouth. That was part of their love making, though she thought Jenny might want something more serene. So they walked back up the beach and lay down on the mat that Jenny had graciously provided.
He moved around so that Jenny had a great view of their bodies, so that she could capture every curve and every movement of their vital parts. He felt his fingers sliding towards Gemma’s cunt as she opened her legs a little wider to invite them in.
They were then almost oblivious to Jenny’s presence, right up to the point when Gemma climaxed and the artist let out an astonished gasp at the gush of cum from her cunt.

“Sorry!” said Gemma “ I should have warned you”
She looked across at Jenny, who was still open-mouthed but was clearly hugely excited at what she had just witnessed.

“I wasn’t going to interrupt but what the hell was that?” she cried
“That’s my baby – gushing like a real woman!” said Cam.
“And it’s cum?” said Jenny.
“Yes it is” said Cam. “And there’s more where that came from”

He opened Gemma’s legs once more and started to feel once more into her body, stroking her clitoris, fingering her g-spot until he knew that he could withdraw and allow more cascades to come from her body. And then he drew himself onto her, fitting his cock firmly into her wetted cunt, and made love to her with the full knowledge that every movement was being watched and caught by this most generous of ladies.

They both climaxed with a simultaneous eruption, and lay there, side by side, allowing the physical
bond to run its course through their bodies. Oblivious once more to their voyeur they spooned
themselves together and drifted into an afterlife.

Jenny was being uncontrollably professional, though her whole body was conveying a far more
pressing desire. Her body was responding in deep fascination to these people bonding in the way
that they were, and it was not long before she felt herself shifting around, trying to eradicate the
feeling of desire.

“Spontaneity!” called Gemma from her slumber.
And Jenny laughed.

The architect smiled as his cock raised once more and he dreamed of a Limehouse studio that
needed a visit in the not too distant future.



Monday, 4 April 2011

Sharing Porn and Wanking

What is the oldest profession in the world? Google it and you come up with the inevitable – prostitution.

How many times have you heard that men think about sex frequently? Google it and you will see a mass of results on the subject.

According to Wikipedia, the porn industry in the US alone is worth between $2 and $13 million. Why the analogy between the two figures, one wonders?  -but not for long. Surely the difference in these figures is down to the fact that there are still plenty of people who do not want to admit that they are either producing or watching porn.

In 2001, it was estimated that the internet accounted for $1billion of annual income distribution in the industry with magazines generating a similar amount.  Cell phones, in the same year had a mere $30 million. Of course, that was before smart phones and I suspect this figure has changed somewhat over the last decade.

How long has the sex industry been going? Is it disappearing anywhere at present or merely reinventing itself with the changes in technology?

Ask yourself a question. If there was a chance that your viewing would not be traceable on a computer’s hard drive, how often would you look at porn?

If there was a dedicated porn world wide web, would you want to be part of it?

If you enter certain sexual phrases into a search engine, how many pages are you referred to?
Here is a taster.
Sexy legs – 5 million
Fucking – 359 million
Fellatio – 8 million
Female orgasm – 4 million (oh yes girlies, we are way behind cock sucking!)
Female ejaculation – 6 million – and still the world does not believe that it exists.

To put this searching into context, here are a couple of none sex related popular searches at present.
Kate Middleton – 26 million – more popular than fellatio but way off fucking
Michael Jackson – 210 million
Marxism – 6 million; only a few more than sexy legs.
Even something as generic as “philosophy” only generates a fraction of the word “fucking”.

And my point is?

Sex is more important than one of the most famous icons of our time or the most googled woman of the day or the greatest force of free thinking in the world and yet we still shy away from its existence and its significance in our lives. Time proves that the sex industry is a long and well established force. It evolves and develops but ultimately it is about the glorification and delight of penetrative sex.
And still we do not acknowledge the importance of the subject in our lives.

A friend of mine asked me recently if I had ever seen my partner wanking. Thankfully I could answer honestly that there were very few things in life that delighted me more than seeing my lover with his cock in his hand, vigorously jerking himself off, especially if he has his other hand up my cunt simultaneously. However, I could also tell my friend that there had been plenty of times in my life when I had definitely not seen a partner masturbate because it was an unspoken entity in our sex lives.

