Female Sexual Dysfunction

Does anyone remember the illness ME? Popular in the 1990s? The Yuppie Flu or to give it its proper title “Myalgic Encephalopathy?
Do you remember how sufferers coped with the indignity of people suggesting that it was an illness that was totally in the mind, as though the only people who could suffer from this illness were those who already suffered from hypochondria?

I had a couple of friends who had to cope with this illness for many years. One of my friends would sleep for more than eighteen hours a day. She did this for about eighteen months. Quite frankly, whatever it was, it was quite terrifying. She became a mere ghost of the person that she was. She lost confidence, her job, her belief in herself and her dignity.
Another friend had a similar story. She seemed to suffer from the most oppressive inertia. Even when she did manage to come out, she would fall asleep within hours. She couldn’t drink. She could hardly converse and she had nothing to contribute to the conversation because she didn’t actually do anything all day. She couldn’t even comment on the mass of television programmes that she watched because she couldn’t remember watching them.
Thankfully, both friends survived and rarely have to cope with this chronic fatigue any longer.

Yesterday, there was an article in the newspaper about Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD). This is a serious and very real problem for some women. It is something that they have to contend with on a daily basis. It is dismissed by many and, according to the newspaper, it has taken until the year 2010 to have a medical conference about the problem in this country.
I clearly mention ME in conjunction with FSD because it appears that both illnesses are discredited and there are certain people who think that they are both a figment of the sufferer’s imagination.

If you want to read the article in full, here is the link.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/apr/25/women-viagra-polly-vernon

My next blog will include a greater commentary on the article itself but I want to look at the whole notion of FSD for now.

According to the article, there are 43% of women who suffer from FSD.
There are three main areas of FSD.
1. Lack of sexual desire
2. Lack of orgasms
3. Pain during intercourse

Within these three areas, there are a range of problems and there are a range of issues as yet seemingly ignored. For example, does a woman within this 43% suffer from a genuine lack of libido or is her lack of sexual desire accountable to the fact that she is no longer attracted to her partner? If some of these women were a little more honest, do they feel a little gorgeous sensation when they fantasise about someone else, for instance?
Of these 43% of women, are they totally incapable of reaching an orgasm or is it just that they cannot achieve a climax with their partner? Or is it that they cannot orgasm during penetrative sex yet are perfectly capable of climaxing when they are masturbating.
Of those 43% of women, how many have pain because they do not really understand their bodies and do not use their mind to add additional moisture to their pussies as they await penetration.
(Please note, I am not belittling this problem at all. I am sure that it is very real for some people and having painful sex is utterly vile. I know. I’ve been there.)

The problem, it seems with FSD, is that it is not very clear what the cause, the symptoms and therefore the treatment could be. It covers a wide range of issues in comparison with the male counterpart that seems to be wholly focussed on erectile dysfunction. This in itself is interesting because there is an assumption that ALL men want sex. It’s just that sometimes their dicks don’t do what their brains and their hearts desire. To suggest that women’s sexual dysfunction is more complicated implies, by default, that they may not actually want sex. Why is this never a consideration the other way around? Why do people assume that it is acceptable for women to not want sex, as though this is the norm?
For those of us who want sex far more frequently than we can get it, this sort of assumption makes us feel abnormal when in actual fact we are probably far sexually healthy than most.

Again, in the article, there is a suggestion that because the female anatomy is more complicated and intrinsic, then there is a possibility that this is also making the FSD more difficult to treat. With a man, you either get an erection or not. With a woman, there’s the clitoris and the G-Spot (and there is still debate as to whether this exists). There’s the inner and outer labia. There’s all kinds of folds and burrows inside a pussy that have yet to be properly analysed as to their function.
There is a clitoral orgasm and there is a vaginal orgasm. There is a dreamy cum that tingles all over, and there is female ejaculation (and there is still debate as to whether this exists). There are all sorts of orifices as yet undiscovered. There are those who think it is perfectly normal for a woman to have erect organs on penetration or anticipation of it and those who don’t have erections (and there is still debate as to whether this exists).

