Talk to Me

“Careless Talk Costs Lives”

That was the phrase that was adopted in the 1940s to prevent people from divulging information to the Germans. Walls talk, they said. You never know who is listening, they reiterated. You never know who is on the wires, they reminded.

That was then and this is now.

Careless talk can still cost lives. It can certainly make life extremely difficult if people open their mouths unnecessarily when they have been spoken to in confidence. But as I said, that was then and this is now.

The Internet is a means of talking. Blogging is a means of thinking aloud and putting thoughts together into a semi-cohesive piece of writing. The Walls that listened in 1940 is now a computer that most people have access to. The wires that people listened into are now the wealth of writing and information that is available at the click of a button. People “talk”, others “listen”.

Only how do we know that people are listening? How do we know whether anyone is listening to what we have to say? How do we know when it is the right time to talk and the right time to close our mouths and keep our opinions to ourselves?

It’s not always easy to decide what the right course of action is.

I know that this piece of writing is going to come across as some gross contradiction because the balance between silence and talk is a precarious one, especially when you are looking at relationships. But before I venture into this subject in greater detail, I have a request for anyone who is considerate enough to read this article...........

........ Speak to me!

You can do so anonymously but I want to listen. I have done plenty of talking and I want to talk some more. The subject of sexuality, of relationships, of intercourse is something that fascinates me. There is too much silence on the matter. Women around the world have closed their mouths, and indeed their legs, and heaven forbid their senses to the overwhelming brilliance of sex. They have confused and mutated their sexuality into expression of love or lust without really looking at the differentiation.

I’m not suggesting that sex and love are mutually exclusive. Far from it. In my opinion, the very best sex comes out of mutual affection. Intimacy of mutual appreciation and shared sexuality is, for me, the essence of my sexuality. However, it doesn’t always have to be so. Good sex can happen without love, without caring even – simply enjoying the wonderment of sex.

But I digress.

I want to hear from other women who are on journeys into their sexuality, who have challenged their own misconceptions about relationships, who are travelling along a path of new experiences. I want to hear about the men who are enlightened enough to know that looking at female sexuality will emphatically improve their own. I want to hear from people who understand or even challenge some of the things that I am saying.

I know that some of the things that I say will be controversial to some but hopefully thought-provoking to others.

Talk to me so that I can see just who is interested in the things that I write.

Perhaps you could suggest other things that you would like me to consider. 

I am a voice that is not ready to be silenced. My own growth and development is nowhere near complete. I still have a road to travel and without the conversation from like-minded folk and those who disagree I cannot travel completely.

“When the mind is thinking it is talking to itself”

So says Plato.

When Zenpuss is thinking, it is often written down here. I may be talking to myself but I sincerely hope I am not.

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All this talk of talking brings me to consider something else.

As I have said, my own sexuality is very much a part of me and my relationship with others. I love to talk about my sexuality with my lover because I think he understands it more than most, probably understands me more than most.

I love talking about the things that we might do together. I love arousing his imagination, his sexual creativity, even pushing the boundaries to enable him to consider sexual behaviour that he has either dismissed from his mind or never even considered. But discussions on the type of sexual acts that we might enjoy with one another are different than talking about our sexuality and indeed our relationship. Sometimes they are intertwined. Sometimes, considering what we want to do together makes us then look objectively about sexuality in general.

Take my utter desire to be peed on. I know others might find this alarming but even discussing it brings a level of intimacy. It challenges my many preconceptions about what is acceptable and what is abhorrent. It makes us look at the whole issue of female ejaculation and about people’s interpretation about what exactly is emitting from pussy when someone floods their stuff all over the place. So what if there is a little amount of urine in it! So what if it is all urine! (Though I hasten to add, I sincerely doubt this to be the case).

But without being able to talk so intimately, without being able to express our sexuality how can we even begin to explore new depths in our own and others sexuality?

“Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them” - Steve Martin.

Dear Steven, you have a point but a pretty poor one at that, and I know there is a facetious element to it. People can have sex without the kissing but as soon as relationship begins then perhaps the very best thing to do is talk. How will people ever learn about their partner’s sexual needs if we just shut the hell up? How will we ever understand our partner’s desires or their understanding of intimacy and relationships if we simply stop talking at any point in the relationship?

Maybe Stephen Fry was right after all (see last blog). Maybe there has not been enough dialogue between people to understand what a woman wants sexually and what a man thinks she wants and what a man wants and so forth.

Sometimes, silence is far from golden.

But then there is another phase of intimacy.

“Talking comes by nature, silence by wisdom” – proverb

When should the talking stop and the silence begin? Should the talking stop and the silence begin? Should the two things happen simultaneously? Is there intimacy in the knowledge of when it is right to talk and when it is appropriate to be silenced?

When I am fucked out beyond all rationality, beyond the realms of the mere sensual, I don’t really want to talk. The wisdom of my sexuality requires silence.

And yet, I need to tell the world about it too. Not in that moment. Not when words could not possibly convey the essence of my being.

But later.

It is important to talk. It is important that people who are intimate with one another discuss things including their sexuality but it is also important to have silence too. It is wise to have silence in moments that require no words.

It is important to me, at least, that I can ‘talk’ on this blog to try and express something of my sexuality that may or may not help others to understand their own.

“Be silent yourself, that will induce silence in others. Do not fall into the habit of shouting, talking, long and loud. Carry with you an atmosphere of quiet contemplation, wherever you happen to be. The less you talk, the more will become your mental power” – Sri Sathia Sai Baba

Maybe there is not enough silence in life. Maybe we do not enable our mental power sexually because we talk too much. Maybe we should listen to our bodies, our minds, our souls more frequently. Doing so requires silence. Maybe there are times when words just simply will not do.

Well, I said it would be contradictory.

I suppose the conclusion is that there is a time to talk and a time to be silent.

Relationships and people’s individual sexuality will not work without honesty and discussion. If you are going to maintain a level of intimacy that is rewarding and works for all involved, then you have to talk. If we are going to strip this world of the inappropriate and destructive attitudes to sex and relationships then we have to talk.

But in order to delve into ourselves and make some sense of sex and relationships we need silence too.