Older Women, NOT Cougars

So the conversation goes, “Women after a certain age are not interested in sex”. It gets worse. “Women probably live longer because they do not have sex after a certain age.

My response: if women after a certain age do not have sex then I am not sure that I ever want to be that certain age. Then again, by the time I reach it may be, and this is definitely a maybe, my libido might finally have retired to an allegedly appropriate position and not be screaming at me in the logical way in which it does in my current decade.

But it is an interesting thought. Why is that so many women after a certain age feel that they are not obliged to have sex or it is in some way unseemly to have a desire for sex? Why is this deemed to be such a tremendously embarrassing subject? Why would anyone consider it appropriate to have some sort of age barrier for sex at that end of chronology and life span?

And where do we draw the line? It is still appropriate to be sexually horny and virile when you are in your thirties. In fact, many would say that it is only in this decade of life that women come into their own sexually. It is fine to continue to be libidinous when you are in your forties, probably because most people are under the misconception that this is the last decade when a woman can be frivolous and exciting with their bodies. When a woman is in their fifties, is that too old to have sex? Have they gone off the idea and actually want a more sensual experience rather than full-on rampant excitement? Are younger readers now horrified at the thought of a 56 year old woman going at it hammer and tongue (oooh, yes please!)?

And what of women in the sixties, seventies and even eighties? What exactly is that magic number when it is not appropriate any longer for women to desire sex and have fairly damn fine sex? When does that happen?

The answer of course, like many issues associated with sex and other things, is that it is entirely up to the individuals involved. However, it is really important that we should not get into a situation where those who are still sexually active and have a fully operational and stimulating sexual experience in the later years of life are seen as some sort of freak or even worse, if that is possible.

I fully intend to be as sexual as possible for as long as possible, for as long as someone finds me attractive. If I am still attractive in my mid-seventies and some bloke happens to still want to, and is capable of dipping his wick inside my still very needy pussy, then I would only be too happy to accommodate, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Google “sex and the older women” and automatically, the first suggestion of a page is helpful tips. There is nothing positive to report here. It talks about dealing with erectile dysfunction and the importance of lubricants; hardly the biggest turn on in the history of mankind is it?

http://longevity.about.com/od/healthyagingandlongevity/tp/sex_tips_women.htm

Here is an example of some of the advice that is given on this page.

Try different positions: “Pain caused by arthritis or other condition can interfere with sex. Experiment with different positions”. It goes on to suggest that there are certain times of day when ailments are at their worst. So perhaps it might be better to have sex in the middle of the day rather than last thing at night.

Sensible advice I am sure but my point is that it is all assuming a stance of negativity. Where is the acknowledgement that women of a certain age, and I think we are talking post mid fifties here, still have a libido?

I return to my Google journey and get somewhat cautiously excited when the next page is discussing  older women and pornography, and sure enough there is a selection of older women and their pussies for all to see.

Some reader will already be thinking that this is an inappropriate site. We have moved on from MILFs and are possibly looking at GILFs. But I am politely informed that GILFs are equally as attractive as MILFs. And quite right too. Just because you have matured from mother to grandmother should not mean that you automatically become asexual at the first sight of your offspring’s offspring.

The next page on the Google search filled me with even more optimism. This is an article on sex and the older woman: “Why older women have higher sex drive”, but guess what, we are talking about the older woman being 45 years of age!

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2007422,00.html

Admittedly, this article is not a bad one in so far that it explains a piece of research that has been carried out suggesting precisely what many of us already know, i.e. that between the ages of 27 and 45, woman are probably at their natural peak sexually, are more likely to have intensely erotic fantasies and are more willing to have one-night stands than their younger counterparts.

But look at the title of this piece once more. “Older Women!”

Well, I know that I am not necessarily in the prime of my life but at the grand old age of 45, I hardly think that I am old. Yes, I might be old in comparison with some. I might not have the freshest skin or the most perfect of bodies but I am certainly not old.

But then again, I don’t actually see my friends who are in their fifties and sixties as ‘old’ as such either. They are older, but not old, as surely being old is something very much in the mind of the person who thinks they are either young or old.

This article, therefore, is not about older women at all, and it certainly does nothing to further the idea that women over 45 have a right and a possibility of a decent sex life.

On the contrary, it suggests that exactly as I stated earlier, that women in their forties are likely to be more libidinous because it is their last sexual stand. Women in their forties are feeling so gorgeously sexual because, in the main, they are not yet into the full flush of menopause, please excuse the pun, so they are just having their final fling before everything dries up and they become washed out and ill-advised to partake in strenuous sex in case their arthritic bones go into a steeper decline than they clearly already are.

And so the Google search continues.

As soon as you mention older women enjoying sex, the most frequent word then used is “cougar”;

older women wanting to fuck younger men seems now to be the only way for women of a certain age.

But I am not talking about this. What I am talking about is older women wanting to fuck older men, or not even older men than themselves but men who are old like them.

Where is the evidence that this is not appropriate? Where is the evidence that these people in their fifties and sixties no longer have a desire for one another or for sex? Why is it so distasteful to consider that older people like to have sex?

