Before I launch into my commentary about “Fifty Shades” I
would like to congratulate the author, EL James, on her incredible success.
Anyone who manages to write a book with the sort of sales that this trilogy has
achieved should be congratulated. Anyone who bothers to write about sexuality
and get people to question their stance on sexuality, porn and erotica deserves
a pat on the back.
However, and it really is a big ‘however’, there are
problems. And they are big.
Having read the trilogy, I feel as though I could write a
trilogy of comments in separate essays, which is what I may end up doing.
For all the positives of exploration of sexuality for the
reader, there are problems with this book for me. Bullet pointing them does not
mean the list is exhaustive. I may return at a later date to add more.
So,
·
There isn’t a single mention of female
ejaculation
·
“And they all lived happily ever after”
·
“Dirty fuckery” is not erotica
·
The main character cums the first time she has
sex and every time after, without any notion of an increase in her sexual
enjoyment
·
BDSM is not the height of erotic sex
·
Dominant/submissive relationships are scary,
dangerous and abusive; not something that the readers should aspire to!
·
There isn’t a single alternative word used for
the vagina other than the phrase “my sex”
·
The language of climax is basic and
unenlightened
·
Oh, and I repeat, there isn’t a single mention
of female ejaculation
As I said, the list isn’t exhaustive, and I will return
with more, and these bullet points are only commenting on the sexual content.
The storyline is weak and predictable, the characters are deeply, deeply flawed
and the repetitive nature of the descriptions of sexual climaxes are extremely
off-putting.
Having said all that, I managed to get a few wanks out of
reading, so it can’t have been that bad!
We are still incredibly fucked up about our attitude to
sex. Even the most enlightened amongst us still grapple with the various
complexities and contradictions, especially when it comes to the sometimes thin
line between female empowerment through sex and the objectification of women.
It is a complex issue and shouldn’t be taken lightly.
However, without the efforts of people like EL James we are never going to get
the opportunity to discuss these issues and really consider our views on sexual
matters.
The very fact that this book has sold so many copies both
as published books and e-books shows that there is a market out there. The very
fact that so many copies of the book have been bought by kindle readers also
shows that many of us still want to hide away our secret interest in sex (and I
realise that part of the increase in e-book sales is also down to the increase
in usage of this method of reading).
I’m terribly excited by the whole phenomenon of a world
finally putting their hands up in the air and saying, “Do you know what, I am
interested in sex, and I like kinky stuff and I love that feeling between my
legs when I am coming towards an orgasm, turned on by having a sexual encounter
written down in front of me”.
All of this is great but is this “Fifty Shades” sex what
people really want? Has it fully embraced the brilliance of female sexuality?
Is it really erotic?
Sexual writing is difficult. I know because I have tried,
and the danger of cliché is huge. (Ooh er geddit!) The problem really lies in
the interpretation as much as in the writing. The author can describe a
brilliant sexual experience that could be incredibly arousing for him or her
but is devoid of sexuality for the reader. Sex is an incredibly personal thing,
for all its sharing, and one person’s erotica is another person’s tedium. Every
book has a reader at the end of it, and each reader is an individual. What
works for one person doesn’t work for another, and therefore to write erotic
prose that ‘does it’ for the majority is exceptionally difficult.
We also need to determine what we mean by Erotica.
For me, the whole point of erotica is the build-up. It is
the enticement, the imagery, the imagination. For me, a photo of an incredibly
beautiful woman, with the hint of sexual pleasure about to take place, is
incredibly erotic. You may not even need to see her pussy or her tits. A hand
carefully placed over her breasts or a mere pleating of a skirt within her
fingers, inching the material up her thigh, is enough. It is my mind that
creates the next step - without a massive description, and that is the most
arousing. Whilst I was reading “Fifty Shades” with the help of a dildo, it was
the pre-sex that was far more stimulating than the actual description of what
took place with his “erection” and her “sex”.
The next issue I want to tackle is the whole BDSM as the ultimate
sexual experience. Ever since Michael Hutchins died with a sexual act gone
wrong, and others since, I get the impression that people assume that this is
the only way to get a mind-blowing orgasm that cannot be experienced any other
way.
Here’s the issue. Sex is a physical act but it is also
all in the mind!
I really don’t think I need an orange stuffed in my mouth
and my wrists tied together by my leather-bound lover in order to reach the
incredible state of Satori that I already have experienced. NO amount of “kinky
fuckery” is going to increase that heightened level of a natural high for me. I’ve
had it, I’ve done it. I want it again, and again, and again.
It may be alluring. It may be exciting. I may get
extremely turned on when I am tied up, restrained, blindfolded and yes, it is
an exciting and erotic thought, but I cannot believe that this would give me a
bigger orgasm than the one I get when I look into the eyes of a lover who is stimulating
me beyond reason, getting the most incredible satisfaction from being inside me
and sharing a climax together, simultaneously – and for me over and over again.
I know that I can get an orgasm from the kinky stuff, and
they are good orgasms at that. But in all honesty, the very best sex is mind,
body and soul, and nothing else comes near it.
The other issue about BDSM is the abuse.
Confession time……..
