Sexual Snippets
Goers
No sooner had Zenpuss written about “Goers” and the “Goerometer” that there was an article on Radio Four’s Woman’s Hour about a very similar subject. Admittedly, they didn’t put it in quite the same terms that I had but they were mentioning the fact that some people “had it” and that this could be successful in terms of career development.
By default, it seems that my theory may be bordering on the correct, i.e. that those who are sexually fulfilled may even show it when they are being interviewed for a job, and if the interviewers are looking out for something different, it might be the sexually fulfilled who get the job due to their confident air and subliminal show of eroticism.
That statement seems like a regression. I would hate to think that I had got any job that I went for because of my looks or the way I subconsciously oozed out a little of my sexuality but there has to be something in the fact that one sexual person might recognise the sexuality of another. In the mating game, I am sure this is the case.
Anyway, the article on Woman’s Hour was about a study from the London School of Economics.
The piece was titled, “Your Erotic Power can be just as useful as your qualifications finds study”.
Here is an extract from the LSE website.
http://www2.lse.ac.uk/newsAndMedia/news/archives/2010/03/erotic.aspx
Michelle and Barack Obama have it. Carla Bruni and David Beckham have it. Jordan and Paris Hilton made a career from it. Erotic capital is the implicit but powerful commodity that can count just as much as educational qualifications in the labour market, politics, media or the arts, finds a new report published today by a sociologist at the London School of Economics and Political Science.
'Beauty and sex appeal have become more important personal assets in the sexualised cultures of our liberal, modern societies, often just as important as educational qualifications' says Dr Catherine Hakim in the study.
She coins the term 'erotic capital' to refer to this difficult-to-define but crucial combination of physical and social attractiveness which makes some men and women agreeable company and colleagues, attractive to all members of their society and especially to the opposite sex.
She says: 'People who possess an above-average amount of erotic capital are more persuasive, are more often perceived as honest and competent. They find it easier to make friends, get jobs, get married, and tend to earn 15 per cent more on average as well'.
Erotic capital should be recognised as a new fourth category of personal asset which each of us possess to some degree (along with economic, cultural and social capital), argues her paper published in the European Sociological Review.
Dr. Hakim identifies six elements of erotic capital – or seven for women in countries where fertility is valued. The other six are: beauty, sexual attractiveness, social graces, liveliness, social presentation and sexuality performance.
She finds that women have the edge over men in these areas, partly because women work harder at being physically and socially attractive, and at dressing well. However, another reason is the large sex deficit that affects more men than women, universally. Recent national sex surveys show that, around the world, men's sexual interest greatly exceeds women's sexual interest and activity, especially among people aged 35 and over. So women are in greater demand as sexual partners, a dramatic reversal of men's advantage in courtship and marriage markets.
Dr Hakim said: 'Of course it has long been known that beautiful women could use that advantage to get on in life. But it has been assumed that was a tactic to make up for their lack of economic or social power, which would become irrelevant when men and women became more equal. Instead, I argue, erotic capital is something all of us trade on and we should see it as a major constituent of our social lives. It has growing importance in the workforce.'
Catherine Hakim's report, 'Erotic Capital' appears in the European Sociological Review, published by Oxford University Press, and will appear online at http://esr.oxfordjournals.org/papbyrecent.dtl
If you follow the link, you can see the paper in full.
http://esr.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/full/jcq014
The substance in this is quite interesting so I will do a more detailed blog later. However, it does make you think and it is quite good to see this “erotic capital” acknowledged, not necessarily as a means to furthering yourself in your career but because once more, it recognises the importance of sexuality in our lives when that significance has so frequently been pushed to one side.
More of this later.......
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Back to Boobs
It struck me after writing about Rigby and Peller yesterday how infrequently women touch their boobs. I have written about this before and the importance of exploring your own body. Health wise, it is vital that a woman gets to know her boobs intimately. Small changes in size, veins and the appearance of the nipple could (and I say could with as much caution as possible) be an indicator that not all is right. Sometimes, the changes are linked to normal hormonal patterns of the monthly cycle. I know that when I am about to menstruate my boobs are heavier and ridiculously sensitive.
However, there are other reasons for a woman to get to know their tits as well.