On writing this and looking more intensely and biologically at the female organs, I am quite humbled by the brilliance of our creation. What a pity people see it is a problem rather than the exquisite execution of evolvement that it is.

Clearly, the medics cannot treat the problem if they cannot ascertain what the problem is, especially if there is an amalgamation of loss of sexual appetite, lack of orgasm and pain on penetration. Which does come first: the chicken or the egg? Is it about physicality or is there a mass of work required on getting women to think more sexually? Is it about understanding the body or is it about understanding the soul? Should sexuality be about the orgasm or the means to its feasibility?

Later in the article, there are a few comments suggesting that the actual number of genuine sufferers is far less than the 43% stated.

Two points about this. Firstly, there is a possibility that those who are clinically treatable either by medicine or by counselling is smaller but that still accounts for a large number of women across the nation that are not experiencing the type of sex that should be an entitlement.
Secondly, if there are 43% of women out there who even tick one of those three boxes in a small way, then that is a problem for them that should not be ignored. The level of FSD is immaterial if you are suffering from it. If a woman feels that they have FSD because they cannot get an orgasm with their partner, then this needs to be looked at. I truly hate the idea of women not being able to orgasm. I’m not sure that I could cope with life without orgasms now. I’m not sure I do cope with life when I don’t orgasm!

Confession time. I suffered from FSD for years without even realising it. If someone had come up to me in the street and asked me if I suffered from FSD, I would probably have denied it. Who wants to admit that they are not feeling particularly sexual? In saying that, there is a possibility that the figure of 43% could actually be smaller than reality therefore.
Lack of sexual desire: Yes, I ticked that box. I was totally disinterested in sex. I would happily have continued throughout my life without another fuck. I was content but didn’t need or desire sex but I didn’t really think this was a problem.
Lack of orgasm: I’d had so few orgasms in my life through penetrative sex that I genuinely believed there was a possibility that it was a figment of someone’s imagination. I knew that there was a clitoral orgasm because I could get that through masturbation but as far as having an orgasm through penetrative sex, it was simply unachievable. I couldn’t even get an orgasm from being given a finger fuck. Again, it wasn’t really a problem. As long as my partner was getting some enjoyment out of jigging his finger in and out of my cunt, and as long as I could pretend this was enjoyable, then all was well with the world.
Pain during sex: Well, I don’t think I have suffered too often with this but there have certainly been times when I have been way to dry for penetrative sex, probably because of the lack of desire. That can be rather painful. I’ve also had pain on occasions when I have been fucking for ages in a time when I have been barren for months. Come to think of it, I think I probably had my hymen rebroken for my fortieth birthday!

I suffered from FSD and I didn’t even know. I lost over a decade of what should have been a time of sexual stimulation and excitement. No wonder I devour cock when I get the opportunity now. NO wonder I want to stick it in my fanny at every opportunity. No wonder I want to grasp it in my hand and feel its glorious hardness as I direct it to my mouth. I am so bloody fortunate that I discovered my sexuality before it was lost forever.

I was lucky. I found someone who realised my sexuality before I did. I had the dormancy removed but others are not so fortunate and this is something that people should not have to suffer silently.
Ideally, this is something that women should aim to remove for themselves without reliance on drugs or even other people.

The point is that if women are not honest and open about either their function or dysfunction sexually, then there will be a perpetuation of myths and incorrect advice and guidance given to women.
In the recent past, I have been cautious about speaking about my sexuality (apart from here) because I didn’t really want women who had never had gushing orgasms to feel inadequate. I didn’t want to reiterate their problems but the simple fact is that it is up to people like me to tell the women out there that they can have mind-blowing sex even if they, like I did, feel that sex is way down on the list of priorities.

