Libidinous stories and thoughts

The Story

It wasn’t as if Eamonn was the love of her life.
He was a bully. He was inconsiderate. He never thought about her needs, only his own.
It was only her naïve and helpless idiocy that kept this unachievable relationship in tact; this dream of total togetherness, of “happy ever after”.
But she knew that there were so many flaws to the relationship that a long term commitment would have been suffocating and wrong on every level possible.

If Caroline had even for one minute really looked at the whole situation objectively, she would have turned away from him, from the situation, retracted herself and never looked back.
Only she wasn’t that clever. She wasn’t that mature. She wasn’t that sensible.
She wasn’t even in love anymore. That had disappeared almost two years before.
She was just plain frightened; frightened of loneliness, frightened of feelings, frightened of him.

Despite all of this, despite the fact that she knew that this separation was the right thing to do, she felt an emptiness that she couldn’t begin to explain.
She felt bereft at the same time as relief.
She felt deep sadness at the same time as an overwhelming sense of relief.
She felt caged by her grief at the same time as feeling complete, and slightly bewildering, liberty.

When she looked at herself, she realised that she had been in a committed relationship since she was fifteen. Although, on paper that looks a little stupid. How could a fifteen year old be in a committed relationship? - but she had been.
She’d had a year long relationship, followed by a two year relationship followed by another two year relationship.
Blimey, she was a mini-serial monogamist. She had always moved from one relationship to the next with a serious blurring of dates between commencement and conclusion.

And all of a sudden, she was alone. And she had never experienced this feeling in her adult life before. No wonder she felt so fucked up. No wonder she could never shake away that feeling of scared emptiness .

She climbed aboard and plonked the heavy bag down as she clung onto the slippery pole of the double decker bus as it bumbled its way to her work.
Along the way, she thought.
It’s been a fortnight now. It will be okay. Think positive.

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Clichéd glances. Eyes connecting. Awareness rising. Temptation. Titillation. Libido?

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He smiles. She responds. He dares to allow his eyes to wander. She acknowledges. A short hello is spoken. He turns and zooms away.

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Attraction is so interesting because there is almost an instantaneous feeling sometimes and yet simultaneously, the attraction grows and grows. Some people mistake this instantaneous feeling for love at first sight. Is it?

Caroline had noticed Adam before. She’d probably noticed him on her first day at work. He was just one of those people who stood out; tall, blond, cocksure, confident and gregarious; bit of prat really.
He was the person that everyone wanted to know, everyone wanted to talk to. Eyes followed him across the room, into the canteen. In the bar, people gathered around him.

Adam knew all of this and he loved it!

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He was always surrounded by very beautiful women. His best friend at work was this stunning dark haired deliciousness called Amanda. Without even knowing it, Caroline was attracted to Amanda.

At the time, she thought it was just a calling of friendship. The two women collided into communication by accident. Maybe, in retrospect, they were both attracted to one another, and whilst both were concentrating on their attraction to Adam, they were denying the reality of the sexual stimulation and the growing desire they felt for one another.

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Christmas bashes.
Caroline wasn’t that bothered about going, despite the fact that Adam had asked her earlier in the day if she was coming along.
Only she was bothered about going because she had been stimulated to go by the attraction for this man.
Intuition was working. She felt that something was happening yet she couldn’t quite grasp what it was.

She walked tentatively into the room. Colin sprang to life and got her a drink.
Rosemary, her friend, and her sipped their cocktails quietly as they watched the first dancers of the evening.

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He walked alone onto the dance floor, looked up, smiled, mimicked a dance shuffle as a mimed invitation and beckoned her over.
She’d only been there for about twenty minutes. It was a little early for dancing, and there was poor Colin, clearly excited that she had accepted a drink from him, clearly gagging for a fuck with her.
Slight guilt at leaving Colin like this, she wandered across to Adam, who took her in his arms immediately.
Her strapless dress allowed his fingers to glide across her shoulders and straight onto naked skin.
For both of them, that was incredibly sensuous.

He wooed her with exactly the right words – she looked beautiful, he’d been worried about her over the last couple of weeks – a friend of a friend had told him about her split with Eamonn. The man must have been an idiot not to recognise the perfection of a woman he’d had in his life.

At the end of the first song, she moved to go but he held her resolutely and determined. She stayed and as he kissed her with such intense passion, her legs buckled, her heart plundered and she was his! She really was living in some sort of cliché.

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Sex with Eamonn had become very samey. It was a routine and a ritual rather than responsive or warm. It was quick and meaningless. He’d never succeeded in making her cum in two years of fucking. She’d been frustrated. He’d been irritated.
Interestingly, he’d assumed it was her problem not his. He couldn’t do anything about her lack of libido. He had no role in being able to make a cumless woman climax.
She thought that this was just how it was. She had no great feeling between her legs. She wasn’t really that bothered by sex at all.