I like having a spank on my backside when I am clamouring
on top of my lover, riding his cock to the greatest pleasure for both of us. I
am hugely turned on by that. In fact, I can feel a glorious stirring as I
write. But I am certainly not turned on by the idea of being physically
attacked, abused or hurt, and the notion that within that spank, my lover wants
to hurt me, is intolerable.
He doesn’t hit my arse because he gets some deviant
pleasure from hurting me. It is all about stimulation and extending the sexual
experience. It is not about being the dominant one, breaking his woman in
etcetera.
Confession time ……………
I like playing the dominatrix occasionally, but never in
an abusive way. I like demanding sex. I like telling my lover what I want and
where I want it. I like to have his movement restricted with tied back hands so
that I can get my jaw round his cock, when he is unable to move me away (not
that he’d want to). That is exciting but I don’t want to whip him, I don’t want
to hurt him. It’s just not the way I want it, and that is not to say that I don’t
like a bit of rampant and urgent sex.
I like being fucked at the kitchen sink but I also like
being fucked next to a coal fire, all naked and together, and I love being
fucked in bed.
Sex is individual, and what works for some, doesn’t work
for others. BDSM can be fun for some but it can also feel incredibly abusive as
well, and it may well bring a hugely arousing and tantalising climax but such
an orgasm will not be any better than a real Satori moment. I promise.
As I don’t want this essay to be too long, I will
conclude with my biggest concern about the book.
Due to its extensive readership, this book could be seen
as the ultimate sexual description. It may be some people’s first and even only
description of what mind-blowing sex is like.
My problem is that it doesn’t include some hugely
significant issues about female sexuality that manifests itself in the fact
that there is not one single mention of female ejaculation.
If this woman is so damn turned on all the time, and if
she is permanently moist, if she is getting her fair share of vaginal as well
as clitoral orgasms, how come she has never dripped a droplet of juice out of
her “sex” let alone had a massive gush?
Christian Grey, my boy, perhaps you’re not the great stud
of a lover you think you are!
When I orgasm, I gush. Not all of the time but in
honesty, very frequently, especially from a vaginal stimulation. What I am
gushing out of my body is not piss. (See previous blogs on the subject).
This omission of acknowledgement of a woman’s ability to
ejaculate from what is appearing to be a seminal book on sexuality, due to its
popularity, is a serious issue for me.
Women cum, and they cum in all manner of ways, but
please, please believe me, women gush. They are not just wet. They can explode
if the stimulation and arousal is right. Women can even make themselves gush if
they practice enough and learn about their own bodies.
And I love to gush which is why I feel so passionately
about this.
At one point in the book, I forget which one, Christian
tells Anastasia not to go to the toilet before they have sex. Why, she ponders?
Eventually he tells her that her orgasm will be
intensified by having a full bladder!
Aaarrggghh!
Once more, we have a situation where there is absolutely
no understanding of female sexuality. It isn’t a full bladder that makes an
orgasm. It’s a full something but whatever splurges out of my pussy when I
ejaculate has nothing to do with my bladder.
How do I know?
Well quite frankly, I’ve had sex on a full bladder and I
still cum, and then release the urine afterwards. The orgasm is good, but it is
nowhere near as good as emptying my bladder immediately before sex so I KNOW
that there is no surplus in me, and I still emit the most incredible amount of
built-up fluids and have THE most sensational orgasm.
I know!
When is someone going to write a definitive book about
female ejaculation so that we stop shying away from the fact that it happens
and the fact that we need to empower women to do what their bodies are
naturally begging them to do?
I cringe with disappointment that the world cannot see
this vital component of female sexuality and I am determined to put this right.
As it happens, water sports are my little fad. I love all
things gushable from both male and female bodies. It is my “BDSM” but it is
only a part of what sex is about.
Again, in the book when Christian said he needed to get a towel for Anastasia, I suddenly perked up. Finally, in the middle of Book Three they were going to get round to soaking a towel with her ejaculation.
Again, in the book when Christian said he needed to get a towel for Anastasia, I suddenly perked up. Finally, in the middle of Book Three they were going to get round to soaking a towel with her ejaculation.
Alas, I remained dissatisfied and the readers with no
experience of such things remained in a virginal state about pussy explosions.
All he wanted the towel for was to protect the hotel
furniture from the sensual oils he was covering his wife’s body with.
Disappointment is an understatement!
There were also a couple of comments within the book
about peeing. Neither character would pee in front of one another, despite the
fact that the fuck one another three or four times a day, despite spunking in
mouths, despite a good amount of cunnilingus, despite doing unthinkable things
with cuffs and blindfolds. The level of intimacy is immense. So what the hell
is the problem with piss?
If people were more okay with seeing their partner piss
then perhaps they would be more accepting of the non-piss that happens with
female sexuality. Just a theory of mine, which is why I mention it.
So many people think that female ejaculation is urine. It
isn’t, but even if it was, ensuring that there is no squeamishness about peeing
could certainly alleviate concerns for women if they drip the juice, so to
speak, during intercourse.
I am sure that EL James didn’t have any idea that her
book was going to be as popular as it has turned out to be, and therefore her
omissions are slightly excusable. But let’s not stop here.
The floodgates are open, if you excuse the pun. We cannot
have this oversight. There needs another “Fifty Shades” without the
forgetfulness of female ejaculation.
Keyboard to the ready!
More on Fifty Shades later, perhaps…………..
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