I want to have some knowledge of what it is about me that my sexual partner desires or likes. My lover enjoys just occasionally, more than occasionally thankfully, taking my boobs in his hand almost as though he is verifying that they are still weighty and enjoyable to touch. I rather like the fact that there are times when he just feels an instinctive need to touch them.
In order to appreciate why he does this, I too feel my boobs to experience what he is wanting and as a reminder for when he is not here to do it.
And though I say it myself, they feel quite good and they are a little reminder of the sexual person that I am.
At the moment, for some reason that is not linked to my menstrual cycle, my boobs are very sensitive which is both positive and negative. Some may find this difficult to believe and others will have experienced this but last week, I had a gushing orgasm simply by having my nipples tweaked and my boobs handled. The mind has to work in conjunction with touch to enable this but it certainly happened and it felt really wonderful.
Often, when I am in the middle of penetrative sex, I grab my boobs to heighten the experience as a whole. Fondling your own tits whilst you are being gloriously fucked makes a difference, believe me. Not only does it give your lover an additional arousal at you touching yourself, it also, as I said, sensitises the whole sexual experience for yourself. If he is too busy down below to touch your boobs, then DIY!
As for the negative, well, let’s just say, that accidental or unwanted touches can be a little painful when the boobs are this sensitive. Even a desired touch can have a little pleasurable pain when the boobs are at this heightened state of sensitivity. But hey ho, I don’t mind. The pleasure of boob induced orgasms far outweighs the hazards.
Of course, the best thing for sensitive boobs is to have them gently caressed and the other thing is to ensure that you have a decent fitting bra.
Back to Rigby and Peller!
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Sex and the Big Debate
Last Thursday saw the first televised debate between the three contenders for the British Prime Minister’s job. It is hardly a time for sexual commentary but it does have to be pointed out that there was a distinct lack of anything remotely sexual for the hour and a half of viewing.
Before you all throw up at the thought that there could be anything sexual about the election and these three candidates bear with me.
We hope that sexuality is important in peoples’ lives. The report from the LSE gives some academic credence to this. So why are there so few politicians that have this so called “erotic capital”?
Clegg, Brown and Cameron don’t. Well, as far as I am concerned they don’t. I cannot think of a single member of the cabinet who appears to ‘have it’ though I suspect that there are certain people who may have ‘had it’ in their time. For fear of litigation, I shall not mention people by name but they are there (and I will disclose my thoughts personally to anyone who wants to get in touch).
It strikes me that if there is such a thing as erotic capital then politicians who have this potential somehow divert this capital to another direction, i.e. the pursuit of power and the single track domination of their thoughts. Or maybe they never ‘had it’ so start off with.
Perhaps Dr. Hakim could do another study about the lack of erotic capital in our potential leaders, or perhaps she might see that capital in places where I am unable to notice.
The debate was about domestic issues and covered a range of subjects such as the economy, education, health, immigration and so forth. Clearly I wasn’t expecting a conversation about sex and I am not even sure what question on the subject I would have posed but there does seem to be a distinct lack of sex in the important political situation we find ourselves in today. Sex doesn’t appear to be a part of this election or indeed any election at all. Is there, in fact, a possibility that in life you either have politics or sex? Well, that is hardly true. Look at the Cecil Parkinson’s, the John Majors and the David Mellor’s of the world. Don’t look too hard. It’s not a pleasant scenario. In fear of being too partisan, there was also Robin Cook and I am sure I could wrack my brains for a Liberal sexual being if I thought of it – ah yes, Paddy Pantsdown!
It amazes me though that people who are interested in politics to the extreme of pursuing a position seem to be so asexual. Of course, Cameron has proved his virility just in time for this election by getting the dear Samantha preggars and both Clegg and Brown have fathered their share of children too but that is not quite the same thing as sexual presence and certainly isn’t the same as erotic capital.
The men were in grey suits, one was even in a grey shirt. There was nothing remotely sexual about any of them and the conversations did not include anything sexual either. Much has been made of the leader’s partners with Samantha having her own webcam and Sarah infamously twittering to a point that I think she has more followers than Stephen Fry these days. As for Miriam Clegg, she seems to be sensibly remaining in the background as much as possible, despite the fact that out of the three women, she probably has the most erotic capital.
Clearly sex and politics don’t mix although I personally believe that sex should be an integral part of people’s lives as should politics, even with a small ‘p’.