She wasn’t even sure that she had a libido. That night, she knew that there was something happening to her but at that time, she couldn’t have explained what. It was more than just a physical feeling. It was intense.
She wasn’t quite so stupid at that point to think she had fallen in love again but she couldn’t explain this combination of the physical, the sexual and what it was all doing to her head.
She was deeply attracted to him but it was more than that. She wanted to fuck him, and this had never happened to her before in her life.

She suddenly had an absolute urgency to be fucked.

Throughout the evening, he had held her. They had mingled with others with his hand firmly clasped around hers. He’d introduced her as his new woman. Such an assumption! but a correct one.

They danced the last dance and it was pretty obvious by the size of his erection that he needed a fuck as much as she did.
He gathered her into him so that she could feel his cock through his formal dinner suit, and as the singer mentioned making love, he repeated the words into her mouth, breathing deeply and urgently.
“Let’s go!” he whispered.
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They almost ran to the car and probably would have done so had it not been for the sheet ice between them and their getaway vehicle.
They clambered in, each thinking of nothing other than the fuck they were about to receive.
He lit two cigarettes, passing one to her, and they sat in contemplative silence for the rest of the journey home.

He walked around to help her out of the car. She had four inch heels and the road was a death trap of ice.

They went straight into his bedroom.
He swept the dress from her body. He undressed himself. She was painfully aware of how naïve and inexperienced she was. He told her he didn’t care.

Contraceptives were just about negotiated but in the haze of madness and urgency it was a miracle that this had happened. He spilled his spunk into an awaiting dressing gown when the time was right

He got her naked body under the duvet and smothered her with kisses. He slid his cock straight in. No foreplay, no fondles, just straight in.

It was fucking sensational. He didn’t cum after twenty seconds. He lovingly, carefully manipulated his body around so that her insides were sensitised by the movement. He looked down as he drew in and out of her, encouraging her to do the same. He fell with delight onto her tiny body, as she simply lay back and took what was coming.

She was deeply excited by this man, and once the penetration had taken place, they fell asleep together, wrapped around one another, warm, together, fucked up, loved up.

Half way through the night, he turned around and kissed her. He traced his hands over her body. She moved hers over his upper torso though was not sure whether to reach for his cock or not.
He slid his fingers into her cunt, which was clearly receptive to such a move. He dived further under the covers to taste her for himself. She loved that too.
He returned his face to hers, kissed her lightly as his cock soared into her pussy, delighting and moistening her once more.

They fell asleep again.

Awaking the next day, he pulled her on top of him and pushed his cock into her before she had chance to awaken properly.
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Poor Caroline.
She hadn’t got a cat in hell’s chance of surviving this emotionally.

She was completely fucked out and she wanted more. She could have stayed in that bed all day being fucked senseless.
For the very first time in her life, she had allowed her libido to triumph over reason, because at that point in her life she hadn’t understood they were inextricably linked. She was so embarrassingly sexually naïve that there was no way that she could possibly have a one-night stand or fuck a new bloke on the first night, but here she was doing precisely that.

She was attracted to him. She’d actually been attracted to him before her break up with Eamonn but it hadn’t triggered a sexual response. It hadn’t awoken her libido.

She wasn’t sure that she had ever had a libido operating whilst she was with Eamonn. If it had, then it was on few and far between occasions.

Now she had a libido so inflated that she didn’t know how to handle it. She also had a boyfriend so hot and horny that it actually intimidated her, such were her insecurities in her own sexual prowess.
How was she ever going to be sexy and hot when she had a history of lying on her back, opening her legs and get a seeing to?

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Still dressed in her fineries of evening wear she arrived back to the flat and plonked herself down at the kitchen table.
“Can you get drunk on sex?” she asked.

Eruptions of laughter ensued………………

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Caroline and Adam had a horny, hot relationship for a few months. They had sex at inopportune moments, like the time when everyone in the house was gathered for a Christmas meal, and Adam nudged her under the table, grabbed her hand and said, “Let’s fuck!”
It was rather obvious to all gathered what they were doing when they left the table before the end of the meal, and even more obvious when they returned to the table after their rather robust quickie.

She didn’t survive it emotionally. Adam became the scapegoat for her previous disasters.
(And suddenly, in writing this, she has seen the light!)
She fell in love with Adam, pathetically. She couldn’t cope with the loss of this godlike man who she had placed on some hopeless pedestal.
She was emotionally needy and she had discovered a need for sex but it was to no avail. He wasn’t really into her. She was too sexually inexperienced and squirmed at any suggestions of anything.