This conversation then developed into that whole realm of masturbation and the fact that some people still think that their partner wanking is a negative reflection on their ability to arouse.
Many women feel that if their man has a need to jerk off to a porn site or a magazine then that means that they are not as aroused as they ought to be by their partner. According to some women, it shows a lack of commitment to one person. It shows the woman that they are not as sexy as others with bigger tits or firmer buttocks. They really find it offensive that a man can be sexually excited by others.

Well obviously, this then leads into another realm of misunderstanding and the helpless and hopeless insistence on complete monogamy, including the commitment to not look as well as not touch. I am not even going to go there because that is for another time; once explored and surely needs revisiting from time to time.

What I am most interested in is people’s ability to enjoy one another’s sexuality with the assistance of a bit of porn and an acknowledgement of the joys of the sex industry rather than bemoaning its existence and trying to eradicate its influence.

One of the things that I really enjoy doing is sharing my pornography viewing with my lover. We cannot always be together but we can definitely be sexually excitable and sexually exciting one another from a distance.
From time to time, I might go to a website and look at it, feeling myself getting extremely aroused at my viewing. Not only do I treat myself to a bit of DIY whilst looking, I also revel in the fact that with a hit of a button, I can send a hyperlink to my lover so that he can see precisely what has aroused me. The fact that he does the same is mind-blowingly exciting and, for me, indicates a real honesty and intimacy between us.

I love the idea that he is such a sexual being that he can reach out for a magazine or connect to the internet whether I am there or not and enjoy the utter delight of other female forms. The fact that he gets off on women that do not look like me merely excites me rather than makes me envious of their perfect bodies; after all, it’s me that has the pleasure of fucking him, not them, and even if they were fucking him, he would still be enjoying the intimacy of sex with me precisely because I am happy for him to wank away with others.

Sex is there. It is a part of our lives; all of our lives. It is very much a part of my life with my lover but is also a fraction of what makes up the intimacy between us.

And there is another thing.
My lover asked me the other day whether I liked having spunk gunked all over my face.
I bloody love it – was my response. He responded too, saying that he would love to see another man shoot his load all over me, just as he had seen in a recent youporn clip that he would like to share with me.
Had it not been for the fact that we had shared porn together and that we discussed our individual viewing of porn, I would not have been able to give him the honest response that I then did.
I too loved looking at women covered in spunk but as far as I was concerned, at this moment in time, I did not want other people spunking over my face; only him. I would be quite happy for a bloke to shoot his load over my stomach (something that I totally adore) but for me, there was something very intimate about climaxing on my face and I only wanted him to do that. That is not to say I did not enjoy watching other people with a face full of the creamy white stuff.

Now we could not possibly have had that conversation were it not for the fact that we are honest with one another and that we have both viewed the sort of pornography where these things happen. In viewing we are only furthering our intimate knowledge of one another, and neither does this detract from the times when we want nothing more than to lose ourselves in sensual love-making that is so dynamic and enduring that it makes me cry, where passion is so intense that we are almost angry with one another for not having more sex and no sharing more opportunities of sexual togetherness.

Sex, the porn industry and the viewing of hard core does not detract from our sexual relationship. It enhances it. I feel no envy for the delicious women that he wants to watch because he knows he can share his enjoyment with me. I’d actually rather like to just sit and watch him as he views a magazine so that I can see precisely how he gets aroused. In fact, I want to film him doing this so that he can watch himself too.

Sex is there. It is not going to go away so I think it is about time people started to consider the positives rather than the negatives of such prolific enjoyment that could be shared.
I still have certain concerns about abuse and exploitation and I would be horrified if I found out that any of the gorgeous young women that I had watched ‘enjoying’ themselves felt that they had no choice in what they were doing. But the porn industry is not prostitution. I am sure there are some seedy get-ups where women are not comfortable with what they are doing. I am sure there are porn pimps out there but hopefully they are not being viewed by me.
I know this is complicated and I have no way of finding out but I do happen to believe that if we were all a little more honest about the fundamental need for sex, then this exploitation could not take place.

Meanwhile, I will continue to go to trusted sites and view some beautiful bodies. I will continue to write about the things that excite me on a daily basis and I will continue to share with a passion the delights of the sexually enlightened with my lover.

I just hope he sends me one of those hyperlinks before I explode, and I hope the reader will enjoy the thought that I am happy for the world to be aroused in any way they choose; sharing it is the best.

And on a final note, I hope that this piece will be found with a google search alongside the other 25 million on wanking.

