My man and his sexuality

So there was Helen Campbell Black in "Riders", scurrying away from the potential foursome because she couldn't cope with the negative emotions that overwhelmed her as she saw her husband's cock rise in pleasure at seeing another woman's bush. If my memory serves me correct, that was how it was described in the book for Lady Jilly C would never use the 'C' word.

Bush it was. Funny really because had this book been written nowadays, I suspect 'bush' would not be what was seen. More likely, it would be a shaven pussy or a thin line of pubes but in those days a thick bush was the preference for the Randy Rupert.

Of course Helen was quite right in her interpretation that her husband was turned on, yet she automatically became consumed with jealousy and anger. Again, if my memory serves me correctly, Rupert didn't want to fuck the other woman. All that had happened was that he had looked at a beautiful woman's pussy and that in turn had aroused him enough to want to see his wife's pussy immediately. I would assume that if she had undressed as he had hoped, she might have had the pleasure of a good seeing to as well.
And after he had fucked his wife, then he might have wanted to have the other woman too!

Poor Helen! Poor people who can empathise with her. Poor me! Possibly, poor you!

You see, it isn't simple. There is nothing straight forward about this sex lark. It is too important in our lives to simply ignore the emotional aspects. It is too vital to remove the sensual and leave sex in its wildest, most instinctive form. As I have stated, some people can do this. They can fuck and get the most pleasure from just fucking.

For the rest of us it is more complicated. For some of us, the best, the most bliss inducing, the most vibrant and divine sex is when mind, body and soul come together and reach out and embrace the full extent and potential of our sexual selves and that of our partners.

In doing this, in saying this, then surely the best sex is between two people who care for one another and can so frequently bring about this utter wonderment of wholesome connectivity, of mind blowing sex - Satori?

But let us explore this further. Just because the best sex (for me) is as I have described above, it doesn't mean it is the only sex.

One of the many things I adore about my lover is his total honesty about his sexuality. One of the many things that I adore about our relationship is the liberation that comes from the freedom to express our sexuality.

I've been out and about with him. We've been to bars and restaurants, walked around etc and when we've been out, I have on occasion seen him look at other women with a devilishly desirable glint in his eye. Occasionally, he will begin a conversation with a tasty barmaid or another customer in a restaurant, mainly out of courtesy or interest but sometimes because he has an instant attraction, sometimes because he has an instinctual notion that he'd quite like to get into her panties.
He likes women. He loves cunts. He adores the physicality of womankind.

When this first happened, I admit, I was slightly aggrieved. Our time was limited and precious, and I rather hoped that an eyeful of me and a guarantee of a decent blow job would suffice. Didn't his attraction for others detract from his desire for me?
But I now have to ask myself this question. How can I deny him his sexuality when this is one of the very key things that attracted me to him in the first place?
If I deny him the enjoyment of looking at other women because of my destructive envy, then I am denying who he is. I am trying to change and alter his sexuality to accommodate my needs and possibly my insecurities.
Wouldn't a better course of action be to celebrate, engage and encourage his sexuality to the extent that he can turn round to me and say, "I wouldn't mind fucking her. Do you think she's a goer?"

I know. Easier said than done. But if I genuinely care for this man, then don't I want him to enjoy life to the full? Don't I want him to be fulfilled and excited by the world and the people within? Don't I want him to fuck other people if that is what he wants to do?

Well the truth is this. No I don't. I don't want him to fuck other people. I want him to fuck me! But that's not strictly true either. I want him to make love to me. I want him to tell me that I am the one that he can truly be alive with. I want to know that it is me that turns him on, that channels his sexuality, that completes his sexuality, that sends him to his blissful state of pure delight.

So the truth is this. Yes I do. I want him to be himself. And because of this I want him to fuck other people if that is what he wants to do. What's more I want to see him fuck other people. I really do. I want to see the enjoyment that he can give to others. I want to see the pleasure of fulfilled sexuality on his face. I want him to be who he is, even if that includes components of his sexuality that, in my darker moments, I find a challenge for my own emotional state of being.

