Sleeping, Sex and Quickies

Sleeping, sex and quickies

The article in the Guardian magazine told the world something quite amazing. It stated that there was correlation between how a couple slept together and how intimate they were when they were awake. It stated that the closest couples were those who went to bed at the same time, even if one fell asleep before the other. It stated that a lack of sleep can be quite stressful and the cause of inflated problems because fatigue affects the frontal lobes meaning that self-control can go out of the window. It then stated that you should do something together just before going to bed, like watching something you both enjoy on television rather than talking about mundane chores. It finished with the surprising conclusion that if you really want a good night’s sleep you should have damn fine sex, preferably with an orgasm. Apparently, endorphins released during orgasm have sedative qualities and arousal releases opiate like effects ensuring a good soporific state.

Tell me something I didn’t know, on nearly all of these statements.
But I suppose it is always good to have your knowledge confirmed by the weightier and more serious newspapers. It is always good for such newspapers to remind the unenlightened world that these are the realities of life and that sex is rather good for you in so many different ways, which is why people should do it more often!

I, of course, struggle with all of these statements, mainly because I know them to be right, mainly because even though I know them to be correct, I don’t live my life in this way.

I think sometimes that my lover thinks I have a perverse fixation with sleeping with him. I adore falling asleep with his arms wrapped around me, letting my endorphins loose, giving me that natural high from the opiate-like microbes or whatever they are. Blimey, we have always known that there are natural highs in life and there is nothing more natural and nothing more perfect than the natural high that comes from sex.
I love the times when we have slept together, falling gracefully into slumber after the usual phenomenally good sex that we have. And we have woken in the middle of the night and still needed to make love. And I have also delighted in waking up in the morning and having yet more sex because the intimacy and closeness of the sex just keeps the appetite going and the desire increases with more sex. Sex breeds more sex breeds further desire for sex and so on.
There is no saturation point – back to drugs and natural highs!
Yes, I think I can safely admit that I am addicted to this type of sex. I have an insatiable appetite.
Is it any wonder that I want it to happen more frequently? Is there any abnormality or perversion in that?

Sleeping with someone who you care about and who you want to share a bed with is a divine experience. The proximity, familiarity, loveliness is awesome. It is priceless. It is irreplaceable. It is what I crave, yes crave! In saying this, it doesn’t mean that without it my relationship is incomplete. Far from it, and we can always imagine - when it is not possible to spend a night with one another.

The joy is that I know enough about sex to know that irrespective of whether we are spending a night together, we still have the endorphins, we still have the natural highs and we can still de-stress and fall into a divinely soporific state. It doesn’t have to be night-time for this to happen.
It’s just that, as this article points out, that would be a sensible state. That would probably be the natural way to live.
This is the ultimate stress buster!

And I know this because in my life, I break all these natural rules. I go to bed hours before my partner. We sleep at either end of the bed. We don’t watch television together. We don’t do these things.
We certainly don’t have sex.
I know the reader might say “Well do something about it” but life is not that simple. I’m not into comparisons but sometimes, it is difficult. It is so difficult.
I’m not going to write any more about this because I fear that I could be seen as the biggest hypocrite in the world for espousing this as a way of life and not managing to engage in it myself.
Needless to say, in different circumstances this would be exactly the way I would go to bed, night in night out.

One final comment, though I must add.
In this article it said it would be a good idea to go to bed together after watching something you both enjoy on television. Whilst I think this is a good idea, I also think that talking to one another is also something that I would advocate. You don’t need television. Talking, not about chores but just talking is good. And the other thing missing from this article is music.
Those words at the start of Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night” were not just conjured up on a whim!
Music and love, whatever that may be, go hand in hand. Before, during, after sex – music is life-giving, life-enhancing.
Use it wisely!
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Another magazine, another sex article – only this time it is advocating quickies.
It says that we shouldn’t dismiss the quickie as an insignificant sexual experience compared with the longer version with full-on foreplay. It says that a ten minute quickie instead of “45 minutes” is often more appealing to women. It goes on to say that the wonderful “new man” may be worried about giving his woman a quickie because it doesn’t really give her time to orgasm (Duh???) and is therefore somewhat selfish. Apparently, when talking about quickies, the majority of the women interviewed used words such as ‘energised’, ‘exhilarated’, ‘empowered’, ‘invigorated’.
“It provides more of a buzz, rather than that sleepy relaxed feeling of long sex” says one contributor. And then comes the comment from the specialist – the expert. “Even a 20 second hug raises your oxytocin (bonding hormone) levels”. So a quickie is fine.

Before I make comments on these, I have to mention one wonderful anecdotal fact in this article. It says that a recent Scottish study found that people who have sex every other day looked seven to 12 years younger than the less active!
So maybe the best birthday present one can give to their partner is sex every other day. I think this is a must. It has to be arranged. What greater gift can you give to one another, especially if there is concern that age is creeping up and up and up!