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Sartorial Sex

Sartorial Sex? Thanks but no thanks.

Sartorial sex? Sex that needs dressing up in elaborate clothes? Sex that involves embellishment in its retelling? Sex that requires exaggeration of the frequency and intensity of orgasmic sensations?
I don’t think so!

I don’t need sartorial sex!
I don’t need to pretend that the sex that I have is anything other than what it is. It requires no dressing up.

My sex is a cunt and a cock; mutually needy, mutually moist, mutually content.
Perfect wholeness, perfect oneness.
Total togetherness, complete individuality.
Serenity, sensation.
Peace, pandemonium.

My sex is loving and it is frantic. It is lusty but not driven by a lust. It is full of the most vital ingredients of respect, understanding, warmth, desire, passion, caring and an abundance of others that are equally important.

My sex fulfils me utterly to the point of seeming saturation. Only there is never a point when I do not want sex.
My mouth may shout “No more” but as I scream the words my legs are opening and begging for him to reach inside me once more, pounding again at the most intense point of amalgamated flesh that is protecting and collecting around my g-spot.

My sex is demanding and compassionate. It is liberating and yet I want it to devour me too, metaphorically tying me to the bed to take more and more of this perpetual brilliance.

My sex is intensely passionate. It is aggressive in touch and expectation. It is delicate in its penetration and feeling. At one minute I am begging for his cock to ram me as hard as he can, to bang forcefully into my cunt, pushing his delights so far into me that my entire abdomen seems to be exploding with an array of consciousness from every strand of skin that he gloriously manipulates. At other times, I can hardly feel him easing himself inside my body such is the juiciness of our bodies and the fixation on eyes and thoughts and feelings. There is a naked invisibility to our desire that makes the entire togetherness feel ephemeral so slight is the touch. Yet it is far from fleeting.

I call for more knowing that my body can hardly take another incursion, not that I ever feel that such divine penetration is offensive.
I beg for his cock because there is nothing, nothing, nothing that gives me more pleasure, more delight.
I need his cock, I need his adoration, I need his touch, I need to be held, to be cared for.

My sex gives me all of this, and in receiving, I give, and in giving, I receive.

My sex is my everything. There is nothing more important in my world. This sex is the pinnacle of human experience. It is where passions collide and mutually excite.

I want to write reams about this. I could write reams. I want to labour every single sensation so that the reader can see just how extremely important this sexual experience and my sexuality is.
And yet, my sex is a cock and a cunt.
It is that simple.
There is nothing more to say despite my wish to explain more.

My cunt, his cunt.
His cock, my cock.
Mine and his without possession, without ownership, without dependency.
Mine and his with possession, with ownership, with dependency in that single moment where the oneness and the desire for one another supersedes everything else.
It is a cock and a cunt.
That is all and a million things beside.

Am I needy? How can I possibly be so when I have had this sort of sexual experience?
Am I needy? Completely – to the point that I almost feel that I cannot get through the next twenty four hours without this majestic, sexual wonderment immediately.
My cunt is absolutely brimming with immense satisfaction at the moment but such incredible perusal of my cunt leaves it physically very tender. The tiniest of movements evokes an awakening, reminding me of what I have received all day. I have an orgasm collecting there in an instance.
My cunt is metaphorically bruised by amazing, incredible fucking. That sensation is still there some eight hours afterwards.
It is almost as though it is reminding me, no telling me, that I should and will have more. I may have to wait but I will definitely want more.

Is it wrong to want more? Shouldn’t I be satisfied by this immense sex and be grateful that I have ever had this experience? Of course but I would be insane, having had this experience, to simply park it as a memory and not desire it once more.

If I could, I would be lying back in bed right now. If I could I would be holding my cock, his cock in my hand, rubbing it into life, making it as erect and needy as it was earlier today. If I could, I would be begging him to rub my clitoris whilst he pushed his fingers inside me. If I could, I would spray my pussy juices all over him whilst demanding that he fills my cunt with ‘my’ cock. If I could, I would hold his face as he grabs a plentiful amount of flesh from my breasts, fondling them and forcing my nipple into an erection of its own. If I could I would plead with him to stop and immediately stipulate how much I need him back in me. If I could I would have him back in me and I would immediately be gushing my juices all over his shaft and feeling them ooze out of me to soak his awaiting balls. If I could, I would push his hands behind my arse and encourage him to spunk his gorgeous whiteness into my awaiting pussy. If I could I would insist that he talks to me and tells me how all of this feels. If I could I would tell him how fucking adorable he is and he would reciprocate knowing that a physical reward to such words are a mere second delayed. If I could we would orgasm together and fall into one another externally and internally, together and alone, loving and knowing.
Blissful in one another’s deliciousness.

