Sexual society and sexuality

I would like to suggest a rather radical and possibly naïve theory about the British and sexuality. I am not sure whether there is anything in this idea of mine but it may be worth further consideration.

This week as I have been driving walking around our city, I have noticed a range of sexual images or enticements. Now this has not been a deliberate attempt to see all aspects of life from a sexual perspective. I haven’t had to search very hard to find both implicit and explicit reference to sex. It is all around us, everywhere we look.

If you look in clothes shops and see how mannequins are dressed, there is an emphasis on displaying the clothes, particularly in the front window, that are at the slightly more daring end of the market, the ones that when worn could make you feel sexual, the ones with the lower necklines, coupled with high heeled shoes or knee length boots. But it is not just in clothes shops you see a sexual undertone in what people are trying to sell.

Window dressers are obviously in the game of aesthetically pleasing or enticing the customer, and personally I think there is a huge correlation between the feelings you get from aesthetically pleasing sights and the feelings you receive from good all-encompassing sex. So the result in other shops is a subliminal hint of sexuality; well dressed aesthetically pleasing shop fronts with a poster here, or an innuendo there, that implies the product on view has the potential to be sexual.

Obviously, this is not apparent in every window you walk passed, but it is there.

Driving along the streets this week, I have noticed some large bill boards. If people want to sell a product, you can almost guarantee that there will be some beautiful model, usually female, somewhere within the vicinity. A decent looking bird sells stuff!

Visual stimulation, the molding of your mind into associating a particular perfume with the potential of having this beautiful woman in your life, is all powerful stuff. But as I was driving, I noticed an extremely large yellow bill board with vivid red lettering, with a simple message, “Are you getting enough sex?” or words to that effect. It was far from subliminal. It was overt and explicit, posing a clear and concise question to the great British society, allowing them to consider for the split second that it came into view whether they were actually receiving enough sex, and whether that sex is of a decent quality as well as quantity.

Happily, as I drove along knowing that I was within minutes of having glorious mind, body and soul fulfilling sex, I raised a smile and thought how wonderful it would be if everyone had enough quality sex at the end of their journey to be able to merely look up at the poster and just answer in the affirmative.

A few years ago, this type of poster may not have been allowed, especially on a three lane road where all eyes should be on the road, but we are becoming more and more overt about sexuality in this country. Along this same stretch of road, there are a number of billboards. Take films, always advertised with a particular star looking at their sexy best. And it is not just women. I can remember vividly the furore over the still photograph of Daniel Craig coming out of the sea in some sky blue shorts with his lunch box extremely vivid for all to see. And furore is not too strong a word in this instance. People were appalled that his sexuality was so obvious. Yet here in itself is a funny thing and an example of the contradictions of sexuality in our country.

In discussing this image, people talk about his “lunch box” or his “manhood”. They suggested it was inappropriate for him to be seen in this manner by so many impressionable young people. Heaven forbid, it might give them ideas? What ideas?

There are quite a few issues to address here which hopefully illustrate my point about the irony of the British and sexuality.

Firstly, why can’t people use the proper words? People cannot see his lunch box, they can see the outline of his cock, or even, if you want to be less overt, his penis.

Secondly, are children and young people going to be detrimentally affected by seeing the outline of someone’s dick? Is this going to suddenly make them rush out and want to have copious amounts of sex?

Thirdly, surely this image is no different from seeing men in swimming pools or walking along a beach in the middle of summer? Let us please face facts. Men have cocks and in tight fitting shorts or even tight fitting trousers, if you so desire to look, you can see the outline of their “manhood”.

Fourthly, would the same sort of furore happen if a woman was fully clad revealing the shape of a decent set of tits? (I’m not talking here about semi-clad, I’m talking about a mere outline of breasts).

The issues that are raised here are important ones and yet again demonstrate the contradictions that are apparent everywhere in our society. Apparently, there are people out there who find disgust in overt sexuality, yet it is precisely this sexuality that sells a product or, in this case, subliminally entices you to see a film. There are people apparently who are offended by this overt sexuality yet they cannot see that, if you are intent on finding sexuality in every day life, it is there for you to see.

And here is the big one. Are we as a society becoming more sexually explicit in our conveyance of sex because we cannot express ourselves in a sexual way? Is there a sexualisation of society because we are still not comfortable with our own sexuality?
Is the sexualisation of our society a mere manifestation of our own sexual frustration? Are sexual advertisements and the accessibility and increased frequency of sexual images merely a phallic symbol, the only way that us Brits can express ourselves sexually, and when we complain about this overt sexuality, are we not actually complaining that we do not have the emotional and spiritual capacity to embrace and value our own sexuality?

I am beginning to think that there is a direct correlation between the increase in overt sexuality in our society and the lack of honesty about our own sexuality. It is far easier to make things around us more sexual than to confront our own needs and desires for sex.

And in many ways, I think this is more abhorrent and more distasteful than any sexual image pushed in front of mine or my children’s nose. Even worse, if this increased depersonalised sexuality flourishes and remains, is it going to prevent young people from being sexually liberated in thought and feelings and actions? If all the energy and sexuality is placed in overt sexualisation all around us, is it going to take people away from learning how to and enjoying the expression of their own individual sexuality?

Essentially, I am probably posing a question. Is the over sexualisation of our society a dishonesty, an unwillingness or inability to express ourselves in our own lives in a sexual way? Is it, to all intents and purposes, a lack of spiritual intelligence? Is it a way that we can tick a box and say “Yes, of course I am a sexual being. I am not confronted or offended by these images, therefore my sexuality is in tact”.

Are we hiding behind explicit sex? Is it alleviating our sexual frustration?

Maybe I am asking many questions and maybe I am only just beginning to think about this subject. Clearly, all of these points need further clarification and certainly need to be clearly ordered in a logical and well-thought out piece of writing. All I am trying to do here is start the conversation, allow consideration of this parody.

Sexuality should be important. I have no problems with sexual images all around me as long as it is not masking an individual’s opportunity to understand, appreciate and value their own sexuality.

If less overt sexuality meant more people could come to terms and truly express their own sexuality, then I would happily lose an image or two in the shops or on the billboards, and I know it isn’t quite as simple as that.

But in essence, sex is so fascinating. Whilst I may hanker over being deeply sexual with someone that I care about and whilst I may have fantasies about having sex in front of other people, this is merely titillation. It is fun and horny but it is not the real story of my sexuality.

Sex, in its purest and most enjoyable form, is about intimacy. It is about a partnership between two people who can fully engage with one another, who can revel in one another’s bodies, who can jigsaw together in the most beautiful and energising way, who can express their feelings through the conjoining of bodies and can feel the warmth and adoration in every movement, every kiss, every shared silence.

This is a million miles from explicit sexual images and the use of sex to sell us products. There is a place for that. I have no problems with people using sex to sell things but being sexual in this way is incomparable to the real thing!

So to conclude this short piece of writing, I think we have to consider the inconsistencies and contradictions about sex in this country. I believe that we have to consider a growing use of sex and how this is potentially a polarisation from dealing with individual sexuality.

I think we need to consider what impact these contradictions are having on young people. We literally shove sex in their faces and then do not equip them with the skills, values, attitudes or opportunities to be able to contextualise this within their own lives. That is criminal actually.

And we need to consider once and for all the ridiculous irony of a sexualised society that is so sexual, so overt yet there are thousands of people who cannot even use the words cock or cunt without feeling utter disgrace and even more importantly, cannot embrace the delights and intimacy of spiritually fulfilling sex.