Let's Do It

Synchronicity is a wonderful joy in life. I often seem to be caught in some bizarre state of synchronicity where there is no logical reason for the connections that occur.

On the weekend, I realised that I hadn’t been very consistent with my writing on this blog recently, and therefore was going to do some writing about having sex in different places. Nothing major, nothing out of the ordinary, just a comment or two about having sex out of the bedroom.
I was, within the course of this writing, going to mention the urgency of sex, which is why sometimes there isn’t enough time or opportunity to get to bed to have a fuck, and then as I was thinking these thoughts, I switched on the television.

There was a programme on celebrating the life and works of Victoria Wood. Don’t panic! She hasn’t passed away and I am not sure why there was this tribute on but it was quite interesting. Clearly she is an extremely well-respected woman by her peers, both actors and comedians.
Of course, there were plenty of clips from the most famous of her shows and characters, including the sublime Mrs. Overall, superbly played by Julie Walters. Sadly there wasn’t the clip of Victoria doing the child birth sketch which is one of the funniest parodies of the subject I have ever seen television. But what they did have was show the song “Let’s DO it – the Ballad of Barry and Freda”.

This is the moment of synchronicity Part One because this song seemed to fit quite clearly with my theme of having sex all over the place and when it is desperately needed.

Freda and Barry sat one night.
The sky was clear. The stars were bright.
The wind was soft. The moon was up.
Freda drained her cocoa cup

She licked her lips. She felt sublime.
She switched off Gardeners' Question Time.
Barry cringed in fear and dread
As Freda grabbed his tie, and said:

Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Do it while the mood is right!
I'm feeling
Appealing.
I've really got an appetite.

I'm on fire
With desire.
I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

But he said:

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I don't believe in too much sex.
This fashion
For passion
Turns us into nervous wrecks.

No derision!
My decision”
I'd rather watch The Spinners on the television.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

So she said:

Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Do it till our hearts go boom!
Go native,
Creative
Living in the living room.

This folly
Is jolly.
Bend me over backwards on me Hostess trolley.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

But he said:

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
Me 'eavy breathing days have gone.
I'm older,
Feel colder.
It's other things that turn me on.

I'm imploring:
I'm boring.
Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

So she said:

Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Have a crazy night of love!
I'll strip bare.
I'll just wear
Stilettos and an oven glove.

Don't starve a
Girl of a palaver.
Dangle from the wardrobe in your Balaclava.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

But he said:

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I know I'd only get it wrong.

Don't angle
For me to dangle.
Me arms 'ave never been that strong.

Stop pouting.
Stop shouting.
You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Share a night of wild romance,
Frenetic,
Poetic!
This could be your last big chance

To quote Milton,
To eat Stilton,
To roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I've got other little jobs on hand.
Don't grouse
Around the house.
I've got a busy evening planned.

Stop nagging.
I'm flagging.
You know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it
While I'm really in the mood!
Three cheers!
It's years
Since I caught you even semi-nude.

Be drastic
Gymnastic.
Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I must refuse to get undressed.
I feel silly.
It's too chilly
To go without me thermal vest.

Don't choose me.
Don't use me.
Me mother sent a note to say you must excuse me.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I feel I absolutely must.
I won't exempt you,
Want to tempt you,
Want to drive you mad with lust.

No cautions,
Just contortions!
Smear an avocado on me lower portions.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
It's really not my cup of tea.
I'm harassed,
Embarrassed.
I wish you hadn't picked on me.

No dramas!
Give me me pyjamas.
The only girl I'm mad about is Judith Chalmers.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I really want to run amok.
Let's wiggle.
Let's jiggle.
Let's really make the rafters rock.

Be mighty.
Be flighty.
Come and melt the buttons on me flameproof nightie.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I really want to rant and rave.
Let's go,
'Cause I know
Just how I want you to behave:

Not bleakly,
Not meekly.
Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

Then by chance my beautiful lover wrote me a text to say that it was a shame that we hadn’t made it into the bedroom today. I responded to say that there was nothing quite like having sex in the bedroom but quite frankly, I would indeed have been happy to be “bent over backwards on me hostess trolley”. I would have been happy to have sex anywhere such was the pressure that was built up in my nether regions.
More synchronicity.