If I could do all of this I would need no sartorial nonsense to elaborate my sex.

Because this sex is Satori; the ultimate expression of everything and nothing, of companionship and oneness, of complete satisfaction and an incredible desire for more.
Satori cannot really be explained. It is almost absurd to do so.
It is our cock and our cunt but it is abundantly more than that and yet in its simplicity, it is exactly that; his cock, his cunt.

All I know is that I can never ever return to a pre-satori sex existence. My cunt deserves the sex that I have. It has given me meaning. It has made sense of my being, of me being who I am. It has made me.

As I lie in nothingness and everything, I care about nothing and I care for everything. I consider my needs and I consider nothing at all.
I think there is nothing but nothing IS everything.

And that is the elaborate state of sex; the simplicity of knowing that through sex we can achieve a state of nothingness which encapsulates the most essential, precious component of life itself...............


.........................as I said, it really is not that easy to explain but for those who have got no idea what I am talking about, I sincerely hope you have this sort of sex to come. It is possible and from someone who had to do just this, it is worth waiting for.

Just expect your neediness to increase though.

As I said at the beginning, Sartorial sex? You can keep it. I don't need pretty pictures or beautiful drapes.
I need the nothingness of and the completeness of being.
I need satori.
And so do you.

Monday, 26 April 2010

Female Sexual Dysfunction

Does anyone remember the illness ME? Popular in the 1990s? The Yuppie Flu or to give it its proper title “Myalgic Encephalopathy?
Do you remember how sufferers coped with the indignity of people suggesting that it was an illness that was totally in the mind, as though the only people who could suffer from this illness were those who already suffered from hypochondria?

I had a couple of friends who had to cope with this illness for many years. One of my friends would sleep for more than eighteen hours a day. She did this for about eighteen months. Quite frankly, whatever it was, it was quite terrifying. She became a mere ghost of the person that she was. She lost confidence, her job, her belief in herself and her dignity.
Another friend had a similar story. She seemed to suffer from the most oppressive inertia. Even when she did manage to come out, she would fall asleep within hours. She couldn’t drink. She could hardly converse and she had nothing to contribute to the conversation because she didn’t actually do anything all day. She couldn’t even comment on the mass of television programmes that she watched because she couldn’t remember watching them.
Thankfully, both friends survived and rarely have to cope with this chronic fatigue any longer.

Yesterday, there was an article in the newspaper about Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD). This is a serious and very real problem for some women. It is something that they have to contend with on a daily basis. It is dismissed by many and, according to the newspaper, it has taken until the year 2010 to have a medical conference about the problem in this country.
I clearly mention ME in conjunction with FSD because it appears that both illnesses are discredited and there are certain people who think that they are both a figment of the sufferer’s imagination.

If you want to read the article in full, here is the link.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/apr/25/women-viagra-polly-vernon

My next blog will include a greater commentary on the article itself but I want to look at the whole notion of FSD for now.

According to the article, there are 43% of women who suffer from FSD.
There are three main areas of FSD.
1. Lack of sexual desire
2. Lack of orgasms
3. Pain during intercourse

Within these three areas, there are a range of problems and there are a range of issues as yet seemingly ignored. For example, does a woman within this 43% suffer from a genuine lack of libido or is her lack of sexual desire accountable to the fact that she is no longer attracted to her partner? If some of these women were a little more honest, do they feel a little gorgeous sensation when they fantasise about someone else, for instance?
Of these 43% of women, are they totally incapable of reaching an orgasm or is it just that they cannot achieve a climax with their partner? Or is it that they cannot orgasm during penetrative sex yet are perfectly capable of climaxing when they are masturbating.
Of those 43% of women, how many have pain because they do not really understand their bodies and do not use their mind to add additional moisture to their pussies as they await penetration.
(Please note, I am not belittling this problem at all. I am sure that it is very real for some people and having painful sex is utterly vile. I know. I’ve been there.)

