Isn’t life strange? As soon as I mention a word in my
writing, it suddenly appears once more in an article in the newspaper this
week. Clearly this has nothing to do with me and evidently this word is an
important word, even if my spell check does not recognise it as a valid one in
the English language.
The word I am talking about is ‘oxytocin’.
If you can bear it, check out the Wikipedia page for the
word.
(Just on a slight aside, I am intrigued about the link
with orgasms and the fact that oxytocin is released after the “distension of
the cervix and uterus during labour”. Perhaps this might explain the vaginal
orgasm once and for all. Perhaps oxytocin could be released with stimulation as
well as distension which could explain how the vaginal orgasm works – or am I
clutching at straws?)
Oxytocin is the “cuddle hormone” or the “love hormone”
and according to another site, it looks as though you can actually bottle it
up! Seriously – let me have a few bottles please, now!
But truthfully, this is an important hormone and as the
previous blog explained, it is the possible cause of us females getting rather
emotionally attached to the cocks that we are inviting into our moist little
pussies. It is also associated with bonding, with production of milk for
feeding and various other things of equal significance.
If you read no other link on this page, then read this
one.
Unbelievable! A classic case of using science to benefit
one forthright opinion; in this case suggesting that oxytocin can help to
maintain monogamy as long as you don’t have orgasms because there is such a loss
of oxytocin once the body has climaxed. Personally, I disagree with this
completely. As I said, I feel very cuddly after orgasm. So if I can only
maintain good oxytocin levels through these suggested ways, then all I can say
is bring on the polyamory and copious orgasms.
As with most things where science and sex combine, it
appears that the jury is still out in relation to the longevity, purpose and
effectiveness of oxytocin. There is, however, no doubt of its existence.
In the Guardian today, a man who appears to have a
hugging phobia (is there a word for such a thing? – haphephobia apparently)
decided that he needed to overcome this in order to meet and greet people at
his wedding, all of whom would probably be smothering him with unwanted
embraces.
One paragraph amused me particularly because it interests
me how someone can be so intimate about certain things which I or others may
find unacceptable, whereas they cannot bring themselves to touch another human
being, even one that they are developing a life-long relationship with.
Here he explains the difference between his partner’s
inhibitions and his own.
“I put this down to
our contrasting hang-ups. She's just as buttoned-up as I am, but in different
ways. For example, I'm a reticent hugger but an impressively liberal farter,
whereas she enjoys cuddling but won't admit to ever having done a poo in the
same postcode as me. She'll often entertain herself by attempting to make me to
snuggle on the sofa with her, while I have fun trying to make her say the word
"labia" out loud. It's a perfect Tetris puzzle of inhibition,
and it works.”
Prior to this he mentions how he cannot bring himself to
face his partner in bed. I suspect that they are back to back sleepers; no
spooning required!
But pray tell me, why do people think it is more
appropriate and intimate to fart in front of their partner than give them a
hug? Jeez, you must love me if you are open enough to drop one in the middle of
watching television, or worse, in the middle of the night whilst asleep! What
an honour!
Anyway, putting all that revoltingness aside, this man
decided to enrol in a Cuddle Therapy session. I am constantly amazed at how
people make money these days. Here I am, with a mass of utter brilliance to
impart upon the world and as yet, no avenue to do so. I have books in my mind,
I have theories galore, I have far more life-changing thoughts than just hugging to spread, but no, people decide
that they want to join up to cuddle therapy to change their lives. If only they
knew why they wanted to overcome their fears rather than just having a quick
fix of one element of their instabilities, then they might make a breakthrough in
life.
The writer, Stuart Heritage, finally did make his breakthrough
though, after hours of touching strangers’ hands and faces and even bottoms.
The whole session culminated in a mass hug where arms and hands and all manner
of bodily parts, apart from the sexual organs, were in contact with everyone
else. And it seemed to do the trick.
“I lost all concept
of time. By the end, I wasn't even sure if I was awake or asleep. It was
simultaneously one of the most intense and relaxing things I have ever
experienced. Either I was getting in touch with myself, or someone had spiked
my tea with Rohypnol.”
He had experienced the beauty of touch, and whilst I
mocked the whole therapy agenda previously, I didn’t really mean it. If it does
help people to see the brilliance of touch then so be it, if that is the only
way to find out.
Personally, I prefer a more human and real response in
order to get my oxytocin rushing through my body. I don’t really want contrived
hugs because for me, I am not sure that I could ever feel particularly
wonderful hugging for the sake of it. I can actually empathise with the writer
because sometimes an unwanted hug is extremely intimidating.
But what this man discovered, and hopefully will be able
to put into his own life, is that hugging is important, hugging is vital, human
contact is the greatest of levellers, the best antidote to depression and
anxiety and is actually needed more by some of us than anything else in the
world, including orgasms. And for any regular reader knows, that is a big thing
for me to say.
Human touch is the most wonderful experience when it is
between people who have affection for one another. Hugging as a welcome
releases all sorts of tensions in me. Hugging as a goodbye is a promise for
next time. Hugging before sex accentuates my desire. Hugging after sex makes me
know that what I have just received is being shared and acknowledged and that
the intimacy between us is as strong as ever.
But of course, not all hugging is sexual. Hugs from
friends and family when you are in need are as vital as any words of solace.
Hugging a pet can even be reciprocal dependent upon the mutt you are with. Hugging
someone who is usually reticent to take part in physical contact can be most
pleasurable when you can feel the inhibitions running away from them as they
accept your embrace.
Even cold-hearted Cameron probably wants human touch –
after all, it was he who told the world to go and “hug a hoodie”. Mind you, he
has probably reneged on this over the last month. Allegedly, the full
transcript of this speech has been removed from the Conservative Party website.
But the main thing that struck me about this article,
apart from the mention of oxytocin, was the fact that we really are in a world
where we have forgotten the instinctual and the social; we have turned away
into the insular and the inclusive. We ignore the very thing that would make us
feel better and be better people. We do not embrace. We do not value human
touch, possibly because we are intimidated by it, possibly because we fear that
human touch will automatically send some signals to another that we want sex,
which we may well do, but not all of the time.
I know this may sound one-tracked, but I do think that
people are reticent to be communicative with their hands, arms and mouths in
the form of hugs and kisses because their actions will be misinterpreted, and
this is also down to the fact that we have such an unhealthy view of sex and
sexuality. Obviously, this is not always the case, but we are sometimes so
oblivious to our very obvious human needs and our instruction in brainwashing
about what is right and proper and appropriate has advanced to the extent that
we can no longer even greet one another with this simplest of human touches.
The evidence is there. Oxytocin is prevalent in all
people and can be increased with touch, even touch that is not of a sexual
nature – re-read the monogamy and no climax bollocks above.
Can you imagine how much better the world would be if we
were a little more intimate with one another, if we were a little more
considerate about spreading a hug and increasing levels of oxytocin? Just think
how much money could be saved by regular hugs rather than reliance on Prozac and
the likes? With no antidepressants to bombard us with, these great capitalist
pharmaceutical companies may have to lower their prices of HIV medication in
Africa to make their money.
But then again, I was always a hopeless optimist.
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