So it is now up to me to write the writing that I was going to but I have to return to that song first.

People often comment that the very best comedy is the comedy that not only makes us laugh but hits that raw nerve when the parody is so intense and acutely real. In the very same show, there were people commenting on another of Victoria Wood’s sketches where she becomes Chrissie, the girl who swims the channel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2poRHmFvLI

It is brilliant pathos, which is something that Ms. Wood has fine-tuned as well as any of her contemporaries.

Now most people who listen and watch the “Let’s Do It” clip, just enjoy the humour of this poor desperate Freda who just wants a bang, no matter where, compared with her partner Barry who is dreading the thought of sex and coming up with all sorts of outlandish excuses.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZCIKjYDf1g&feature=related

It’s funny.
There are some classic lines such as the “hostess trolley” or “The only girl I’m mad about is Judith Chalmers” but the main humour comes in the hidden reality of the song.
I suspect that Victoria Wood hit onto something with this song and all those people who originally laughed at this song did not realise that they were secretly weeping for their own lack of sex and their inability to be as assertive as Freda in demanding sex from her partner.
Once more, as a society we can laugh at such a song without realising the hypocrisy of doing so because in many ways, there are plenty of us who are laughing at this and simultaneously all being “Barry”.

The observational humour of this song, therefore, is not lost on me. It is sheer brilliance that she could capture the tragedy of the situation whilst simultaneously making it hilarious whilst also spelling it out to the asexual what a travesty they are inflicting on their alleged loved ones.
Clever eh?

So, just for Victoria, I am going to say that I can laugh at the song for a slightly different reason now.
Sometimes, I worry that I am too demanding sexually because quite frankly, I would be happy to have sex anywhere, anytime but this song reminds me that I am merely expressing what others would be and certainly should be given the chance and opportunity to be honest about their sexuality and their need as well as desire for frequent sex.

I love sex. If I am honest, there is nothing that beats sex in bed with a person that you care about. It takes on a different level, a realm that I have tried to explain in recent posts. However, there is a time (sadly all too infrequently) for such sex and there is time for some raunchy, needy sex that could happen anywhere.

My lover was telling me about how he once had an argument with a lover and during that argument she insisted in him finger fucking her throughout her home. Interestingly, I have always had a little fantasy about him fucking me in every room in his house; firstly in every room and secondly, fucking me in every room on the same day. I’m currently missing two rooms so maybe I ought to have a full-on session and get those two rooms done with one stone!

So whilst the bedroom is my first choice, I adore being fucked senseless in the kitchen, with my panties down at my ankles, leaning on the door to prevent an unnecessary intrusion. I love being in the dining room, dangerously near the patio doors with the world outside being able to observe our passion. I am passionate about lying on the rug and being fucked senseless until my cum threatens to extinguish the flames of the adjacent fire. I remember fondly the times when I have lain on the stairs and tossed off as well as turned around for a penetration from behind. I get massively turned on by the urgency of a ride in the lounge, unable to get upstairs because a cock simply needs pussy and the intervening stairs are an obstacle too far. And I adore holding onto the bath or watching myself in the mirror as I see and feel the glorious intensity of my lover deep inside me.

But above and beyond all else I love being in bed, looking into my lover’s eyes, sharing the intimacy of bonding togetherness, sharing passion.

However, returning to the song, I rather fancy doing it till “our hearts go boom....... in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton” because “I don’t believe in too much sex .......... and I’ve really got the appetite” and I want you to “dangle from the wardrobe in your balaclava....... (whilst) ......... wear(ing) your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic” and I you to “smear an avocado on me lower portions” whilst you “come and melt the buttons on me flameproof nightie!”
Of course you need to “beat me on the bottom with a Woman’s Weekly” whilst “I’ll just wear stilettos heels and an oven glove”.
But most importantly, “Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!”

In fact, let’s not wait until tonight or let’s pretend that tonight’s are in the middle of the day.