The problem, it seems with FSD, is that it is not very clear what the cause, the symptoms and therefore the treatment could be. It covers a wide range of issues in comparison with the male counterpart that seems to be wholly focussed on erectile dysfunction. This in itself is interesting because there is an assumption that ALL men want sex. It’s just that sometimes their dicks don’t do what their brains and their hearts desire. To suggest that women’s sexual dysfunction is more complicated implies, by default, that they may not actually want sex. Why is this never a consideration the other way around? Why do people assume that it is acceptable for women to not want sex, as though this is the norm?
For those of us who want sex far more frequently than we can get it, this sort of assumption makes us feel abnormal when in actual fact we are probably far sexually healthy than most.

Again, in the article, there is a suggestion that because the female anatomy is more complicated and intrinsic, then there is a possibility that this is also making the FSD more difficult to treat. With a man, you either get an erection or not. With a woman, there’s the clitoris and the G-Spot (and there is still debate as to whether this exists). There’s the inner and outer labia. There’s all kinds of folds and burrows inside a pussy that have yet to be properly analysed as to their function.
There is a clitoral orgasm and there is a vaginal orgasm. There is a dreamy cum that tingles all over, and there is female ejaculation (and there is still debate as to whether this exists). There are all sorts of orifices as yet undiscovered. There are those who think it is perfectly normal for a woman to have erect organs on penetration or anticipation of it and those who don’t have erections (and there is still debate as to whether this exists).

On writing this and looking more intensely and biologically at the female organs, I am quite humbled by the brilliance of our creation. What a pity people see it is a problem rather than the exquisite execution of evolvement that it is.

Clearly, the medics cannot treat the problem if they cannot ascertain what the problem is, especially if there is an amalgamation of loss of sexual appetite, lack of orgasm and pain on penetration. Which does come first: the chicken or the egg? Is it about physicality or is there a mass of work required on getting women to think more sexually? Is it about understanding the body or is it about understanding the soul? Should sexuality be about the orgasm or the means to its feasibility?

Later in the article, there are a few comments suggesting that the actual number of genuine sufferers is far less than the 43% stated.

Two points about this. Firstly, there is a possibility that those who are clinically treatable either by medicine or by counselling is smaller but that still accounts for a large number of women across the nation that are not experiencing the type of sex that should be an entitlement.
Secondly, if there are 43% of women out there who even tick one of those three boxes in a small way, then that is a problem for them that should not be ignored. The level of FSD is immaterial if you are suffering from it. If a woman feels that they have FSD because they cannot get an orgasm with their partner, then this needs to be looked at. I truly hate the idea of women not being able to orgasm. I’m not sure that I could cope with life without orgasms now. I’m not sure I do cope with life when I don’t orgasm!

Confession time. I suffered from FSD for years without even realising it. If someone had come up to me in the street and asked me if I suffered from FSD, I would probably have denied it. Who wants to admit that they are not feeling particularly sexual? In saying that, there is a possibility that the figure of 43% could actually be smaller than reality therefore.
Lack of sexual desire: Yes, I ticked that box. I was totally disinterested in sex. I would happily have continued throughout my life without another fuck. I was content but didn’t need or desire sex but I didn’t really think this was a problem.
Lack of orgasm: I’d had so few orgasms in my life through penetrative sex that I genuinely believed there was a possibility that it was a figment of someone’s imagination. I knew that there was a clitoral orgasm because I could get that through masturbation but as far as having an orgasm through penetrative sex, it was simply unachievable. I couldn’t even get an orgasm from being given a finger fuck. Again, it wasn’t really a problem. As long as my partner was getting some enjoyment out of jigging his finger in and out of my cunt, and as long as I could pretend this was enjoyable, then all was well with the world.
Pain during sex: Well, I don’t think I have suffered too often with this but there have certainly been times when I have been way to dry for penetrative sex, probably because of the lack of desire. That can be rather painful. I’ve also had pain on occasions when I have been fucking for ages in a time when I have been barren for months. Come to think of it, I think I probably had my hymen rebroken for my fortieth birthday!

I suffered from FSD and I didn’t even know. I lost over a decade of what should have been a time of sexual stimulation and excitement. No wonder I devour cock when I get the opportunity now. NO wonder I want to stick it in my fanny at every opportunity. No wonder I want to grasp it in my hand and feel its glorious hardness as I direct it to my mouth. I am so bloody fortunate that I discovered my sexuality before it was lost forever.