Right, let us return to this article.
One of the first things I would like to say is that it is once more positive to see articles about sex in a relatively up market magazine. People should be encouraged to get sex as often as possible, and should not dismiss the pleasantries of a quickie.
In contrast to this though, I sincerely hope there might be a day when people read these articles purely for affirmation of their behaviour rather than learning something new. I hope that information based articles should be redundant.
Whilst I am about to scrutinise and challenge some of the comments and do exactly what I am about to complain about, I have to say something.
Is it really necessary to compartmentalise sex in this way? Quickies, long love-making, oral sex, DIY – we order, analyse, circumnavigate sex too often. It goes back to a statement I have made time and time again. In this country we are so preoccupied with sex that we don’t actually get round to doing it, naturally, as it comes, as it feels right in the moment. We pretend that we are enlightened about sex but the very fact that we need such articles suggests that we are hardly using this wealth of knowledge in our daily sexual lives. I think there is a huge danger than people feel they are sexually enlightened because they read such articles without blushing. Now get them to read the article with their partner. Different story, I think. Now get them to do some of the things suggested in the articles – and it is time for sleep and crawling under the duvet, away from aforementioned partner. Or am I being too harsh?

Anyway, as promised, let’s get back to the article.
I actually think it is a good idea to suggest people have quickies whenever they can. Quick sex is brilliantly horny. Recently, I had very little time with my lover and he suggested frigging me till I came on the kitchen floor. At first I was disappointed that we didn’t have longer, then I realised that in procrastinating, we had actually run out of time, so a very small finger fuck was all there was time for, and I had to hold back from cumming because there wasn’t enough time!
The point is that if the time is right for sex you should just get on with it because that is the right thing to do.

Of course, I am going to have to take exception to this idea that women cannot cum quickly. To be fair, even the article says that this is bollocks. “Women do not take longer to get aroused than men; they simply get too little and the wrong kind of stimulation” says the co-authors Marcia and Lisa Douglass in their book, “Are We Having Fun Yet: The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Sex”.
And herein lies the issue. People do not use all of their intelligences to get aroused.
By the time my lover has got his fingers or his cock or his tongue into my cunt, I’m already there, quickie or no quickie, because he fucks my mind as competently as he fucks my body. He has stimulated me, and I have enabled him to stimulate me with his kisses or the urgency in his eyes. There have been times when I have thought about sex so much on my journey to his house that I am completely aroused before he opens the door, such is my anticipation and imaginative foreplay, so that as soon as he touches me, I am aware that one millimetre of a move will bring on a cascade.
Essentially, I use my mind as well as my body and then I remember and embrace the spiritual wonderment of sex and all of this BEFORE any bodily contact has taken place.
Please listen to this folks. This is so damn important.
Women can get aroused but don’t leave it all down to your partner twiddling and fiddling with your sexual organs. DO something about it for yourself with your thoughts and your feelings, even if you cannot contemplate giving yourself a finger fuck to get things going.

The other thing that I want to mention is this timing issue. A quickie could be three minutes if you want it. There are some people who will read this article and think that ten minutes is a long session not a quickie, and will be quite demoralised. Poor them is what I say because on reading this article, I was feeling somewhat smug. The reason for this smugness was the fact that they suggested that 45 minutes was a long love-making session.
Pah! That’s sort of medium. I am such a bloody, lucky girl. Over an hour is not unusual. Two hours on and off has not been unheard of. Going back to the Guardian article, prolonged sex interspersed with sleeping is not unheard of; perpetual non-stop sex through the night is going to happen and soon! Promise!

I don’t want people to feel horribly envious of me and I am only saying this to remind people that if they want hour or hour’s long sex, then they should strive for it, for it is attainable.
Again, I am not suggesting that I have cock inside me for an entire, uninterrupted two hours, but who the hell said penetrative sex was the be all and end all of sex?
Give me a good finger fuck; shove even more than one or two fingers up my fanny, and replace them with a hard cock, and I can guarantee I’ll be happy. Lick my cunt and take my copious cum in your mouth and I promise I won’t want to stop there. Lie down and relax for a while whilst grabbing a handful of my tit, gently tweaking my erect nipples – it’s still sex and as soon as I am ready for more, I will spread my legs or take your hand and forcefully direct it to do some more work. It’s all sex!

‘Energised’, ‘exhilarated’, ‘empowered’, ‘invigorated’ – these are all words that everyone should be using about sex whether it lasts for three, five, ten, twenty, eighty or two hundred minutes. These are the feelings that come from good sex, and it is the goodness of the sex rather than the amount of time which is the really important thing, the thing that we should be advocating above and beyond anything else.

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And just to prove the point, I’m going to have to have a quickie now – a quick wank because whilst I was writing this penultimate paragraph, I had a huge flashback to the incredible sex I had last week and a rush of adrenelin and hormonal rushes at the thought of having that again.