Panties Galore

Panties galore

I am back to one of my favourite subjects – panties, thanks to an article in the Guardian newspaper this morning.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/mar/21/celebrity-pants

The thing that most interests me is the journalists opening sentence, “It’s the most embarrassing thing I have ever done”.
So what exactly is the most embarrassing thing Mr Hattenstone has ever done? It is to email, text and telephone a range of, in very inverted commas, “celebrities” to send him some of their panties through the post: all for a good cause in raising some funds for some asylum seekers and bringing attention to the fact that what these people often lack is ….….panties.

Good on him for having a noble cause. Good on him for doing something positive and raising awareness not only of the knickerless plight of these suffering people but also the fact that these people exist and that the day to day needs that we all take for granted are not available to these people. But why is it the most embarrassing thing he has ever done?

It is quite interesting to see who has responded and would be even more interesting to see who decided that they couldn’t part with their precious ones in the name of embarrassment or gross inhibitions.
Obviously, if Zenpuss was a celebrity, then she would happily part with a pair of her knickers for a good cause, and it did make me wonder which pair I would actually send. More of that later.

I am a little saddened that this exercise is seen to be embarrassing. Surely we have moved on from this. How does this man cope with walking through Marks and Sparks with all the scanty knicks in there? Does he and other people walk through such areas of shopping centres oblivious to the sexuality of these simple clothes? Am I the only person who equates a pretty pair of knickers to sexuality?
I am not suggesting that every time I go shopping for panties that sex is the first thing on my mind. There are often more practical issues like the fact that I need some new panties but I have to say that on specific occasions I have gone panty shopping with a very specific thought in mind; which panties are most likely to arouse my lover, which ones will he like to see me in, which ones will entice him into derobing me?

The point is that there should be nothing at all embarrassing about asking someone to part with their favourite panties, especially if it is for such a worthy cause.
Yet again, however, this embarrassment epitomises our societies concern about all things sexual, or is it deeper than that? Is it a concern about intimacy? Are panties just too personal to talk about? Are we, as a nation, frightened of intimacy? I think there is a very obvious answer to that one. Imagine a French journalist asking French celebrities to part with their favourite panties. I strongly suspect that even the president would be content with parting with his boxers. Or do you think Sarkozy is more of a thong man? And as for Carla, well I think Mrs S’s knicks would be extremely sexy, just like the woman herself.

Panties are intimate. They are sexy. They have to be by the very nature of the parts of the body in which they have direct contact. However, we shouldn’t shy away from this. We should embrace it. And in this particular case, the journalist should use this as a positive. He should be shouting out from the rafters that these celebrities are prepared to part with something so intimate as a pair of panties precisely because the cause is so worthwhile. By doing this, it would give the entire cause more gravitas.
Celebrate the intimacy. Do not shy away from it.

This reminds me of a story from my place of work.
Many years ago, a very famous person was visiting the place where I worked. For some inexplicable reason, one of my colleagues had forgotten to put on her panties. She was so engrossed in ensuring that she looked reasonable for this mega- person, that she simply got dressed and forgot the knickers. On arriving at her place of work, she decided to look around at the people gathered to see if she could somehow borrow a pair.
A group of people who lived within a stone’s throw from work were standing together. She decided to approach the most matronly one who she deemed would wear knickers similar to her tummy hugging ones.
She collected her nerve and asked. The matronly one was slightly taken aback but was glad to be asked and walked home to collect a pair of knickers.
She returned with the underwear wrapped in a plastic bag. My colleague then marched off to the toilet to put the knickers on.

Of course, they weren’t the figure hugging mamma knicks at all. As she withdrew the panties from the bag, she realised that the matronly one must have delved through her drawers to find the sexiest, possibly special occasion knickers. She clearly thought that my colleague wore a certain type of knickers and she clearly wanted my colleague to think that she wore a certain type of knickers.

For the rest of the day, my colleague had to walk around in some skimpy black and red laced knickers that she felt were far from practical. This, of course, was also accompanied by fits of giggles at the madness of the situation and to this day, she is concerned about what the matronly one thought of her by the very nature of returning to work with sexy ones rather than what she really wanted; big nixs!

So returning to the newspaper article, Simon Hattenstone has received a number of knickers from a variety of people. There is a whole essay in what was sent to him, and a sexual psychologist would probably have a field day analysing the knickers that were sent and more importantly the knickers that were not sent.

Did certain celebrities feel that they had to send either a sexy or unsexy pair to keep up appearances? Did some send some big knickers as tongue in cheek? Have they ever actually worn the knickers that they sent? Were there any remnants, despite a wash or two?

Katie Price was apparently so concerned that her sexy ones may be bought in auction by some sort of pervert that she has scribbled the cause on them. Katie, I have news for you. That probably won’t put anyone off buying them and using them for their own sexual gratification. Helen Mirren sent some very plain white knickers that were deeply unsexy and nothing like what I expected her to wear. Jarvis Cocker provided a grotesque pair of blue y-fronts, flying in the face of fashion. I wonder if he wears faded jeans?
Daniel Day Lewis is evidently a man who is au fait with his own sexuality, offering a cheeky delivery of cock and balls sketches on his.

As for me, as I am sure you are aware, I would be fine about sending any of my knickers but I think a certain amount of vanity might prevail in so far that I would send a lacy, sexy pair rather than any practical panties (not that I actually own that many practical panties!).
I think I would want to send a pair of knickers that truly reflected my personality, my sexuality. Knickers are very personal, and so in giving to such a cause, this should be reflected in the type of knickers that I send.

So Mr Hattenstone, here’s a tip. Congratulate yourself on an inspired way of raising funds for a decent cause but do not be embarrassed. Be very pleased that these celebrities are prepared to part with some intimate piece of clothing. Be grateful they have certainly not been inhibited by other peoples’ misconceptions and misgivings about such intimacies, and thank goodness that there are people out there who do not have hang-ups, who feel that they can share their most intimate belongings with a wider world.