I was lucky. I found someone who realised my sexuality before I did. I had the dormancy removed but others are not so fortunate and this is something that people should not have to suffer silently.
Ideally, this is something that women should aim to remove for themselves without reliance on drugs or even other people.

The point is that if women are not honest and open about either their function or dysfunction sexually, then there will be a perpetuation of myths and incorrect advice and guidance given to women.
In the recent past, I have been cautious about speaking about my sexuality (apart from here) because I didn’t really want women who had never had gushing orgasms to feel inadequate. I didn’t want to reiterate their problems but the simple fact is that it is up to people like me to tell the women out there that they can have mind-blowing sex even if they, like I did, feel that sex is way down on the list of priorities.

Here’s my truth.
Sex is right up there as one of my biggest priorities in life. I admit I am fortunate that I have a sexual partner who I am extremely turned on by. Not everyone is. Without being flippant, I would seriously suggest that if you are not turned on by your partner, do something about it, rethink or alternatively, don’t close your eyes to the possibility of another partner.

Sex is enjoyable. To say that sex is enjoyable is a complete and utter understatement. It blows me to smithereens. It consumes me. It encapsulates my body, my brain, my spirit, my soul. When it is good it is the most incredible thing known to woman. Believe me please. I am a convert. I need sex. I think about it frequently; not too frequently but as much as any man I know.

Female orgasms exist. Every woman should orgasm regularly. Every woman should know their bodies and understand how to get an orgasm. Every woman should be able to get an orgasm on their own. In understanding what their bodies are capable of they should expect a similar orgasm to be achieved by their partner. If you can get an orgasm through masturbation, you should be able to have the same orgasm by your partner. If you cannot get it through him or her finger fucking you, then get the toys out that you use to wank and let your partner play with your fanny.

Not only do female orgasms exist but the G-Spot is real. FACT! If it is not fact then what the hell is it inside me that erupts when stimulated? Please believe me, the G-Spot is there and it can be stimulated by cock or finger, and when it is fucked, it creates the most brilliant and pleasurable feeling that is definitely an orgasm. It’s not the same as a clitoral orgasm but it is equally wonderful.

Female ejaculations happen. This is not a figment of someone’s vibrant imagination. It happens. It is not a camera trick of hard pornography. It is real. Only a few hours ago, I was poking around with three or four fingers inside me as my lover rubbed his cock in front of me. Reaching into my cunt, I could feel the squirt coming. It did.
Immediately afterwards, he reached inside me as his fingers are longer than mine. I splattered my juices over his inserted hand too.
If someone who suffered from FSD for what seemed like an eternity can gush like this, then so can others.

Wanting sex is not the domain of men. It is not abnormal for women to think about sex more that once every half hour. It is not unusual for a woman to get all hard down below at the thought of sex. This is real too. I am not abnormal for thinking about sex. I am not abnormal for wanting sex. I am not abnormal for asking for sex. Some would even probably like me to demand more sex, within reason. I have a high libido, not an abnormal one. I like fucking. I like fucking alot. I like making love even more.

I could go on but I need to keep this succinct because this is so intensely important.

If you are reading this and you have not experienced all of the above but have experienced some, it does not mean that you suffer from FSD but it does mean that you might have some element of your sex life that could do with a little additional spice (if you want).
If you are reading this and have never experienced any of the above, it does not mean that you suffer from FSD but you may want to consider what sex could be like.
If you are reading this and have never experienced any of the above, it could be that despite the warning on this blog, you are under age and want to know something about sex. If you are one of these people, then do not settle for anything but the best. I want you to have the sort of sex that I didn’t know existed but I want you to have it when your mind and maturity can play an integral part in the enjoyment of sex.
If you are reading this and have experienced all or most of the above then do something about it. Tell your friends. Rejoice in your sexuality. Rescue your sexuality from the societal claim that intense sexuality belongs to men. Let women who are potential, partial or actual sufferers of FSD know that there is an alternative to boring, meaningless sex.

Men who are reading this too. You have an important role to play. If your partner is not achieving these things then do something about it. Don’t cum in seconds flat. Think about her needs too. Consider why she may have a lack of sexual desire and work on it, together.

We have to start being honest about the reality of sex for women and the fact that it can be brilliant.
The medical profession has got to get real about this being a real problem. It’s strange to think that Victorian women had shock treatment to stimulate their libido and I am not sure we have advanced much further since then in dealing with FSD.

