Tomorrow I shall be receiving my copy of “Vagina” by
Naomi Wolf. This is a book that explores the neural connection between the
brain and female sexuality. Whilst it may appear to many to be stating the
bleeding obvious, myself included, it is clear that people have still not
understood the true nature and power of female sexuality and the explicit and
apparent differences between the types of orgasms us lucky women can achieve.
One comment, following my own comment on the Guardian’s
Comment is Free page begged the question, “Do we really need another book about
this? Why can’t we just get down to enjoying and learning through experience” –
or words to that effect. There’s certainly some truth in such a statement. The
best way of developing and understanding one’s sexuality is to have sex with someone
that you can be honest with, with someone that you trust, with someone that
will enable you to say what you like and what you don’t like without taking any
offence.
However, there are still far too many women who don’t
know what their bodies are capable of and therefore can’t even begin to
understand the potential of their own bodies, unless these things are explored
more thoroughly.
I often praise the Guardian because they are prepared to
challenge, or certainly report on, female sexuality. Naomi Wolf is “one of
theirs” and often the paper can be accused of a certain amount of nepotism in
promoting their own. Yet it appears that Naomi Wolf has written a book that
needs promotion.
On Woman’s Hour today, she described the link she
instinctively felt between good sex and the brain. Even such an enlightened
character as this was unaware that she had a pelvic nerve which was a link
between the sensation of sex and the brain. When this was damaged, she could
have satisfying sex but she couldn’t have the sex that she was used to which
was an experience that intertwined the body, mind and soul. The sex that she
had experienced and therefore understandably wanted again was all-consuming.
Without this pelvic nerve working effectively there was a disconnection – a physical
disconnection that no amount of loving and delight at her sexual partner could
replace.
So she had an operation to fix her problem and lo and
behold, she was back on course experiencing the brilliant sex that this woman
was used to.
Incidentally, being a naughty type of gal, I have looked
at her photograph before and concluded intuitively that this was a woman who
enjoyed sex. You can tell if you know the signs.
Naomi Wolf also talked today about the link with
creativity. She said that whilst this problem of hers was persisting, she felt
that she couldn’t be as creative as normal. She went on to say that there has
been some research in this area, whereby women who had experienced mind and
body blowing sex had simultaneously realised their hidden potential to be
creative too, and that when that sexual experience was no longer present, so
too did their creativity diminish.
Yes, I can agree entirely with that, though there are
other means of re-establishing the creative juices – it’s just that I believe
that sex is the best way.
Creative and orgasmic juices unite. I know I’ve probably
done my best writing with high levels of oxytocin and dopamine and all those
unfamiliar words that are so integral to the sexual experience.
Oh and a lot of moisture. I like writing with moisture!
One of the things that alarmed me from the reading of the
extracts below was Naomi’s response to the party that was thrown for her by a
friend in celebration of the fact that her book had been commissioned. He
decided to make some special pasta, shaped as individual vaginas, and he named
the aforementioned food products as “cuntini”.
Personally I thought this was all rather wonderful. Not
only had he made these pasta shapes but he had individualised them to celebrate
that each woman’s cunt was unique.
Friends gathered at the party had a mixed response, and I
would suggest that part of this was due to the use of the word “cunt”.
When are we going to embrace this word as a thing of
beauty? I have a beautiful cunt and I’m damn proud of the fact that other
people see it as a thing of beauty and describe it as a cunt. It is a cunt.
“Darling, you’ve got a perfectly, gorgeous vagina” doesn’t
carry the same intimacy for me as “Darling, you’ve got a perfectly gorgeous cunt”.
Wolf says she has been misquoted about this party. In the
paper, it said she was so horrified that the pasta had been produced that she
had writer’s block for six months. Today on Woman’s Hour, she said that the
pasta wasn’t the problem. It was the fact that it was served with sausages,
implying that the “cuntini” was a mere accompaniment to the meaty stuff –
analogies of male sexuality being more important that female. She also thought
it was a little flippant and reiterated the jokiness of sex. Whilst I empathise
with her, I would have thought this could have been a great opportunity to
discuss sexual empowerment for women. Surely that is the whole point of writing
the book in the first place.
If it had been me, I would have talked to the friend
about what he was trying to convey with his gastronomic titillation and then
discuss the appropriateness of this or not.
Naomi Wolf also talks about the female sexual soul. This
too has been mocked but why. I’m damn sure I have a sexual soul and there is
nothing I love more than sharing this with another sexual soul who understand
precisely what it means to be sexually empowered as a female.
The soul is a powerful essence, as is sexuality. The two
combined are the most potent thing in the world, in my opinion. Yet, people see
it as an ephemeral piece of nonsense.
Not so.
Have a look at this paragraph from the paper (link below)
There is some
discussion about what constitutes the "female soul". Looking back on a
walk she took with a group of female scientists, Wolf recounts "that
slightly wild, slightly inexplicable moment – when the wind, the grass and the
animals had all seemed a part of what we were learning about ourselves".
It's these kind of moments that have, over the years, contributed to a vague
sense that while her heart is undoubtedly in the right place, Wolf is also full
of hot air.
What the writer clearly doesn’t understand is when the
female soul is connected entirely during sex we do learn about ourselves and
others. We do feel inexplicable moments of togetherness and oneness – with ourselves,
our partner and the world. So no, Naomi Wolf is not full of hot air at all.
Anyone who hasn’t experienced this can’t possibly fathom the depths of
wonderment of what she has experienced through sex.
Here’s some extracts from a blog (link below) written
about the book that shows a certain amount of incredulity to what Naomi Wolf is
describing.
Wolf says “"post-coital
rush of a sense of vitality infusing the world, of delight with myself and with
all around me."
The response “Blimey,
I’ll have what she’s having” – missing the point that this is what the book is
hoping to achieve.
Another.
"As the
'blended' clitoral and vaginal orgasms that I had been used to returned to me,
sex became emotional for me again" says Wolf. The commentator on the
Guardian’s response says “"Blended" orgasms? Is there a recipe book
for that?”
YES! YES! There is! And surely that is precisely why we
need these sort of books to be written and read. The stupidity of not
understanding the massive difference between a vaginal (or cuntal!!) orgasm and
a clitoral climax makes me fume! Whilst it may originate from the same area
(some saying that a vaginal orgasm is actually clitorally induced!!), they are
completely different experiences. Getting the two together is NOT beyond the
realms of possibility and every woman should have the opportunity to experience
them.
The author of this piece goes on to explain her concerns
about becoming too technical about female orgasms, and whilst I empathise with
her too, i.e we should lie back (or stand up) and enjoy it, there is still too
much ignorance in the potential of women, their sexual soul and their sexual
delight, and therefore we must continue to fight this ultimate feminist cause
if we are ever going to get equity. Of course, that is just my opinion.
As indeed is this entire blog.
I conclude by saying I will write more once I have read
this book. I may even have to change my opinion but please let us applaud a
woman who is prepared to write a biographical graphic book about her sexuality
in the hope that others will realise what they are missing out on.