As for a question on sex for our three leaders, then maybe readers could help me out with this one. What question would you ask? I am not talking about further legislation around lap dancing or the decriminalisation of prostitution, I am talking about the sort of question that should be important to everyone, like “How can you ensure that there is a balance between people’s right to be sexual beings and the rights of individuals?” or “What are you going to do about the irony of overt sexualisation in society in a society where people are terrified to talk about their sexuality...... do you not suppose that there is a link?” Now that is an interesting question.
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Primark and its bikinis
And talking of sexualisation of society, I was delighted to hear that Primark had withdrawn their padded bikinis for seven year olds.
There was a bizarre article from Laurie Penny in the Guardian about it with an abundance of comments from people.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/apr/15/primark-padded-bikinis-mumsnet-sexuality
The article seemed to be defending the sales of padded bras and bikinis for seven year olds stating that it was perfectly acceptable for girls to have these items. At one point the author even states how much she would have liked a padded bra.
“I would have killed for a padded bra when I was in primary school, if only to give an extra boost to the wodges of toilet roll I had already begun to stuff into my crop-top”.
She went on to say there was a class element in this and that Marks and Sparks were not having to contend with the same sort of criticism with their “angel” range. On this she has a point.
She states the following.
“Far from protecting young girls, the "anti-sexualisation" agenda actually serves a culture that shames girls if they have sexual feelings of their own while fetishising them as objects of erotic capital.”
FFS Laurie, we are talking about seven year old girls here! Of course this mixed messages issue is a real issue. Overt sexual dress for young girls is not good. End of sentence. End of story. Of course there is an issue that we do not want young women to grow up thinking they should suppress their sexuality. We certainly don’t want women to purely be objects of erotic capital but the selling of padded bikinis to seven year olds is doing just that.
This woman has in the past, talked sense. She is committed to ensuring that women do not feel ashamed of their sexuality and that 21st century feminism empowers women to be sexual and to assert their sexuality without fear of reprimand or name-calling. If I have misinterpreted this, then apologies to Ms. Penny but really, this is entirely different from making seven year olds yearn for boobs at an age where they should not even be thinking of such things.
I am not an advocate of Mumsnet middle class, repressive sexuality, blah blah and I really don’t like to side with such people who would probably want a blog such as this shut down. However, on this occasion they are right. It is wrong to sexualise young girls in this way and it gives a very wrong message to them about the means of expressing their sexuality in the future.
Here is a comment from one person, Firebrandy from Comment if Free
I'm really sorry, Laurie - I read your Penny Red blog avidly and most of the time I think you are one of the few, extremely eloquent voices out there speaking up for the working classes. But on this issue I so strongly disagree with you.
Your final paragraph is an excellent point - about the commodification of sexuality and commercialisation that affects all women. But a preteen is a child. It's not necessary for them to wear a bra until puberty, at which time it's valid. Even nowadays, very few 7 year olds have hit puberty - and if they have they are probably going to be larger, so can fit into teen bras if they have to.
If there is such sexual bullying in schools then that should be tackled and stopped. Children should not have to be pressurised into feeling they have to pad themselves.
It's like saying that if children are teased for being too dark-skinned that they should be allowed to use bleaching products. There is a very, very clear case of right and wrong here and adults have a duty to allow kids to focus on their natural education and development before targeting them - in *any* retail outlet, whatever its class demographic.
Clearly this is a debate that needs further clarification. It yet again proves how fucked up we are in this country about sex, about sexualisation and about how we deal with it all on a personal and a societal perspective.
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More sex please
To finish on a personal note, I have to say I am gagging for some decent sex, not that it has been that long since I had it but long enough. I was fine yesterday but today I am pretty eager.
In bed last night my pussy was as wet as a weekend in Wales as I played with myself and used my vibrator to get me going.
I’d love to have my beautiful cock (not that i own it, you understand) inside me along with the beautiful body and the stimulating mind that accompanies it.
Decent, urgent sex is fine and there are certainly times recently when I would be happy to snatch any time with the aforementioned cock. What really does it for me though is that connection between body parts, minds and souls. That is what I yearn for. That is sexuality at its very best. That is what everyone should have at some point in their lives.
Here’s hoping!
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