It is complicated.
There is this notion that if you go for the latter truth, the one where I state that I want him to have sex with other people, then I am, by virtue of this statement, suggesting that I don’t love him as fully as one would ‘expect’. If he wants me to have sex with other people, then does it imply a certain amount of indifference, a lack of commitment to our relationship?
The norm in this situation is to respond by stating that if two people are utterly committed to one another, then they cannot possibly want sex with other people but I am challenging this. After all, isn’t this one of the problems with monogamous relationships? We are somehow expected to turn off our sexuality in any direction other than the ‘chosen one’. Is that honestly a realistic and viable way of living?

What I am trying to say is that if I want my lover to have sex with other people and if he wants to watch me having sex with another man, then all we are doing is understanding, acknowledging and accepting ourselves and each other as sexual beings that have sexual thoughts and a strong and defined sexuality. And this sexuality and its power is one of the things that attracted us to one another in the first instance. Therefore, we should want and even need to have sex with other people.

Only it isn’t that simple.
When my lover fucks me, he fucks my mind as well as my body. He can do this because I have a vivid imagination and the potential to use my mind to enhance the experiences of the body. All of this is immensely positive and provides a greater sense of wonderment at the sex that we enjoy.
But there is the flip side. My imagination, my thoughts aren’t always positive. They can turn on me; send me into a spiral of anxiousness and distress.
If I think about someone else getting what I am getting with my lover, then I am horrified and appalled that he could be that loving and that sexual with another person, only this isn’t true either because I really adore seeing him sexually satisfied and I really do get immensely turned on by thinking of him with other women, and I want him to feel, to be alive, to be fulfilled.
And I am not sure that I can do all of that on my own, not consistently, not constantly ad infinitum.

“Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for his friends”. Greater love hath no woman than to put away her selfish and destructive emotions, to eradicate them and allay them and accept that the most loving and positive thing to do is enable her lover to enjoy plenty of sex with plenty of friends without him having to worry as to whether this sexual act with another is tearing the woman apart. I mean, could he really properly enjoy sex with another person if he thought that it would have a detrimental effect on me? He may enjoy it in the moment, but the thought of him being wrapped in even fleeting moments of guilt is not what I want. I’d hate him to feel that he had to hide something from me. I’d hate him to have to sit and weigh the pros and cons of letting me know about his liaisons with other people. I want him, and thankfully, this is exactly what I have, to be honest and open, sharing his sexuality with me.

And this is another issue.
Or enjoyment of one another, our closeness is vastly enhanced by the fact that we can be honest about this. He can and should want to tell me of his sexual and spiritual encounters with others. This is what makes him part of who he is.
And returning to the theme of threesomes of foursomes, he should be able to express his desires, his thoughts, his wish to fuck another person without me suddenly having an attack of jealous rage or envy, without me interpreting this as some sort of detraction from his intense feelings for me.

Of course, through this writing, one can see, I hope an obvious train of thought – the yin and yang of any situation.
My lover knows that I am going to yin and yang all over the place. He knows that there is part of me that greedily wants to have him all to myself. He knows that there is a part of me that worries that he is going to fall madly in love with another who can offer him far more than my body and my mind can do. But he also knows that I want him to be true to himself and that I actually get excited at the prospect of his sexuality with another, that I enjoy listening to how he enjoys the friendship of others.
For goodness sake, I don’t want this man and his sexuality to be shoved in a box that only I have the key for. I don’t want him to be placed on some sort of deity-like pedestal where only I can reach him. He’s not a god; he’s a very naughty boy! And he should be enabled to be a very naughty boy as and when he wants.
I want him to have sex with others because it is this very sexuality that I adore, and in saying this, it is not some sort of resignation. It is not me saying, oh well – if that is the only way I can maintain a relationship with him, then that is what I have to do.

It’s complicated.

