Writing for women

In recent times I have been very interested in what some would see as the dividing line between pornography and raunchy writing that excites and energises the reader. I have also been keen to reclaim words and phrases that are deemed to be crude, bringing them into mainstream writing to make them acceptable and positively embrace them. I am also interested in how we can spread the word of female sexuality without it seeming to be gratuitous or overtly sensationalist.

Of course, one could argue that anything sexual should be overtly sensationalist. I suppose a better word would be titillation. I would want my writing to titillate but not in an unseemly way and not merely for this reason.

There is so much to do in supporting women of all ages to recognise their own sexuality, to embrace it and positively seek ways of expressing it. And a few weekends ago, I have had a slight breakthrough, thanks to the writing of others.

Firstly, in the Guardian Weekend magazine, there was an article about a European woman called Charlotte Roche. She has written a book called “Feuchtgebiete” which translates to wetlands or moist patches. With typical reverence to British sensitivities, it is the former rather than the latter title that she has chosen for the English translation. Personally, I think that “Moist Patches” would have made a far better title. But isn’t ‘Feuchtgebiete’ a great word? With the sharpness of the German language, it has an earthiness that is so important in raw sexuality.
“I vont to emit a fechtgebiete all over your sheets for you to sniff at your vill” – sorry!

The book itself does sound somewhat bizarre with a huge juxtaposition between the woman’s desire to get her divorced parents back together and her deeply sexual state of being in hospital because of her sexual misdemeanours. What Roche describes as her reason for writing the book in the first instance is something that certainly resonates with me. I quote, “We seem to be very strong and open about everything. But when it comes to the vagina, we’re not at all open yet. When I talk to people, they never talk to their best friends about any of this, how they masturbate, what they like……” She continues, “I wanted to write about female sexuality and go into detail very strongly”.

Another phrase that struck a chord with me was at the end of the article. Roche says about her writing, “It gives me a sense of strength. Men think they can be disgusting and sexual and stuff, and now I’ve shown them that women can do the same. When I walk into a pub now, and I see men saying, ‘Look, that’s Charlotte Roche’, it’s as if I’ve stolen something from them. I like that feeling”.

And she is right in some of what she says. I too want to write sexual stuff but not necessarily to reclaim something from men. Far from it. I want to help men to enjoy their women’s sexuality just as much as I want women to recognise it for their own sake. I would never use the word ‘disgusting’. This is a key point. Nobody should be using the word ‘disgusting’ in the same sentence or phrase as the word ‘sex’. They should be mutually exclusive if people really understood the true wonderment of sex and sexuality. None of it is disgusting.

Now some could argue that Roche’s fetishness with female lubrications is disgusting. And admittedly, it appears that some of what she describes is somewhat bizarre – “like warm pus mixed with diarrhoea and something acidic”?? No place for this really – we are trying to get people to see the beauty and delights of female aroma – we are trying to break free from the idea that Roche suggest later in the piece that female smells are as disgusting as the smell of rotten dead fish.

The point of all of this and the reason that I was so excited to read this article is that it appears that the tide is turning. Admittedly, the first publishers that she went to were adamant in their refusal to publish but she persevered and got the publication, with the book being extremely successful in Germany. It appears that there really is a market for books that excite and energise, inform and amuse. It appears that people really do want to embrace the joys of female sexuality, and maybe, just maybe, there is a place for refined, thoughtful, intellectual writing from a woman who is making her way through life, totally reviewing her ideas about sexuality and love and relationships, and she wants others to know how utterly liberating this can be.

I really do think that with some extremely dedicated and helpful support, I could start writing something that is as raunchy and exciting as this book appears to be. I too would want to talk about female juices but I wouldn’t want to make them ‘disgusting’. I would want to be honest and truthful and positive about them.
I’d happily share my thoughts and experiences about good and beautiful sex, about fantasies and ideas.
But what I want to do is ensure that the book that I write is reaching out to as wide an audience as possible. It doesn’t need to be sensationalist, other than describing and enlightening the world about the sensationalism of female sexuality. It doesn’t need crudity other than rescuing words and phrases that are currently deemed to be crude.
Like Roche I want to write about female sexuality and “go into detail very strongly” but in an extremely positive and powerful way. There is a new wave of feminism that needs to incorporate the key components of female sexuality. And I am so very, very excited about the prospect that I could have a part in this.

So what else happened that weekend to buzz me into action? Well, it has something to do with the magazine Cosmopolitan.

Earlier in the week, I was discussing the idea of writing a piece for a magazine, and whether someone like Cosmopolitan might be the right place for such an article. The idea was to start writing in a similar, possibly toned down, way to Zenpuss, aiming to enlighten the world.
I was, and am, going to start by writing an article about women hiding their sex toys from their partners.
In order to think about the type of language that I should use, I decided that I ought to go and buy a copy of Cosmo to see how I would need to style my writing.
I was alarmed, disappointed, yet not very surprised to find that in actual fact, Cosmo was full of utter bollocks. Admittedly, the readers of this magazine are probably not in my age bracket – oh dear, how depressing that I am probably no longer the target audience of such magazines, but it really was full of utter drivel.

In the February edition, the key “love, sex and success” articles are as follows – Sex and the Single Girl – Tracey heads Down Under to find out if the men are better home or away, What Goes Through Men’s Minds ….. when they secretly lust after you, 50 Things You Never Knew About Sex (nuff said already), Girls on Top – Toe-tingling sex positions that will have you riding high and Sex Coach – Rachel sorts your problems between the sheets.
The headline capturing, “9 Secrets of women who enjoy the best sex” turns out to be the article about riding a cock, only of course, this being Cosmo, you cannot mention the word ‘cock’. ‘Penis’ is the only viable word for the male organ.

A slightly amusing aside, I was reading the problem page which included the following issues, “Am I dumped?” – My boyfriend text me to say that we needed to talk and could I phone him. I tried but he is not answering. Do you think he has dumped me? – Er, yes. Irma’s response was “Think of yourself as single again. Congratulations and good luck!”
“I want him to commit to me” – about a student who cannot understand why a bloke who says he’s committed to her also wants to play around.
“I’m threatened by pretty women on tv” – personally, I just enjoy!
And the best, “I need to choose between two men”. Quote, “I know I am not supposed to but I’ve got myself into two relationships at once……..Mr A is very loving and settled….. Mr B is a great cook, we have fantastic sex and he gives me space”. Apparently, according to Irma you cannot possibly love two people simultaneously which means that you actually love neither of them, and of course this women needs to discover herself and therefore for herself that “two at a time is a bad idea”. Now me being me, read this slightly differently. When she said that Mr B is a great cook, I honestly thought that she said Mr B is a great cock – especially when the sentence was finished with a mere comma with “we have fantastic sex”.

But of course, I had forgotten that we cannot use the word ‘cock’. And naturally, we have a vagina not a pussy.

My conclusion on reading this tripe, which incidentally was not well written, was that there is a need for a different type of magazine. I cannot be the only woman in this country who wants to read about female sexuality in a, dare I say it, slightly more intellectual, mature and excitable way. The Scarlet magazine, that tries so hard to reach be more raunchy, like the female equivalent of a soft porn boys mag, also doesn’t hit the spot. It is neither one thing or another. There are no piccies of cocks or tits for that matter, and the writing is pretty bad.
So the only answer is to create a new magazine, one that thoroughly concentrates on sexuality for the enlightened or for those who are interested in travelling on a journey……….
………….. and for now, that is where I have to leave it, buzzing with ideas……….