Libido and Attraction

I’m struggling today with my sexuality. Not in the sense that I don’t know which way I want to swing, so to speak. It’s not as if I would want to fuck the first person who wanted me because I wouldn’t. In actual fact, I am actually struggling with my libido today. I’m actually beginning to wonder whether I have any, which in itself is rather ironic because at the same time as my libido is depressed, I am also desperate for a fuck, but a fuck from a particular source.

Blimey, that sounds somewhat cold and calculated. It’s not meant that way. There’s far more to it than that. I don’t just want the fuck. I want everything that goes with it.
I just find it strange that my libido can be so low and yet my need and desire for one person be so exaggerated.
Maybe there’s hope for the old libido yet. Or is that a completely separate issue?

In considering this, I am wondering how my libido has functioned in the past. I’m not sure that I have been very conscious of it sometimes. Certainly my youthful sexual experiences were somewhat lacking compared with the excitement and stimulation that I now have, but they were not all hopeless losses, and clearly my own libido had some role to play in whether the whole experience was enjoyable or not.
But I am interested in this issue about libido and attraction. I think there is a strong possibility that libido and attraction, particularly for one person, may not even be working on the same plane.

Libido is very much to do with the physical. Attraction is often far more to do with the mind, with an individual passion although physical appearance also has something to do with it. The attraction for another can stimulate and drive the libido. Libido can possibly drive attraction if you are desperate for a fuck. I think there’s that idea about rose tinted glasses, or alcohol induced vision.
Anyway, they are clearly not the same thing and yet sometimes they are mistakenly considered as such.

So how well is my libido functioning at present? Will it only be rejuvenated by one source, one person or should I get onto some porn sites and see whether there’s some dormant libido left in the old girl. Trouble is, I’m not sure I can be bothered.
As for attraction, well, I’m still attracted!

And how well has my libido functioned in the past?
In order for me to clarify in my own mind this separation between libido and attraction, I feel as though I need to write. Nothing like it really for trying to organise your thoughts, even if you don’t come to any particular conclusion at the end of it.
So I thought I would write a story about my libido and attraction from the past, to see if the two were, in that time, inextricably linked or whether one drove the other and how that happened.

There will be a series of short stories, based on my sexual experiences, written both as a journey into this libido/attraction thought but also to see how my sexuality grew and how it also journeyed into barren years of seeming nothingness.
Anyone who hasn’t experienced that cannot really understand what it was like, and what it is like now to experience something of the wonderment of sex.

The stories are fictional, based on some facts. Names, places, situations may have changed but essentially they are true people and I am going to take the role of the female in all of them.
As they are yet unwritten, I do not know what is going to spill out, but the thoughts of the women in the stories will essentially be mine, either as a regression or from the viewpoint of a woman who knows and understands and feels and thinks so positively about the need and desire for sexual fulfilment.

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Stories tomorrow……