Here’s my truth.
Sex is right up there as one of my biggest priorities in life. I admit I am fortunate that I have a sexual partner who I am extremely turned on by. Not everyone is. Without being flippant, I would seriously suggest that if you are not turned on by your partner, do something about it, rethink or alternatively, don’t close your eyes to the possibility of another partner.

Sex is enjoyable. To say that sex is enjoyable is a complete and utter understatement. It blows me to smithereens. It consumes me. It encapsulates my body, my brain, my spirit, my soul. When it is good it is the most incredible thing known to woman. Believe me please. I am a convert. I need sex. I think about it frequently; not too frequently but as much as any man I know.

Female orgasms exist. Every woman should orgasm regularly. Every woman should know their bodies and understand how to get an orgasm. Every woman should be able to get an orgasm on their own. In understanding what their bodies are capable of they should expect a similar orgasm to be achieved by their partner. If you can get an orgasm through masturbation, you should be able to have the same orgasm by your partner. If you cannot get it through him or her finger fucking you, then get the toys out that you use to wank and let your partner play with your fanny.

Not only do female orgasms exist but the G-Spot is real. FACT! If it is not fact then what the hell is it inside me that erupts when stimulated? Please believe me, the G-Spot is there and it can be stimulated by cock or finger, and when it is fucked, it creates the most brilliant and pleasurable feeling that is definitely an orgasm. It’s not the same as a clitoral orgasm but it is equally wonderful.

Female ejaculations happen. This is not a figment of someone’s vibrant imagination. It happens. It is not a camera trick of hard pornography. It is real. Only a few hours ago, I was poking around with three or four fingers inside me as my lover rubbed his cock in front of me. Reaching into my cunt, I could feel the squirt coming. It did.
Immediately afterwards, he reached inside me as his fingers are longer than mine. I splattered my juices over his inserted hand too.
If someone who suffered from FSD for what seemed like an eternity can gush like this, then so can others.

Wanting sex is not the domain of men. It is not abnormal for women to think about sex more that once every half hour. It is not unusual for a woman to get all hard down below at the thought of sex. This is real too. I am not abnormal for thinking about sex. I am not abnormal for wanting sex. I am not abnormal for asking for sex. Some would even probably like me to demand more sex, within reason. I have a high libido, not an abnormal one. I like fucking. I like fucking alot. I like making love even more.

I could go on but I need to keep this succinct because this is so intensely important.

If you are reading this and you have not experienced all of the above but have experienced some, it does not mean that you suffer from FSD but it does mean that you might have some element of your sex life that could do with a little additional spice (if you want).
If you are reading this and have never experienced any of the above, it does not mean that you suffer from FSD but you may want to consider what sex could be like.
If you are reading this and have never experienced any of the above, it could be that despite the warning on this blog, you are under age and want to know something about sex. If you are one of these people, then do not settle for anything but the best. I want you to have the sort of sex that I didn’t know existed but I want you to have it when your mind and maturity can play an integral part in the enjoyment of sex.
If you are reading this and have experienced all or most of the above then do something about it. Tell your friends. Rejoice in your sexuality. Rescue your sexuality from the societal claim that intense sexuality belongs to men. Let women who are potential, partial or actual sufferers of FSD know that there is an alternative to boring, meaningless sex.

Men who are reading this too. You have an important role to play. If your partner is not achieving these things then do something about it. Don’t cum in seconds flat. Think about her needs too. Consider why she may have a lack of sexual desire and work on it, together.

We have to start being honest about the reality of sex for women and the fact that it can be brilliant.
The medical profession has got to get real about this being a real problem. It’s strange to think that Victorian women had shock treatment to stimulate their libido and I am not sure we have advanced much further since then in dealing with FSD.

FSD is a silent problem and will remain so if people are not honest about their sexuality.
Let’s do it now.

And finally, and this is a genuine offer. If anyone wants to talk about this further, then Zenpuss is happy to oblige via email.