My lover and I have discussed these things. We have talked and imagined situations where we could boost our sexuality by involving others in our sexual experiences. We have talked about how much we would enjoy a woman joining us for sex (he might consider this a frequent enjoyment; I might consider it an occasional enjoyment, or visa versa). We both want to see each other sexually excited by another. I love watching him fuck me. I have enjoying watching him fuck another. I hope very much to be enthralled by him fucking someone else. He has a beautiful cock. Others really ought to be treated to the brilliance of sex with him, and I have to say that my preferred option would be to see this rather than having it explained to me. But yet again, if I embrace his sexuality to the full, then it shouldn’t really matter whether I am there or not.
However, having the opportunity to see him having sex with another might in some way dissipate my destructive emotions for when he has sex with another without me being there.
By seeing him enjoy sex with another, and knowing that he still wants me immediately, consecutively, simultaneously, then I know that even if I am not present when he has sex with someone else, then I know he is going to still want me. I hope I offer him that little bit more!

Having sex in front of other people, with other people allows us to be sexual, enables us to celebrate, flaunt and enhance our sexuality. By wanting others to be involved in our sexuality does not negate the fondness for one another. It absolutely enlivens it.
And in a stupid way, I want him to discover that he has to control his destructive emotions in exactly the same way that I do. I actually want him to feel a little envy at me fucking another man. I want him to wish he was inside me, as he watches me take a hard cock into my cunt. But I want that emotion to be fleeting. I want his desire to see me sexually fulfilled taking precedence, just as he does with me. He may be enamoured by my envy as long as it doesn’t last and as long as it doesn’t destroy.

Although this writing seems mixed, although it may appear that I want and don’t want the same thing simultaneously, the truth, the real truth is that I want my lover to be the sexy, vibrant and lively man that he is. I do think that one day, we will find a couple of people who are happy to watch us having sex. I do think that one day, we will enjoy mutual masturbation and even full blown sex with another couple. I am pretty sure that one day, we will have sex with another woman and I will look on with awe and fascination as my lover reaches inside her and makes her cum whilst simultaneously fucking me. I am excited by that prospect. I am aroused and wet with the thought of it.

I have come a long way. My path to sexual enlightenment started many years ago and I am many miles away from the finishing post. I resented him looking at others when he was with me. Now, I love it, and I like to feel the familiar bulging in both mine and his sexual organs at the attraction he feels for another. I want the fucks with other people. I want to know how he feels about others.
But I still have a long way to go.
I know that by watching him having sex with others I am still excited and yet slightly envious. This envy is exacerbated by the thought of him having sex with just one other woman, and I know this is wrong. But it is dissipating, and by being open and honest about not just our sexuality but also our feelings for one another, then I can eradicate this too.

And now for the big one!
I have no desire to have sex with anyone else at present. If it happens, so be it but I don’t feel a need to actively pursue any other kind of sexuality at the moment. I am too enthralled in what I have. However, if an overwhelming desire for another one or two occurred, I would certainly not say no.
But we are talking here about recreational sex, to some extent. Whilst I am sure that my lover and I could enjoy sex with another woman, and we could build an excellent relationship with that woman, essentially my joy at sex in this situation is about the sex itself, probably more so than the attraction to the other person – though she would have to be attractive!
To some extent, it is easy to say that I adore my man enough to want him to fuck other people. That is the straight forward bit!
What is less straight forward and more challenging is the emotional attachment in such situations.
The big one for me, the one where I know my road is only partly travelled, is that I want him to make love to me, and whilst I want him to have sex with other people, and in my more enlightened moments, I want him to make love to other people, right now, I want the love making for me.

That is not right. It is a selfish thought.

Going back to what I said at the beginning is true. If I have strong feelings for this man because of his sexuality, then I should be happy for him to express his sexuality to and with others.
But it is not just his sexuality that I am fond of. I adore his mind, and who the hell am I to prevent him from having that emotional bond that makes him want to make love to another woman, to feel for her as he feels for me? It shouldn’t take anything away from the togetherness that we have.
It is not an either/or. It would not be her or me!
This, I have to learn. But at least I am on the road and I haven’t jumped off or been ambushed by those nasty, insipid emotions that lead me back in the other direction, well most of the time at least.

So poor Helen Campbell Black? Remember her? She was wrong. She should have whipped her knickers off. She should have embraced her man’s sexuality and bloody well enjoyed it. And if she had taken that first step, then who knows what else she might have enjoyed.
She may even have understood, accepted and wanted he man to make love to another.