It’s time to come out. It’s time to stand up and be counted. Sex is an important part of life and therefore those who are actively engaged in sexual relationships of any sort that their family and friends are not aware of should come out. If they don’t, the myths about sex and relationships will be perpetuated for another generation, and possibly the next one after that.
So come on, let’s come out. Let’s tell the world.
Are
you prepared to dispel the myths and tell
your friends and families about your sexual delights?
What are these myths, I hear you say? You know – the ones about homosexuality being a sin or an abomination and the one about monogamy being the pinnacle of human experience. Or how about the one where women do not ejaculate during sex or that there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm?
There is myth after myth about sex; often perpetuated because people are not brave enough to come out and contradict such idiotic statements due to their particular circumstances.
There was a recent survey done whereby it was reported that only 3% of gay men have anal sex. If that is the case, then I think I know all 3% of them because I am pretty confident that all the gay blokes I know are having it up the jacksie. Maybe those that took part in the survey didn’t want to admit to it. Maybe they shied away from the fact that this is what turned them on because they know that some people still find it abhorrent.
As for those people who find gay sex abhorrent, some of them probably sit there night after night watching a horny porn star taking it up the bum, only they can’t come out either because you’re not supposed to watch porn and if you do, you certainly cannot admit it.
Quite frankly, we are retarded when it comes to talking about sex, thinking about sex and admitting to the world that sex is a vital ingredient in our sanity. Our relationship with sex and sexuality actually damages rather than enhances our relationships, in some instances and often it is down to honesty or dishonesty.
A man will never admit to his partner that he has secretly being watching porn. He’ll never ask her if she wouldn’t mind him fingering her in a different way or different place because he doesn’t want to admit where he has learned these things. After all, it hasn’t been instinctual behaviour for the past twenty years.
A woman will not admit that she gets turned on by little toys that gyrate around her pussy because she thinks that it will upset her partner with his ineffectual love-making.
And these are just two small examples of the deception about sex and sexuality that must happen on a daily basis up and down the breadth of the country that are equal in weight to the lies that some tell to hide the fact that they are sexually active with another.
Now I know that last statement may appear self-justifying but before anyone accuses me of hypocrisy, I’ll stand up immediately and take it on the chin. I am a hypocrite because I manage to do both of the above.
I know that some would say that the latter lie of infidelity far outweighs the former two but have a think about it. Are they that different? They’re still big, fat lies that continue to perpetuate the idea that nobody is interested in sex and that nobody wants to have sex different to the sex that they are actually getting, if indeed they are getting any.
A friend of mine sat with me in a swimming pool a few months before I got married for the first time, and said to me, “You do know that the sex dries up once you get married, don’t you?” I responded to say that the sex was already pretty dry and rather on the infrequent side of town. She went on to say that every assumes that the world is fucking like bunnies but in actual fact, the majority of people were having sex extremely rarely; often less than once a month.
At the time, I felt a huge wave of relief. I wasn’t abnormal! Here was a woman who had had plenty of extra-marital affairs and she was “coming out” as being pretty indifferent to sex. It all settled down and it was perfectly normal to have a “healthy” disinterest in sex. I was vindicated!
However, this was only one side of the story. There were others who really
were fucking like bunnies and more importantly, they were actually enjoying it, and they were enjoying it with people other than their main partner, and they were enjoying the liberty of uninhibited sex with multiple orgasms and experimental behaviour.
But they were in a minority.
Or were they? Which comes to the reason for this piece.
Surely, it is up to those who do have healthy sex lives to “come out” and tell the world what they are up to, and how it affects their lives in a delightfully positive way. Isn’t this as important as the need to protect people who may dislike or be hurt by such declarations? Sometimes, there has to be victims, and the victims do not have to be victims if they look at the whole exposure of sexuality in a different, more logical and non-attached way.
Such declarations could be the key to liberty for all humankind – greater love hath no man etcetera.
Of course, it isn’t as easy as all of that, and if it was, quite frankly, I wouldn’t be sitting writing this piece in the place where I am. I would possibly be elsewhere, not writing at all actually because at this time in the morning, I would hope to have a cock up my cunt enjoying the morning horn to the greatest of its glory.
The point is that I am most concerned that by
not telling the truth about our sexuality we are essentially passing on all the myths to another generation. We pretend that sex is not important. We shield ourselves from the grim reality that people find other people attractive even when they are in a committed relationship, and in doing this, we set another generation up for failure.
And look at that statement once more. The “grim reality” shouldn’t
be grim reality. It should just be a reality that people know and accept when they go into a relationship; i.e. that entering into a relationship with another does not mean they have to wrench their eyes out of their head or place a chastity belt around their bits because in all honesty, chastity belts are rather bulky things to have about the place.
On that point, there was an article in the Sunday Observer newspaper magazine about Wags and their naughty footballers who keep playing the field in more ways than one. The writer was suggesting that there was something rather odd in the women accepting that their men might play away with the only real concern that they are playing away safely, i.e. covering their cocks with condoms as they dive into the most available high-costing prostitute.
The writer suggested that we “hear not of the wives’ disbelief at the betrayal but of their practical questions about the likelihood of a sexually transmitted disease....... men will cheat, these women have learned. They will have affairs – which is worse in one way, because it means they like someone else; and they will pay prostitutes – which is worse in another way, because it shows they’re able to see women as commodities....... but if it’s not too much trouble, the wives would be awfully glad if they’d remember to use a little bit of contraception. If they’ve got a sec”.
