I Want My Daughter to Sleep with her Partner

I'm lying in bed naked with a seriously small vibrator, unable to pleasure myself for three reasons.

1. I'm bored of the miniscule size of the equipment that reminds me of the inadequacy of a three-minute shag with wee blokes whose own equipment (and imagination) was sadly lacking.

2. There's something wrong down below. One of the damnable ironies of life is that a tingling sensation of an unknown infection is a little similar to the onset of an orgasm from a vigorous finger fuck.

3. My daughter is lying a flimsy wall away from me, presumably pleasuring her partner whilst I turn an insipid shade of green that she might have a warm body next to her all night whilst I lie here, legs straddled awaiting nothing but a soothing gush of cold air.

The good news is that if I do succumb to the little plastic performer, it won't take too long to tickle the tingle into a more pleasurable sensation, and yes, I do conduct an extremely hygienic clean-up operation.

They're giggling now, which is always joyous to hear. Soon, they will go through the noisy rigmarole of closing doors and opening others, to convince me that one of them is transferring to another room for the night. I really hope they don't go through with it. I really hope that they have been comforted enough by my own unsubtle door closure and exaggerated switching off of the lights, to remain in the same room and spend the night together.

That said, gawd help me if I want a glass of water or a trip to the loo in the next hour - another reason for not pleasuring my pussy.

I want them to sleep together. There are many reasons I want them to do this, number one being the immensely, warm and wonderful feeling of waking up either in the arms of a loved one or lying next to them knowing that they want to be next to you, ready to take you at their moment of wakening.

But on a purely practical level, I want them to sleep together to prevent her getting pregnant, and whilst that may sound bizarre, there is reason rather than deluded madness behind such a statement which I shall explain shortly.

Okay, there's a slight confession to be had here. It's not very likely that she's going to get pregnant. She's been taking contraception tablets for a few months now, ever since I noticed a look in her eye, and a maturity in her tone when talking about her boyfriend, that suggested to me her virginal days were about to be consigned to the past. This boyfriend and this relationship feels different - to her and to me. The soppy, awkwardness of teenage droopy-eyed ‘lurve’ is gone. I'm not saying he is THE one; forever and a day until their last breath leaves their withered body decades from now (please no!) but he could be THE one to bring her further into the bewildering brilliance of being a woman.

Just hopefully not tonight. I'd much prefer her first penetrative sexual experience to be in slightly more intimate surroundings, without the nervousness of a potential and accidental visit from a sibling - walking in on her mid flow, or without a need to curb her cries of delight so as not to offend her seemingly celibate mother.

I want my daughter to be able to scream out in ecstasy as she reaches her first penetrative climax. I want her to be enraptured and vocal when seeing her boyfriend spunk for the first time, assuming, of course, this hasn't already happened. I want her to be able to freely walk round the room and house, stark naked after sex; celebrating her liberation into womanhood.

I want her to experience all of this because she's ready for it in mind, body and soul. On reflection, had I waited and learned a little more about what I was actually doing, if I had been clear as to what I wanted, if I'd known my own body more intimately, then my first penetrative sexual experience might not have been so tragic. Furthermore, had I known how brilliant sex could be from the outset, I wouldn't have put up with huge bouts of mediocrity in my sexual life, and had I not had to wait for the real thing of complete freedom and intimacy to do absolutely anything I and a lover wanted with one another's bodies, then I might not miss it quite as much as I do.

The best things do come to those who wait, and mature sex is gratifying in a way that the spring-like urgency of youthful liaisons can't quite manage. However, l don't want my daughter to wait as long as I did for consistently wonderful sex, to the point where its loss is so painfully mourned.

So why do I think that sleeping with her boyfriend might prevent pregnancy, and let's assume she's not using any method of contraception. Whilst we're at it, let's pretend she's not my daughter. Let's imagine that she's like many, many teenagers who don't have either sexually enlightened parents or the confidence and solidity of a relationship with their parent to talk openly and comfortably about sex.