FSD is a silent problem and will remain so if people are not honest about their sexuality.
Let’s do it now.

And finally, and this is a genuine offer. If anyone wants to talk about this further, then Zenpuss is happy to oblige via email.

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Zenpuss is thinking.....


Zenpuss says……
I’m confused, and so it appears are many others. What precisely is the Sex Industry in the United Kingdom and who precisely is allowed or not allowed to do or sell certain products, including oneself?
This question has materialised over the last few weeks with regard to the Lap Dancing Clubs that are opening on the High Streets of small and larger towns across the country. It has also reared its head in relation to the types of job that the packed out Job Centres are allowed to advertise – a point made in Jenni Russell’s article in the Guardian at the beginning of the week.
For me, there is a particular issue about exploitation that will not go away, and also differentiates what I deem to be acceptable and what is abhorrent. I cannot bear to think of the poor young women who feel forced into doing something against their will or their instinct because of poverty or the overriding and abusive influence of another. Nobody could ever condone that sort of practice and every feasible rule of law should be available to support these vulnerable and naïve folk.
Some would also argue that even if they have made this choice for themselves, there is a possibility that they are oblivious to the exploitation that they have stumbled into. They think that titillation is fun, when really it is merely an abuse of the female form, reiterating that it only has one purpose – for the amusement of the greater being, i.e. the male species.
However, it must be a fact that some people actually feel confident about their own body, enjoy their own sexuality and genuinely want to thrill and excite people into feeling good about themselves, and they utterly adore and enjoy being able to demonstrate their sexiness and get a real sense of excitement for themselves in arousing others. And I have to say that these people are extremely fortunate and have an important role to play. Somebody has to be happy to do this. Someone has to choose and enjoy performing for hard core because if they didn’t, hard core wouldn’t disappear. It would simply revert, if that is the case, to the exploitation that is so abhorrent.
Ms. Russell is correct. There is an enormous difference between sitting on a factory or shop floor making or selling dildos and performing ‘extras’ in a massage parlour in the back streets of Soho. She is absolutely correct in saying that if we don’t have the legal terminology to differentiate between these, then we should think about it – “fast”.
But this is only half of the issue.
At the beginning of the article, Jenni Russell also makes a very clear point about the contradictions within government. On the one hand, we have Jackie Smith and Harriet Harman talking about changes to the sex industry that will protect the innocents and at the same time, the Department of Work and Pensions is allowing advertising for jobs in what some would deem to be the same “Sex Industry” albeit in a different form to pimping and prostitution.
Well, yes. Of course there are contradictions. I can think of many more contradictions in government speak when one minister says one thing and another of the same party comes up with a completely different scenario or solution. There is very little that is new in that.
However, this shields a key issue about sex and sexuality in this country.
We’re all confused, or so it seems.
I am sure some readers of this blog, assuming that you are out there, would say they were far from confused. They are fascinated by sex. They love being aroused by hard core porn and are perfectly happy with the ambiguous boundaries regarding the various forms, roles, jobs etcetera within the industry.
Yet in reality, it is one shoddy mess, and there is no guessing for the reason. To me, it is quite apparent.
In this country, we cannot discuss sex sensibly. We cannot have these debates because as a society we are rather prudish and puritanical about this subject, and because of this, we get these hypocritical contradictions.
We loathe obvious sex, yet we window dress our chain stores with clothing for young children that are overtly and horrendously sexual. We hide sex toys in corners of shops to laugh at them , embarrassed at the thought of using them, yet we do use them, and if we don’t we wish we could. We do not condone the girly mags high on the shelves of the local newsagent, yet we are secretly dying to have a peek because that is our instinctual behaviour. Talk about an example of nature versus nurture.
We have a natural predilection to be interested in sex, yet our society tells us that overt sexuality is wrong, shared sexual experiences other than a monogamous relationship is unacceptable, even thinking about sex should be curtailed and hidden.
We brush sex and its successful and profitable industry away, hiding it in a deceitful and derogatory way, confusing its every avenue. We are appalled at prostitution yet legitimise it by using it – well some do!
We are completely and utterly confused, and why? Because the reality of facing our sexuality and being more liberal and thoughtful about sex would confront so many fixed and ingrained ideas of both individual and society, then in reality, it is probably best to just continue with the fudge and turn away because it is too damn scary to consider alternatives and think about sex in a more positive and stimulating way.