Okay, here is the point and I suspect the truth.
The sad reality is that I do not think Abbey Clancy and her fellow sufferers have been told about the possibility that Mr. Crouch and others are going to play away. I sadly think that these poor girls, who probably don’t really understand the law of probability, think that their man is going to be different. They genuinely believe that they have what others do not have and therefore their men are unlikely to stray. Because they are so reliant on the horrendous and disgraceful amounts of money that their men can earn, they are willing to accept any sort of misbehaviour. It’s only the ones who are financially independent who can kick their boys in the balls – like Cheryl Cole/Tweedy for instance.
These women are hurt by the perpetuated myths surrounding sex. They get upset because their men stray.
If they knew from the outset that this was not just likely but was definitely going to happen, then wouldn’t life be easier for them? If their man stated that they would probably be a life partner but they would also need to slip their cocks into other women, then wouldn’t that be a more acceptable way of living, in honesty, with trust, obviously assuming that the man would not get all protective and possessive about their women opening their legs for another?
In which case, surely the right response from any liberated partner would be “Can you please make sure you wear a condom?”
What’s more, if men and women feel that they have this liberty, then they may find that they don’t actually want to enter into another cock or cunt. They may just want to look, or fondle around a bit, or indeed they may want to go the whole hog. The point is, tying people down to false promises and hopes is a stupid way to live.
Look at Tom Jones.
He was on Desert Island Discs this week and right at the end, after a brilliant interview, young Kirsty tentatively asked him about his fidelity issues in the most subtle way. Sir Tom mentioned that he wasn’t proud of his darker side, although he never mentioned the word infidelity, but he recognised it was part of him and that he had enjoyed his life and, by default his experiences with a woman or two.
Lady Jones is no fool. She knows and has always known that the man from the valleys has not been faithful but they have resolutely remained together for over fifty years. After all the women who have been in Tom’s life, it is Linda who he is with and it is Linda has her sex bomb.
So back to the coming out. Shouldn’t Tom Jones actually come out? Shouldn’t he have sat there on the Desert Island interview and said all of this. After all, he has a wider audience than little me. One statement from Sir Tom would do more for a polyamorous existence than any amount of essays from Zenpuss. If he, with Linda by his side, came out and said that infidelity in a marriage can work out rather well, then it would help millions of people who are fearful of their security both emotionally and economically, to come out and declare their sexuality and a travelling eye or other parts of the body.
Of course, the feminist in me would only offer this couple forward if Mrs. J has been playing away too.
And back to the footballers.
Shouldn’t they come out too? Shouldn’t they say to the world, “Guess what, I am at the peak of my sexual and physical fitness. There are some stunningly beautiful women who just want to fuck me. What on earth is wrong with me having some perfectly wonderful recreational sex? I still love my partner. I am still committed to my partner but I cannot ignore this gorgeous pussy in front of me.”
For the Rooney’s of the world (allegedly) who feel a need to pay for sex, they should say “I needed sex! Simple! My wife or partner could not give it to me so I discussed it with her and we decided that I needed to have some raunchy sex with another. I still love my partner. I am still committed to my partner but I cannot ignore my instinctive desire to place my cock in the cunt of another!”
As I said, sadly for Coleen and co, these conversations probably never happened. What I am suggesting is that if they had taken place, then maybe the stupid newspapers would have no purpose in writing such silly little stories and maybe these footballers and their partners could lead the way in sexual enlightenment, especially if it is led by such a huge icon as David Beckham.
(And before I get sued, I have no idea whether Becks has been faithful or not. All I am saying is that if he has dipped his wick elsewhere then, like with Tom Jones, it would be a huge step in the right direction in the sexual revolution for him to stand up and be counted, and Victoria too.)
A couple of weeks ago, a very dear friend of mine “came out” as being bisexual. It was a brave thing to do, though isn’t that a stupid phrase too. It shouldn’t be brave. People should be able to express views and facts about their own sexuality without it being a “brave” thing to do.
I sat and listened and was very proud of my friend. She lives in an opinionated world and works in an environment where she may well get taunted for her sexuality.
She doesn’t want to “come out” to others. She has just told me but I fear that she is going to be outed without her permission.
“Outing” is despicable. Let me make that clear from the outset. I abhor it. And in all of this writing, I am not suggesting that anyone should be outed. If someone wants to declare their sexuality and their love of sex to an awaiting world, then good for them, but I also have a complete respect for people’s privacy and like with all things in life, there has to be a healthy balance between declarations and privacy because ultimately, in an ideal world, there would be no need for “coming out”. If people were honest and comfortable with all forms of sexuality nobody would need to come out as a homosexual, as a heterosexual, as a bisexual, as a raving nymphomaniac. We might even get a reduction in inappropriate sexual behaviour too.
I recognise that I am a foolhardy optimist. I appreciate that there are possibly flaws in my argument but it comes back to the fact that we, as a society, are not honest about our sexuality and until we are, I am not sure that we can move forward and eradicate the horrible and dangerous myths about sex and relationships, and it needs more than my own declaration of intent and “coming out” to ensure there is a tipping point.
