Let's start talking people

Let’s start talking people!

I am suffering once more from a writer’s block of sorts, which is rather a pity as I seem to have quite a lot that I want to say at the moment too. I am also somewhat concerned that Zenpuss has not been purring frequently recently and it seems appropriate, therefore, to do something about it, i.e. write down a collection of thoughts that just spring into my mind from time to time, ably supported by a range of impetus from newspaper articles to website roaming to simply sitting and listening to a damn fine piece of passionate music.

These are merely snippets that I may want to expand on at a later date but I fear that if I do not write anything down soon, all of the thoughts will become a jumbled mess and that will certainly not help with my writing block.

So where to start?

Women thinking about sex
There has long been a notion that men think about sex far more frequently than women. Recent research has suggested that this may not be the case. There is a possibility that women think about sex as frequently as most men. Furthermore, they think about their sexuality and sexual attraction even more than men, according to some research into the subject, which could potentially mean that women actually think about sex more often than men.

But where is the evidence in real life?

Yes, there is a possibility that men think about sex but don’t necessarily vocalise this. I know of very few men who are comfortable enough to actually talk openly about sex and sexuality between themselves in the way that it is suggested that women do. That in itself is another subject for a blog. I would have to say that I find it extremely exciting for a man to talk to his male friend about his likes and dislikes, his desires and what he wants from a damn fine fuck. They don’t tend to do that unless they are extremely liberated and comfortable with one another but why should it not be the norm? Of course, I am talking about heterosexual men here. My homosexual friends seem more than happy to talk about sex. Personally, I think there is quite a lot we can learn from homosexual openness and honesty about sex and sexuality but more of that another time.

Let us get back to women.

I wish to goodness I could find the link to this recent survey/research on the issue but if my memory serves me correctly, the article was stating essentially that women do think about sex just as much and possibly more than men.
Good, I’m glad to hear it. I’m not alone. I’m not some kind of freak!

However, if that is the case, then why are we still stuck with this ridiculous notion that the prevalence of sexual thought is the domain of a man? Yes, you do get situations when women get together and discuss sex. They do talk about dildos and horny cocks. They explain to their girlfriends what they like, when they get horny, if a particular sexual experience was a good one and all of this is very positive. Yet, it is not breaking this myth. It is not translating into a factual understanding that women are sexual beings in the same way that men are.

It is okay for a man to admit to thinking about sex. It is still not as acceptable for a woman to admit to the frequency of her thoughts, despite the fact that women do talk about it with their friends.
I beg women out there to just admit it because until they do, then we can never really get the equality of sexuality that we deserve. I know that some may find such a statement a little far fetched but sex is very important. It should be important in everyone’s lives and for women to pretend that it isn’t because it is not socially acceptable to admit that you are thinking about sex just reiterates the notion that sex is mainly a man’s thing! To ignore our thoughts on sex could actually give the impression that men should be ‘in charge’ of sex and that cannot be a good thing for a range of reasons. That is what I mean about the equality of sexuality.
By admitting and understanding that women have sexual thoughts as frequently as men could actually really shift the emphasis in all things sexual and we could finally start to put some real work into investigating the whole field of female sexuality in a way that has not really been done in a definitive way.

It’s time to do more than think sex. It’s time to tell everyone that we are thinking about sex.

Wilhelm Reich and beyond
I do not want to mention too much about this because I have just found something on the internet that warrants a blog of its own. However, what I do want to say is this.
There is plenty on the internet about female sexuality. You could spend an entire week trawling through pages and pages of the stuff but I am not sure that any of it would really tell you anything different, and it certainly doesn’t come to any conclusions about female orgasms. I mean there is still no evidence one way or another, once and for all about female ejaculation.

Wilhelm Reich was interested in orgasms, and from what I can gather, he wasn’t just interested in male orgasms either. He saw orgasms as an important area of study because he recognised that orgasms were an important part of life.
Think about it. What other area of life has less conclusive evidence than sex, particularly female sex?

Again, just simply accepting this is not good enough. Where are the people that are following through with the important work that Reich started? Where are the women who are demanding to know the truth once and for all? Why do we allow researchers to flit away the opportunities for making life shattering discoveries about female sexuality that would bring such benefits to humankind?

Let’s start talking, people!

Fay Weldon
She got into trouble again recently by telling women that there were more important things to worry about than picking up dirty linen from the floor where partners etc may have left them. The usual cries of outrage from feminists erupted. We are not any slave for a male be it in the bedroom or on the bedroom floor retrieving used underwear! What is more important than being equal, cried the women around the country?

Well, I’ll tell you! What Fay Weldon was actually saying was that there are more important things to worry about. Instead of worrying about socks on the floor, why not think about sex instead? It would be better for you to consider sexual excitement than worry about who is responsible for picking up the socks? Weldon went on to say that women of a certain age should not be worrying about their career and that they should just get on with enjoying procreating if that is what a woman wants.

And it is absolutely about this. What women want!