Until we have proper, sensible and open discussions about this, there will continue to be confusions, contradictions and hypocritical behaviour, and I do not exempt myself from this. I am as hypocritical as the next person, living a contradiction of being totally in touch with my sexuality and pretending that it doesn’t exist.
I suspect that Jenni Russell and I may have different reasons for wanting clarity. I suspect that Jenni has a fairly standard feminist view of the Sex Industry, though I am making huge assumptions. I share many of her views but I also recognise a real need to be more positive about some aspects of the sex industry that I am not sure some women will ever be able to do.
I return to my points above.
Not all who choose to be sexual within the industry are being exploited. Some are, and something needs to be done about that. But there are many who are simply being incredibly positive and honest about their sexuality and how it can be enjoyed by others.
Turning back to Lap Dancing clubs, the same issues apply. There are some girls who are being treated like utter crap, being exploited into paying for their spot. There are managers of these places who are clearly not adhering to the “no touching” rule that enables them to get their licence, and of course, something has to be done about this. There are people pretending that these are not sexual places. Why? Because the great British public cannot cope with sex being so prominent in theirs or our lives. The end product? More fudging. More confusion. More hiding. This is not good!
Utopia? What would that look like? Would we want to be like the Dutch or the Swedish in being honest and open about sex? Well, I think that is the case. What we cannot have is the status quo. We really need to have these discussions and we need them fast.
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Another interesting article this week that is slightly relative to this was the in the Observer Women’s magazine. It was titled something like “The married women of Britain tell it like it is”. There were four or five married women talking about love, life, marriage, sex etc. They were the stereotypes ranging from newly married to the serial affair doer.
I wasn’t in there. Not one of them had anything to do with representing me, and I am fairly convinced that I am not unique.
Yet again, they talked about ambiguous and what I would have found somewhat patronising and futile questions. Not once were they asked about female orgasms or masturbation or what happens when they feel they want to go a step further in the flirting game. They weren’t asked about their ideas on polyamory or indeed the Sex Industry, whether they know about their partners sexual desires. Yet again, noone is facing the real issues. Nobody wants to talk about the real issues of sexuality that are far more interesting, and far more challenging.
When are people going to be ready to talk?
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Angelina is ready. But then again, she has always been ready.
She has always been extremely honest about where she stands sexually, and I would be more than happy to stand precisely where she is, and not because I have a particular interest in her partner. He doesn’t actually do it for me.
According to the headline piece on a magazine I saw today, Angelina has told Brad that she is totally devoted to him but also wants other sexual partners. He, apparently, is devastated about this and cannot understand her desire for others. I suppose if I was fucking Angelina Jolie, I may not want to share her with others but I would like to think that I cared about her enough to want others to experience her seemingly insatiable sexual appetite and experience. More importantly, I hope I would show enough caring to want her to enjoy her sexuality, knowing that she still wanted to fuck me more than fucking other people. Difficult concept, I know but I do think Mr. Pitt should think about this more rationally.
She wants to fuck other people. She wants to make love and fuck him!
He is in a relationship with one of the sexiest women that is known to many and therefore labelled as one of the sexiest women on the planet. I don’t know whether Angelina is the sexiest woman on the planet or whether the goer at 69 Mapletree Gardens in Middle England suburbia really has that title. He shouldn’t try and tether that horse – I wonder if she is a fiery horse? I doubt it – no she is a Gemini, Air Rabbit! How tame!
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I have to stop now. These are just some collected thoughts.
It saddens me that we, including I, cannot have this sort of honesty about sexuality. I dream of a day when this country will start to think more rationally and in a more enlightened way about sex and attachment and love and sexuality, about fucking and use of words deemed too naughty to print. Another example was in the newspaper today. There were complaints of an advert showing a woman having an orgasm using a new female-inducing orgasm product from Durex.
I beg to ask the question, were they worried about the offensiveness of hearing a woman doing an impersonation of Meg Ryan at her most famous moment, or were they more appalled by people making assumptions that there was actually a real thing that is known as the female orgasm, and if there was such a thing as a female orgasm, do these creatures really have to scream and bellow like that?
How I want to howl with the overwhelming delight of being brought to that sensational, rising and eternally divine moment of complete unforgiving and abounding orgasm?
And no-one is going to shut me up when I want to scream with the joy of it.