Recently there was a sex education programme on television for young people. In an auditorium full of teenage testosterone and oestrogen, there were some people undressed on a stage. These people were of all age and all shapes and size. The oldest was in their 70s. If my memory serves me correctly, the young people were asked to consider how often these people had sex. There was astonishment and a certain amount of revulsion that the couple in their seventies had as much if not more sex than those who were a decade or so younger.

The two people involved were not some rampant hippies of a bohemian nature. They were just two people, average people, people who were ‘normal’ – whatever that phrase actually means.

But once more, we adopt this strange and inappropriate response to sex. We have assumptions and even thoughts thrust upon us by an uninformed society, giving us hopeless and irrational expectations of a natural demise in sexuality once we have gained a certain age.

Before everyone switches off completely, I am not so stupid as to dismiss certain biological issues here. Of course there may well be a reduction in libido after the menopause. Of course a man’s testosterone level may reduce with increasing years but neither of these facts mean that there automatically means there has to be a reduction in sexual activity. All it means is that there might be a change in sexual activity.

As the website suggests, perhaps those who are still sexually inclined could consider other forms of expressing their sexuality. Perhaps penetrative sex might not be as stimulating as it once was but there is nothing wrong with a healthy dose of mutual masturbation, or perhaps a few sex toys to liven things up. Perhaps older people might like to look at pornography together and enjoy their sexuality through the sexuality of others. Or alternatively, perhaps all they want is just decent, regular penetrative sex because guess what, people over a certain age are perfectly capable of getting a stiffie (and a prolonged one at that) and are perfectly capable of moistening up and emitting a delightfully watery orgasm from their aroused pussy.

This is fact not fiction, not made up. This is real.

Once more, we have to move on from these strange assumptions that are instilled in our minds.

Women are still interested in sex after a certain age just as men are. Women do not fall apart at the seams as soon as they have come through the menopause. They still have feelings, they still have libidos and even if they are not quite the same as the libido of a 45 year old, they are still very present.

My older friends and my friend who made such an announcement are still perfectly capable of having orgasms. She may not necessarily get the stimulation that she requires on a regular basis but she is perfectly capable of being sexual, as she full well knows but probably did not want to admit it in company, more’s the pity.

She is a woman who may not appear to be a particularly sexual person but from time to time, she knows that this is what she wants and needs and even if she only gets an opportunity to display and acknowledge her sexuality a couple of times a year, it does not mean that she is suddenly not a sexual person.

As for the statement about women living longer because they renege on their sexuality, well, I don’t know whether that is true or not, but as I said, I am not sure I want to be living too many years without sex once I come to the end of my life. It is not to say that sex is an absolute to continued living, and I think there is something very important to say about sensuality, about the importance of human touch and togetherness that is just as important as the act of sex, but clearly sex can be as important in later years as it is with younger generations.

I have often discussed the fact that sex and sexuality is often seen as a man’s domain. I have also said that I think that some of the women within the feminist movement got it very wrong when they decided that they would somehow sign up to this flawed way of thinking.
In some situations, it is the very same women who now will not embrace sexuality in the prime of their lives, who think that being sexual is in some way automatically reiterating the role of the woman as subservient, that are now going along with this notion that the 50 and 60  and 70 year old woman should not really be participating in sex after a certain age.

I would argue that perhaps now is exactly the time to really stand up for their right and once more have an opportunity to quash misconceptions and embrace sexuality late in life so that future generations realise that it is perfectly appropriate for a woman to want to be as sexually active as a man late into their lives.

And as the advice on the help page suggests, remember that women tend to outlive men, so if you are in a monogamous relationship and your man pops his clogs before you, and if you do not want to have another man in your life, then perhaps it might be advisable to start practicing a little bit of masturbation now.
This is seriously not being flippant. Women of all ages should know their bodies and they are never too old to start the exploration, irrespective of having a partner or not.

I sincerely hope that my friends in their fifties and sixties, irrespective of their relationship status are taking time to get to know their own bodies and fingering themselves or rubbing themselves, even if they don’t want to go as far as investing in a sex toy.

In fact, I think, as I have also mentioned in this blog before, perhaps I ought to open up a sex therapy consultancy whereby women of all ages can get to know their bodies, for I suspect that there are still many women who still have no idea what their pussies look like and are therefore not willing to consider themselves as the fully sexual people that they are.

And finally, as a woman who is happy to look at and touch other women’s bodies, I for one, am certainly not put off by the age of another woman. When I look at a woman who is older than myself, I do not think they are less beautiful or attractive for their age or for the state of their bodies. A woman continues to be attractive in the same way that a man does. It is all within the eye of the beholder.

I would happily fuck an older woman in exactly the same way that I am happy to fuck an older man if I am attracted to them and aroused by them.

Let’s  stop being silly about age. Let us certainly stop women of a certain age thinking that their sexual lives are over. Let’s stop them thinking that having no sex is a positive thing that could prolong their lives. Let us start reaching out to more and more people, young and old, to finally, once and for all, accept the vitality of sexuality in all of our lives.

And here endeth the lesson for today