Feminism for me is not totally about striving for an equality that may not be feasible due to physical differences between men and women. The equality that Zenpuss is talking about is the freedom to choose, the right to express yourself sexually without fear of name calling or misunderstanding. Feminism is about being able to make the choice that is good and right for you, and is hopefully as good for your partner. Sexual feminism is about determining what is most important? Worrying about picking up socks or being more concerned about when you can get a delicious twelve incher inside of you? Isn’t that far more liberating and an exciting thing to get your knickers in a twist about.

So next time you are peeved that your man has dropped his socks on the floor, just think that picking them up might get you an extra good fuck for the privilege of picking up his soiled ones.

Of course, I am being slightly flippant here. I would no sooner pick up washing that didn’t belong to me than any other arsy woman. I’m just trying to reiterate that there are actually more important things to worry about, and for me, being able to be sexually equal is one of them.

Speak up folks!

Feeling free
There are many ways that a woman can feel free, and I am sure that being free about our sexuality is an important part of that. Talking about sex is one way but just being honest about ourselves, with ourselves, with our sexuality is another.

On the weekend, I went for a longish bike ride. I was wearing a vest top and I am afraid vanity got the better of me. I didn’t like the fact that my bra was showing as much as it was, and I thought that perhaps I would look better without it on.
So I whipped it off and just travelled along on my bike au naturel, deciding that drooping tits was preferable to unsightly bra straps on my back.

I am not an exhibitionist. I would actually be quite mortified if people thought that I was de-robing purely in the vain hope that it might titillate a passer by. If I want to be sexual about my tits then I will be. There is a time and a place.
This expedition in liberation was precisely that. It was about me feeling good about myself and to some extent being in touch with my sexuality. When you have tits of a certain size and you choose to go braless on a bike ride, you are more than aware that you are a woman with a handful or two, and that is good.
You see, people really ought to be more aware of their sexuality, not just for other people but for themselves as well.

Demanding sex
Nobody should demand sex. My lover has actually said on occasions that he would be happy to oblige if I just wanted to pop over for sex. I’d like that. I’d love to be able to phone up and say, guess what, I really fancy a shag. But then he knows that is often on my mind and it is often something that I want. No demands are necessary.

I return once more to my issue about women speaking up about their sexuality though.

Again, it is accepted and expected that men want sex. Not only do they think about it, they actually want it. That is understandable and appreciated.

Women, however, well it is slightly different. There is less expectation about female desire and female ‘need’ for sexual stimulation, and really that is a shame. Women should not only think about sex but they should do something about it and if they want sex with someone then they should speak out and say so, if circumstances enable them to do so.

I am not advocating that everyone should rush out and just ask for sex from whoever they fancy. Let’s face it. There’s a possibility that this wouldn’t actually work too well. But being honest and upfront about sexuality and being prepared to be accepted as a sexual being would certainly help.

As for me, well, I don’t think I would want anyone to have sex with me if they didn’t want to. I don’t think I would want anyone to have sex with me if they didn’t get equal amount of enjoyment and stimulation from it.

I’ve said before that the really exciting thing about sex for me is being able to give and receive in equal amounts; physically, spiritually, sexually – with feeling and with passion. Sex does not get any better than this. All encompassing, pure and blissful!

I heard a great line from someone the other day. From memory, this comment came from a woman, and I think it was a comedienne. She said “Why the hell do women expect an orgasm every time they have sex? Surely it would be better to just get on and enjoy it instead of worrying about climax. You cannot possibly expect an orgasm every single time!”

And this is precisely why we should talk about sex.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!
It isn’t about demanding or expecting an orgasm. That would be wrong but the simple fact is that if it is right, if someone touches you in the right way, if you feel something more than the physical presence of a beautiful cock inside you, then you are likely to get an orgasm every time.
And women should at least entertain the notion that they are entitled to sexual climax.
Women really should be thinking that it is possible to climax every time. It should be within their expectation even if they shouldn’t actually expect it, if you see what I mean.

You see, if everything is right, you can expect an orgasm every time, not out of some sort of dire necessity, not out of the idea that this is the only thing that is important about love-making but women should realise that it is not unusual or unexpected and it should actually be the norm rather than the unexpected to have orgasms during penetrative sex.

Furthermore, women should know that orgasms come in all shapes and sizes and there is nothing wrong or abnormal or weird about gushing forth an exciting and excitable amount of fluid from their pussies. It is such a sight to see a woman so aroused that she has to flood this gorgeous gush out of her.
I really do think that, for me, this has been one of the most pleasurable and life-changing experiences but unless I had talked about it, unless I had found out and watched, unless I had been honest about my sexuality, I may have continued to suppress and deny this integral part of my sexuality.

It’s so good to talk, it’s so wonderful to think and I am eternally grateful that I can be honest about my sexuality, although it isn’t quite as nymph-like as is sometimes implied through this writing. I do have some control on my sexuality too.
Having said that, as soon as I think about sex, I really begin to want a fuck and I really want to give fucks too.
I like giving a fuck!