It's been just over a year now since I woke up in bed with a lover with the delightful and life-affirming joy of wanting to make love to one another. It's been over six months since I had sex, of any description.
Anyone who has read my blog will know that I am completely committed to ensuring that women have a full understanding of their sexuality in order that they can fully enjoy life. Whilst it pains me enormously to be without sexual pleasure myself that does nothing to dampen my enthusiasm for bringing the full force of glorious sexuality to others.
My sexuality and my enjoyment of sexuality is in the intimacy I have with a lover. It's not and never was just about sex and physical desire. Anybody who knows me intimately knows that to be true. I don't lust after any particular person. I do "lust" after intimacy with a person - though lust is definitely the wrong word.
But that's just about me. I understand and appreciate fully other women who just like sex. It works for them on a purely physical level, and that is absolutely fine too.
Sex is a vital component of life, and coming from one who has experienced an extremely asexual life as well as years of being overtly sexual, I think I know what I am talking about.
Today is the start of a new month, a new season and brings forth the potential for new life.
I am not giving up on my sexuality and I am certainly not giving up on raising the awareness of female sexuality for others. I love sex and I want others to love sex too. I've had a horrible and, in my opinion, humiliating experience. Not being desirable to someone is one thing. Not being told is something completely different. It's humiliating, and that humiliation is the very greatest of turn-offs. This isn't about blame. It's an opinion, and I want this to be absolutely clear, I am not apportioning blame to myself or to others. Relationships are complicated. That's life. Honesty in complicated. That's life too. Sex can complicate. That also is part of life's richness, be it positive or the opposite.
Today, I want to reignite the very dormant state of Zenpuss. She has lived in a shadow of uncertainty and lack of fulfilment for too long. As much as she misses sex, she misses talking about sex too, and she misses her own voice in hopefully helping others to embrace the wonderment of their sexuality.
To this end, I shall begin to write once more, and hopefully, one day, I will have a note from someone somewhere who says that my thoughts and ideas have awakened or reawakened their sexuality.
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