A Sex Change

Admittedly, my sex change has not been one of gender but it is significant nonetheless.

Throughout the years, I have been called frigid, unimaginative, a prick teaser, incompetent and the likes; all of these make you assume that you are not very good at the sex thing.

When I was at school in my middling teenage years, I was apparently quite popular with the boys in my year. At that early age, I was more attracted to the older man, and therefore these boys of my age or thereabouts didn’t really ignite much passion in me. It was therefore assumed that I was frigid, and I supposed therefore that I was. I didn’t want to have sex. Remembering also that I was raised in a strongly religious background where it was deemed unacceptable to have sex before marriage and you can begin to see why I may indeed have been seen as a frigid person.

Losing my virginity was quite tricky actually. It wasn’t a pleasant experience at all. I was desperately trying to please my partner, desperately trying to convince him that I was worth investing time in, and quite frankly, I was pretty hopeless. I had no idea how to give blow jobs. Prior to this relationship, the closest I had got to a cock was holding it in my hands and rummaging through someone’s pubes. I had no desire whatsoever to take one in my mouth, and the thought of someone accidentally spunking in my mouth was quite abhorrent. Again, come to think of it, I didn’t actually want to be present when anything erupted from a man’s bits.

And I was so naïve. I had absolutely no idea what a clitoris was and where it was in relation to the rest of my body. I had heard about the g spot but honestly thought that all you had to do was locate it, press hard on it and a massive flow of wonderfulness would erupt. I did have the occasional wank, where I pressed firmly upon a pillow between my legs until a delightful warmth spread from my crutch across my body but bizarrely, I didn’t associate this with sex.

At college, I was free. I managed eventually to shake free from the shackles of my first sexual relationship, though it took me years to get over the emotional scars – I’m not entirely sure I ever have. I can remember vividly one night, when having split from the 'first' one for a mere few weeks, I fell into the arms of the one from ????, and that night we had the most sensational sex that I had ever experienced. It may not have been as earth shattering for him but I had received my first glimpse of the physical high and wow factor that you could achieve through downright base fucking. Throughout my relationship with this man, which had started rather swiftly, I had excellent sex but I still wasn’t exactly bowled over by it. I loved having sex with him but I didn’t crave or need it. It was very much an added extra to the relationship. He, on the other hand would probably disagree.

For years at college, I was also accused of being a prick teaser. What a delightful little phrase! I was a tiny thing; a mere seven stone with a few additional pounds, and despite the fact that to the adult onlooker, I was clearly ill, I rather liked being this small. I dressed accordingly, and as my confidence, weight and humour increased, I enjoyed looking good and wearing clothes that made me feel content and proud of myself. This was interpreted as some form of teasing. I apparently wore short skirts and vest t-shirts because I wanted blokes to attend to me. This genuinely wasn’t the case. Whilst I may have been flattered by any attention coming my way, I did not actively seek it. I already had the attention from the people that I wanted.

I continued to enjoy an active sex life throughout my time at college and enjoyed sex but certainly it was an almost peripheral part of my life. It wasn’t what made me tick. It wasn’t the most important part of any of the relationships that I enjoyed.

I do not need to go into details about sex with my partner. I think it is fairly clear by a knowledge and understanding of my sexual history that it was not, has not been and is not that spectacular.

The first time we had sex was lovely but it did not ‘move the earth’. It has never been the most important part of our relationship and there have been other parts to our intimacy that outweighed this element. I know that some people would find this very difficult to believe and understand but I simply wasn’t that interested in sex. What is the catalyst and what is the outcome is clearly a question to be considered. But sex was a duty, and in certain parts of my life, it was the necessity for procreation. I wanted a baby and that was more or less the only reason that I had sex.

Getting pregnant was a great excuse not to indulge in sex. The act of sex had done the job. I was carrying a baby and I was not prepared to take any risks in someone invading the space that belonged to my growing foetus. I know that sex cannot damage the baby and I knew it then but that was the excuse that I had, and to be fair, it was acknowledged and adhered to without discussion.

I then went through years of feeling unattractive and being incredibly embarrassed about my looks and my body. I was obese and therefore again, felt unable to enjoy sex with another person. I was most uncomfortable with myself so I sure as hell did not really want to get intimate with another one. We did, of course, but again it wasn’t important. I really couldn’t have cared less whether I ever had sex again, and even the masturbation had declined.

I remember at school one day, one of my friends was talking about sex and I told her that I had come off the pill. She was mortified and asked why, so I told her that I had read about the dangers of smoking and being on the pill, and quite frankly I needed and was addicted to the smoking more than the sex. I opted for the fags!

And so it went on for many years. Even when I was teaching about sex, when I was supposed to be an expert, I did feel a bit of a fraud. I could talk about the need to have fulfilling sex, to wait until you were in a loving relationship, that it was enjoyable and a divine feeling but many of my discussions on the subject were founded on fantasy rather than reality.

My friends all owned vibrators. I had not considered them worth the hefty investment. I listened to them talking about awesome sex with their partners and how they were desperate for a little more action, and I was somewhat relieved that I did not feel that way.

And then I changed.

Obviously, you cannot separate my desire for sex and the fact that I met someone who sexually thrilled me. You could argue that my interest in sex was beginning to fruit and that could have been the reason why I suddenly found myself in a situation where I was hugely attracted to another person and very much eagerly anticipating sexual contact. I also think that it is incredibly significant that we did not have sex immediately. Our friendship grew, we got to know each other and gradually our sexual exploration and openness increased with every meeting. I was now in a situation, previously unthought of, when I wanted and almost needed to have sex. I yearned for it. I longed to be touched. I wanted my sexual juices to seep out of me at every opportunity. But it wasn’t just the sex. I adored the sensuality of lingering and lengthy kisses, of holding hands and feeling that mere touch creating an avalanche of gurgling rushes between my thighs.

I wanted sex. And I got it.

I never wanted condoms to be involved but I suppose it was the right thing to do. I hated condoms and I hated the fact that they were clearly not liked by my sexual partner. Once they finally vanished out of our sexual partnership, the raw and emotional delights of sensual love-making could truly be appreciated.

I do feel horny a lot of the time. I do think of sex a lot of the time but that is partly linked to the fact that I think about him a lot of the time.

I am not embarrassed or ashamed of my horniness or my sexuality. I am prepared to and have tried new things and I revel in every opportunity to revise, review and relish my new founded love of sex. I have indeed, had a sex change and it is an immensely powerful change in my life.

This writing is a short summary of this significant change and I will probably return to this theme to put some more detail to this short starting point.

I am thinking about sex now. I have had two orgasms this morning whilst lying in bed thinking about someone’s touches, someone’s desires, someone’s divine way that they nurture my sexiness. I want sex now with this man. I want to grip his cock in my cunt. I want to pour my juices over him. I want to feel his body rigid and then relax as the overwhelming release of orgasm happens. I want it all and I am eternally grateful that I can feel at last.