In fact, let's imagine she's a teenager who has only really found out about sex from discussions with peers, a couple of reads through "Cosmopolitan" and a secretive visit to a porn site that she could only bear to watch for the briefest of moments for fear of her internet history being tracked by her mother (who finds such sites abhorrent and abusive). Let's also assume she's had an average sex and relationships education, or let's be even more realistic and assume that she's had the sort of sex and relationships education that most kids in this country have had - the highlight of which was learning how to condom a courgette.

Let’s also assume that like many teenager over the age of consent, she has natural sexual desires.

The urge to have sex is instinctive. Desire can also instinctive to some extent but it is more to do with intuition – a feeling and a recognition and understanding of what makes you tick. Put the natural urge to fuck, together with the reasoned and rational need to respond to the mind’s desire, and that’s a force to be reckoned with. If you add to this unnatural restraints placed upon young people by parents who are understandably trying to protect them from having penetrative sex, then you are potentially forcing them into unsafe situations.

We have to acknowledge that young people have these urges and that they are so strong that they could lead a young person to defy their parents. If they can’t have sex with their parent’s permission, then that doesn’t mean that they’re not going to have sex. It just means that they might do it in a fit of passion, or with coercion, without the calm and careful use of contraception, in environments that might not be conducive to the real world of sexual wonderment. Without a proper sex and relationships education that realistically explains the joy of sex, and offers real and viable alternatives to penetrative sex, they’re going to rush into a fuck without the delightful exploration of their own sexuality and their own preferences beforehand.

I really don’t want that for my daughter. I don’t want it for anyone’s daughter or anyone’s son. I want them to experience the truly rewarding and life-enhancing brilliance of sexual empowerment and enlightenment. I want them to delay having penetrative sex for as long as possible. I want them to know their own bodies first.  I want them to explore one another’s body before penetrative sex too. I want them to be very clear in their minds that they have thought of all the connotations of having sex before they fall into an instinctive reaction to attraction.

That’s why I want my daughter to sleep with her boyfriend. I don’t want her first experience of sex to be a quick bang whilst I pop out to the shops with her siblings. I don’t want her first experience of penetrative sex to be in a field in the middle of nowhere just because this is the only place that they can get some privacy (though I do want her to experience this urgent sex eventually because al fresco is gorgeously stimulating in the right conditions). I don’t want my daughter to rush into penetrative sex without having experienced mutual masturbation or kissing in those special places that we seem unable to acknowledge in sex and relationships lessons, and I don’t want her to think that she has to have sex in exactly the same way that she might have seen on porn sites.

I honestly think that allowing her to sleep with her partner prevents unsafe situations for sex and unsafe, unprotected sex. It also has the added advantage of, when the time is right, enabling her first penetrative sexual experience to be something that she can treasure for a life time, with a proper build-up and a full understanding of one another’s bodies.

I would like all sex and relationships education teachers to really consider the whole notion of being sex positive. Young people probably laugh in their faces when teachers stick to a curriculum of factual information, denying the joy of sex and advocating a “just say no” policy of abstinence. Young people aren’t that stupid. They know that sex is good because if it wasn’t then why is our society so full of the stuff? Why are comedians seemingly obsessed with sexual stories? Why are advertisers all too willing to use sex to sell their goods? Why are newspapers and other media outlets smothered with stories about sex?

It’s an integral part of life and the sooner we all accept this, the better for ourselves and our youngsters. We need to be honest with our young people and we owe them the opportunity to experience sex in the best way possible.

For my children, I don’t want them to have the sexual start that I did. I want them to have a healthy respect for sex, and a healthy respect for the sexuality of their chosen partners as well as a full understanding of their own sexuality. I want adults to stop being so bloody hypocritical, and remember what they were doing at the same age before they start lecturing their children about sex. I want parents to remember their own experiences of early sex, and if they were good experiences, accept that their children are ready for it too and make sure that they are given the best start in their sexual lives, and if it was bad, then do everything you can to prevent that from happening to your most cherished beings.

Finally, apologies for writing so much but as you can see, I’m quite passionate about the subject.