Reclaiming our Sexuality

There are certain times in life when you can release a very satisfied sigh of relief.
Monday was one such day when I felt affinity to a world that I did not fully believe existed.

To be able to read an article in a newspaper and to be able to nod in agreement and scream positive delights of affirmation is rare indeed, especially when you hold views around sexuality that some people seem to think is anarchistic or even immoral.

The article in question was written by Anushka Asthana, entitled “Sam Roddick: We have only had a kind of lipstick liberation. Women still have big battles to fight”.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2010/may/23/sam-roddick-coco-de-mer

Judging by some of the comments left on the page, it appears that Ms. Roddick is absolutely correct in this statement. Women clearly do have big battles to fight.

To summarise the article, this was an interview with Sam Roddick, daughter of the famous Anita Roddick, founder of the Body Shop. Anita was renowned for her philanthropic work in relation to ecology and human rights and her business reflected her ethical views. Now Sam, having learned so much from her mother, has established a business of her own, based principally on some very strong forthright views that she holds.
Her business, some might say, is in sex.

She’s not a porn magnate. She’s not a whore, though there are some who seem to think she is. What she has developed is a rather state of the art, cultured and sophisticated range of sex toys and lingerie that are probably geared to the more costly end of the market.
Why did she develop this range of sexiness? – mainly because she wants women to find or rediscover their sexuality. In a glorious cycle, she can sell her wares to women who can afford these luxuries in life to assist those that cannot, all in the name of supporting women of all ages to acknowledge and appreciate the glorious gift of their own unique sexuality.
As Ms. Roddick so succinctly puts it, “to be a whole woman we had to reclaim our sexuality”.

Yes, yes, yes. This is precisely what I have been saying through these blogs over the last couple of years but the feminist brigade is not listening. They would proverbially hope the likes of Ms. Roddick and I be excommunicated for even suggesting that our cause is relating to feminism.

In their responses to the article, where Sam Roddick explains how she is working with young people on quality sex and relationship education, where she accounts for her work with prostitutes and where she states that sexual liberation comes with consent, some people still suggest that “sexual self worth is a male construct”.
They go on to question her stance as a feminist when she is “promoting” prostitution and promiscuity. They even suggest that she might be in favour of abuse by not making a stand against naughty things such as bondage.

They just don’t get it.
Let’s just take this idea that sexuality or female self-worth in sexual terms is the domain of men. Let us assume that it is something that men have conjured up so that they can satisfy their hungry little cocks. If feminists believe that then I am beginning to understand why they might be reticent to have sex. If the only thing that was going through my mind during sex was that I was merely there for the purpose of the man or woman between my legs then I might get a little pissed off at the prospect as well.
But I don’t think that and although I cannot speak for her, I am sure that Ms. Roddick does not think that either.
How, as a feminist, can you sit back and allow this “male construct” to continue? If you believe that the admiration of women and their perfectly wonderful bodies is there just for the satisfaction of men, then you have three options.
1. You accept it and get on with trying to enjoy sex pretending that orgasms and satisfaction for women does not exist.
2. You accept it and fight against this patriarchal existence, denying your sexuality at the same time, raging without action.
3. You do something about it. You recapture sexuality for yourself. You take this male construct and throw it back in their faces. You empower yourself with your sexuality.
If sex is all about a male construct then surely as a feminist you should be fighting hard to ensure that it is NOT a male construct.

It’s all very well going on about past lives where the man has dominated the woman, often using her sexiness as a tool for domination. We are all agreed. That is abhorrent. It is without consent. It is encouraging subservience by the woman. It is demeaning and devaluing female sexuality.
What is worse is that this is not all in the past. Some men are still doing this. They are still thinking that sex is just about them, and the women that they choose to fuck are there purely for their service. That is the male construct of sexuality that some feminists quite rightly fight against.

However, there is a far better, more exciting and proactive way to challenge this. Let sexual self-worth be a female construct. It is that simple!
Let women find out about their sexuality for themselves. Let them embrace the fact that we are the ones who are sexually gorgeous. We are the ones who have the wonderful bodies and the juicy pussies. We are the ones who have the right to female orgasms and ejaculations. We are the ones who can actually help men to understand our bodies more, ensuring that both parties get greater satisfaction from their sexual activities.

Sam Roddick goes on within the article to provide us with this statement.
"Feminism as a word is desexualised. If one claims to be a feminist, one is almost sacrificing her sexuality or her sexiness, right? Because it's not really permissible to be powerful, self-determined, challenging of society and be sexy. So it's very interesting how many women refuse to state they are a feminist. They fear that they are not going to be desired. I think it's something that we've got to tackle."

There are two points to raise in this statement.
Firstly, she is correct in one sense. People do not want to be seen as a feminist because it suggests that they are therefore not sexy. What I am suggesting is that there is a perfectly sensible and forthright way of putting the sexiness right back into the word “feminist”. What I am suggesting is that you cannot possibly BE a feminist if you haven’t embraced sexuality and the significance of this as an integral part of being a woman.
This moves completely into my second point. If we do see feminism as a desexualised, then we have to change this. I do not want to choose between being a feminist and being a sexual person. I do not want to feel guilty about something that I have no reason to feel guilty about.
It has taken me years to find my sexuality and I’m damn sure I do not want to lose it again.

My freedom, my liberation has come from seeing myself as a sexual being. I still loathe oppressive behaviour. I still hate over sexualisation of our young people in society. I still abhor sexual violence. I still rage at sexual exploitation but that does not stop me wanting to enjoy sex and wanting to have sex with rather gorgeous people who satisfy my sexual needs and in return in wonderful equality, satisfy theirs.
And guess what? My liberation came with a considerable helping hand – from a man; from a liberated man who respects women’s sexuality far more than some feminists seem to do so.

Furthermore, like Ms. Roddick. I want to see every woman reach their sexual peak. I want women to be able to stand proudly with their delightful bodily parts protruding because they are proud to be a woman and not because it suits some bloke to have a good look.

In order to move on, to progress we are not going to chop our boobs off. We are going to flaunt them knowing that we have these wonderful appendages that men desire.
What could be more empowering than to gain some equilibrium in this forthcoming sexual revolution?

That is what Sam Roddick seems to be thinking about and likewise I do the same.
It is time to become a whole woman through reclaiming our sexuality. In doing so, we will rid the world of exploitation and we will choose when to be sexual thus eradicating any unnecessary sensationalism of sexuality in return.
It is up to us; feminists and free thinkers, men and women and I am eternally grateful that there are people out there like Sam Roddick who are doing precisely that.