The Improtance of Post-Coital

As any regular reader will know, I am passionate about sex. I am equally passionate for women to know that there is so much more that they could get from sexual relationships. I am particularly passionate about ensuring those areas of sexuality that seem to be misconstrued or under-reported are given some credence and understanding, for example the female orgasm and female ejaculation.

Whilst considering what I wanted to write about I realised that there is another part of sex that is frequently underplayed and not commented on. Some might say it is not a massively important part of sex. Some might not actually do anything about it. Some might not consider it worthy of any particular commentary. Personally, I think that if you get this right, then it can have a fundamental impact on your relationship.

In an episode of “Friends” many years ago, one of the characters was explaining how he overcame the problem of sleeping with a lover who desperately wanted to be cuddled all night. He reckoned he had perfected this system of enabling his woman to snuggle up to him and as soon as she was in the first throes of slumber he would roll her over well away from him so that he could get a decent night’s sleep.
At the time, I remember watching this with my own circle of friends and we laughed at the reality of this scene. It resonated with us and we all agreed that whilst a post-coital cuddle was important and sensual, it really was more important and realistic to say something along the lines of “Delightful love-making darling, now can we please get well away from one another so that we can sleep”.

Oh how times have changed, or maybe I wasn’t being completely honest at the time or maybe it was about who I was sleeping with at the time. One way or another, the importance of post-coital time was more or less lost on me. Now things are different.

Post-coital time does not get enough mention. It is largely ignored because once the penetration and orgasms have taken place, then there doesn’t seem to be anything else that is as vital.
Or so it seems if you look around the internet.
If you google “post coital” you get a range of issues: post-coital depression (tristesse), post-coital bleeding, post-coital pain, post-coital headaches. Not exactly a hub of enthusiasm and excitement. It then goes on to post-coital contraception, post-coital fertility tests and finishes with an article on post-coital cigarettes.

Well, I think there needs to be a redress brought in here, and I am hoping that I am going to contribute to this rebalancing act.

Let’s face facts, there is nothing more amazing than an orgasm brought about by penetrative sex. I cannot think of a single thing that could ever give me more excitement, satisfaction, peace and sensuality in the world. It is the pinnacle of all. It is the combination of a completeness with oneself and another. It is that glorious amalgamation of mind, body and soul where each component is impossible to separate from the other.
Oneness, wholeness; utter perfection.

If we accept that this is the perfect point in our lives then why would we not wish to do something to prolong that magical, sensational moment? Why would we not consider the importance of spending time to absorb the incredibly positive effects of our orgasms and share this feeling with our lover?
It is somewhat mindboggling that people do not consider their actions after sex more carefully.

I adore post-coital time. I loathe it when I have to cut short that quality time of togetherness after making love or even having a quick fuck.
There is the initial exhaustion, lucky girl that I am. There is the suddenness of the moment when you have a realisation of complete fulfilment and then there is the sharing of those individual feelings in coming together.

My favourite post coital pose is to flop down in bewildered stupor at the brilliance of my life, shortly followed by being gathered into my lover’s arms and falling into a fairly deep sleep. Alternatively, I wrap myself around him and fall asleep in the nape of his neck.
Even if no sleeping is taking place there is a calm time of reflection or simply emptying one’s mind of anything and everything, once more prolonging that sensual moment of Satori.

I adore feeling the warmth of my lover’s body around me. I adore the fact that he makes me feel so appreciated by holding on to my breasts as he falls asleep. This is quite important. By cupping my boobs post-coital, it is as though he is reiterating the fact that whilst my tits play an important role in my sexuality and the sex that we have, they are just a part of me and it is the “me” bit that he appreciates as much as the “sexual me” bit. He doesn’t have to squeeze them or arouse me via my nipples. He just has to cup them and I can feel an ongoing satisfaction.

Likewise, there are times when he might wrap himself around me and gently place his hand over my pubic hair, so that when he awakes from a real sleep or moments of calm, he has his hand in place to assure himself that I am still there and still feeling sexy, and I am assured that he likes the feel of me, and my cunt, other than to dive straight into it.

Of course, the other issue about post-coital is that if you are a hungry person, there is never only one post-coital. The first post-coital is merely a breathing space because there is more to come; more orgasms, more finger fucking, more penetration.

Feeling together and connected after sex is actually quite important to me, which is why I feel quite devastated when I have to rush away sometimes. That post-coital time is vital in bringing one another together and sharing the feelings of Satori even if such words are not spoken. That sort of oneness can bring real growth, warmth and sustainability to a relationship. Without considering time spent post-coital, I think there is a possibility that you are doing a disservice to yourself, your partner and the value and longevity of a relationship.

It therefore came as a surprise but not a shock to find that there is a term for post-coital depression.
Post-coital tristesse is literally translated as “after sex sadness”. There is a suggestion that some people feel depressed, sad or even guilt after having sex. There is also a suggestion that those who suffer from post-coital tristesse are probably having damn good sex.
There is a suggestion that multiple orgasms can increase the incidents of post-coital tristesse and that if you want to eradicate post-coital blues, one might have to forego the orgasms.

There are times during and after sex when I have an overwhelming need or desire to cry. It is inexplicable other than the perfectly obvious answer of being overwhelmed by the experience, the love and the physical/sexual fulfilment. The fact that this is not ignored, that it is positively embraced as a right and proper reaction to something so vital and life-giving means that the moment passes, is managed and is not seem as something abnormal. The wholeness of being held during the post-coital time helps enormously in ensuring that I do not suffer unnecessarily from post-coital tristesse. That is yet another reason why people should be mindful of the importance of post-coital activities. I am convinced that I am more likely to feel bereft if I have not had these intimate moments immediately after sex.
Forego orgasms? Sod that! Work on the post-coital togetherness? Definitely seems to me to be the perfect solution to this alleged problem.

This is a short post as I need to get dressed and get some pre and post coital time of my own.
It is a subject that I will probably return to but I urge readers to give some quality time to thinking about this important quality time.
Sex has never been nor ever should be seen as the mere act of penetration. After-sex is as important as the build up in developing confidence, affection and consideration of one’s partner.
If you are going to take sex and sexual relationships seriously, you should certainly consider every aspect of sex and looking at post-coital behaviour is simply part of ensuring a quality of life and love that suits all.