A couple of year later, they fucked again, just for the hell of it, on a couple of occasions.
They’d become decent friends by now and were free (ish) to do what they wanted.
A group of people had been out for a drink. It was all pleasant. There were no innuendos or flashing eyes. Nothing.

At the end of the evening, Adam asked her if she wanted a lift home. She accepted, expecting nothing. Once they were in the car, he drove her silently back to his place. She’d known he would.
They sat and had a drink and some toast and then got into bed.
They didn’t have sex. They just fell asleep but in the middle of the night, just as they had on their first night together, they fucked.

That’s all it was. Just a fuck. Quite a good one actually. One of the few she remembers from her youth when she had an orgasm.
It had been some time since she’d had an orgasm from penetrative sex, and it felt right.

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The Verdict

It really was the weirdest thing.
Whilst I was writing this, it hit me like a lightening bolt! And if there are any young women reading this then please consider this carefully.

“Caroline” was besotted with “Adam”. As I said earlier, in truth, he was a bit of a tosser. He fancied himself far more than any woman he fucked but she had done the whole, stupid and wholly futile “falling in love” thing.

Having had years of abuse and disinterest from a man whose only sexual excitement came from considering his own needs, Caroline was now stimulated by a man who knew how to fuck her.
Eamonn had been very sexually needy. He needed to fuck Caroline regularly but he needed it for him. It was never really about her at all, even though he got pissed off (yes, really) that she couldn’t cum. Is it any wonder that her libido was non-existent and would revert to dormancy later in her life? It wasn’t the greatest of baptisms.

Whereas all of a sudden, she’d had her libido invigorated and enlivened. When she saw Adam, she had an actual physical sensation between her legs, in her heart. She had mistaken this for being “in love” when in actual fact, it was just her libido working in tandem with the attraction that she held for the man.

Is this what being “in love” is? Is it merely the physical of the libido and the imagination of the attraction working together to create an unreal and unsustainable situation?

Now for the lightening bolt!
Caroline wasn’t in love with Adam. She had found her libido. For the very first time in her life, she had discovered a slight insight into her own sexuality. Compared with now, it was insignificant but at that point, it was life giving.

She didn’t need Adam. She needed sex.

At the time, she thought that the depression that ensued was somehow some suppressed disappointment in the outcome of her relationship with Eamonn. She eventually reasoned that her pining wasn’t really for Adam. He was merely a scapegoat.

In the months after her split with Adam, she became very ill. She lost her joie de vivre. She stopped eating. She became painfully thin and her libido once more disappeared into the ether.
Is there a possibility that what had actually happened was that she had experienced the very real need for sex? When she suddenly realised that she wasn’t going to have sex, it felt as though her world had caved in. She didn’t want Adam. She wanted the feeling that he gave her. To put it bluntly, she wanted his cock in her cunt. She liked feeling libidinous.

Not only that, she had made the grave mistake of thinking that her libido was completely tied up with one person. She had convinced herself that sexual feelings were merely feelings for someone.

It would take her years to realise that the libido was separate from attraction and was separate from love.
However, when libido and attraction and love all collided into an experience that ensured the “utmost uninhibited depths of hearts, souls and spirit” – well, that is a sexual experience worth worrying about!

The point I am trying to make is that we should be explicit with our young people that there is a vast difference between the perfectly normal libidinous feeling and the attraction that we feel for a certain person. If we can make people understand the difference, then we could all be a little more realistic about relationships, particularly those that we experience in our youth.
And we might stop falling in love. Has anyone wondered why the phrase uses the word “falling”?

They can and do work together in a relationship but there may be times when the libido is working alone, irrespective of any emotional attachment or physical attraction.
Guess what, that is why people enjoy porn. It is their way of doing something positive about the very natural and positive aspect of their sexuality, i.e. their libido, especially if they do not have the opportunity to have sex with someone (even better if they can enjoy expressing their libido in this way with their sexual partner).

Caroline was depressed because she had found sex. She had discovered her libido and it was far too rapidly taken from her, as far as she was concerned. She hadn’t discovered dildos at that time. If only she had, she may not have ended up the emotionally fucked up person that she did.
She could have given herself a good seeing to which, at the very least, could have dealt with her sexual needs.

Finally, in saying all of this, I am not denying the genuine loss that people feel when they come out of a relationship. There is the intimacy of touch that is only partly conditioned by libido. There is genuine affection in some attraction and the loss of a special relationship can be devastating but if people woke up to the importance of sex then it bizarrely might ease the pain of break up to admit that they may be missing this as much as the person who gave it.